skope

Hi there,
Not sure where to start really.. Basically what it comes down to is my bf (now ex, i guess) wont get help for his depression/alcohol problem.
I made the decision to leave as it was getting too much for both of us.. my situation changed drastically (multiple factors which lead me to an almost depression myself) and the bf couldn't cope with it. We were in a viscious cycle and I had to do something.

I have told my bf he needs to get some sort of professional help, otherwise things will never change. But he's been to counselling many times, he felt it never helped... he doesnt think CBT is for him and I agree.. he's in way too deep for something like that. He wants to know hes going to be ok, but what else can I recommend? His issues/problems that have led to his depression/alcohol addiction are way too beyond me to help him with.

I really want to be with him, but there's no going back til he makes some serious changes.

Hope you can help,
Thanks

chronsweet

Well congrats and here's to happy, healthy healing to you! Quit worrying about his needs, he is an adult. I swear these A's and addicts act like children. I understand you love/loved him, but have you ever put your woes at someone's step for them to solve. I know I haven't and would never expect another human being to do things I do for myself.

marie1960

Very well said chronsweet.

Skope, Your BF is an addict. He is addicted to alcohol. If he truly wants help he will get help. There is nothing you can do for him. He can talk until he is blue in the face, but it won't change a thing. Actions, not words, are needed to get healthy.........

I am glad you are taking care of YOU. Educate yourself regarding alcoholism and addiction. It might possibly be the best gift you ever give yourself. Read everything you can, I never understood what I was up against until I did the research. Read the stickies at the top of the forums, a real eye opener.

Take care, you are not alone

choublak

I think you answered your own question here.

quitforme79

Skope I moved out from my bf a few months ago for the same exact reason. My ex was in therapy and on antidepressants but that won't do jack unless he stops drinking. I still love him but know I can't be with him until he makes some serious changes, like you said. Like you, I too started feeling depressed and I was also anxious. Now that I've been away from him for awhile I am starting to feel like myself again. I still have hope or rather a wish in my heart that my ex will get it together and we will live happily ever after but until they're sober there's no amount of support that will help them. Hang in there and message me if you ever need to chat xoxo

LifeRecovery

Skope-

I married my boyfriend who sounds a lot like yours.

When I finally reached my limit a thing that helped me was Al-anon (for friends and loved ones of alcoholics). I am no longer with my husband, but my relationship with Al-anon continues and it has helped to strengthen ALL of my relationships.

Individual counseling has helped a lot too for me.

skope

Thank you for your kind words of support.. really what I needed when I question what I've done. I know I've done the right thing.

I really am looking for ways that he can get help, I am dealing with it my own way, but can anyone recommend something other than anti-depressants and counseling to help over come depression and an addiction?

Your suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

LifeRecovery

There are options from people that have recovered on the other side of the forums....

Unfortunately regardless of what are options the person has to want them. I wish I could have made my loved one want it.

What about different types of therapy too. There is way more than CBT only, but body centered ones etc.

What kind of support do you have for you while this is going on?

Pelican

Alcohol is a depressant.

Remove the alcohol, then you can treat the depression.

Seren

Speaking from what little I know.....

Depression can be treated many ways including:

Group therapy, individual therapy, anti-depressants, CBT, electro-convulsive therapy, exercise, art therapy, music, light therapy (for SAD), and/or journaling.

However, I have to agree that since alcohol does have a depressive effect, none of this may be helpful unless and until he gets sober.

I hope that your ex-boyfriend will soon pursue something long enough to provide him with some benefit, but most importantly that he will choose and maintain sobriety!

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers. HG

m1k3

The first step in him getting better is him choosing that he wants to get better and will do the work, no matter what.

Up until then it doesn't make any difference what you do or don't do. That is based on my experience with being married for 36 years to my alcoholic wife.

BTW currently she is not drinking or popping pills but it wasn't her fault, the depression made her do it. I am so grateful I moved out last spring.

Your friend,