Getting past the guilty feelings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 27
Getting past the guilty feelings
Hello, new here!
I've lurked around here for a bit, decided to throw something out. I apologize if this has been discussed, I haven't searched the topic. Won't go into detail with the background info, but briefly: I have a younger brother who I'm close to, struggling with alcohol addiction that I believe stems from self-medicating away some emotional struggles with anxiety and depression.
I struggle with feelings of guilt as I move forward with living and enjoying my life. I seem to not want him to feel resentful toward me, or feel worse about himself, if he sees me out and about enjoying life while he is not. I'm learning about the concepts of codependency, and a lot of that rings true to me. I realize fully that to martyr myself does nothing for either one of us, but sometimes it's just hard to fully enjoy myself knowing that he is struggling. I feel bad for him! Care about him deeply. In particular, I'm about to go on a xmas vacation, and in the past have found it hard to fully relax and enjoy everything without the worry. I'm getting better at this, have read "Codependent No More" and find a lot of that material beneficial.
Is this a form of survivorship guilt? Not sure. Just wondering if others have had common experiences, and if so any recommendations for what to focus on or think about as we move through life alongside someone we care for who is having these issues. Thanks!
I've lurked around here for a bit, decided to throw something out. I apologize if this has been discussed, I haven't searched the topic. Won't go into detail with the background info, but briefly: I have a younger brother who I'm close to, struggling with alcohol addiction that I believe stems from self-medicating away some emotional struggles with anxiety and depression.
I struggle with feelings of guilt as I move forward with living and enjoying my life. I seem to not want him to feel resentful toward me, or feel worse about himself, if he sees me out and about enjoying life while he is not. I'm learning about the concepts of codependency, and a lot of that rings true to me. I realize fully that to martyr myself does nothing for either one of us, but sometimes it's just hard to fully enjoy myself knowing that he is struggling. I feel bad for him! Care about him deeply. In particular, I'm about to go on a xmas vacation, and in the past have found it hard to fully relax and enjoy everything without the worry. I'm getting better at this, have read "Codependent No More" and find a lot of that material beneficial.
Is this a form of survivorship guilt? Not sure. Just wondering if others have had common experiences, and if so any recommendations for what to focus on or think about as we move through life alongside someone we care for who is having these issues. Thanks!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Not sure why the guilt, all I know is you have nothing to feel guilty for. Guilt is poison, refuse to feel it. The BEST thing you can do for your loved ones, including the alcoholics, addicts and otherwise, is take the BEST care of your SELF as you possibly can. If that means a little R&R to rejuvenate yourself, all the better! It is not your fault he is sick.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
Posts: 1,127
Welcome to SR madtown, glad you decided to post.
I know where you are coming from, I felt guilty because I could not fix my moms drinking, then I felt guilty becuase I just hated her sometimes, she just ruined so much for our family.
I finally, with the help of friends here, just let myself be free of it, I understand now that I cannot fix her, and she has to want to fix herself, and the hate and guilt I felt was accomplishing nothing.
I hope you can work through this, best of luck to you,
Bill
I know where you are coming from, I felt guilty because I could not fix my moms drinking, then I felt guilty becuase I just hated her sometimes, she just ruined so much for our family.
I finally, with the help of friends here, just let myself be free of it, I understand now that I cannot fix her, and she has to want to fix herself, and the hate and guilt I felt was accomplishing nothing.
I hope you can work through this, best of luck to you,
Bill
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
