Is this codie?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Better than where I was
Posts: 267
What about keeping an alarm clock for her downstairs so she can wake up to get to work on time?
I am sorry that you are going through this right now.
Just wanted to add that I understand completely how you feel about saying things aloud and how it makes it real.
When I went to my first meeting talking about my past and my life was hard but so healing. I walked away feeling 100 pounds lighter.
Peace,
db
Just wanted to add that I understand completely how you feel about saying things aloud and how it makes it real.
When I went to my first meeting talking about my past and my life was hard but so healing. I walked away feeling 100 pounds lighter.
Peace,
db
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Maybe online Alanon meetings? I don't have the links right now but you can google them...
I also used the distance excuse to avoid Alanon but I did get to AA as a listener and all I thought there was "why didn't I come here sooner?"
Just the validation that I was not crazy was a huge step.
Hugs OhBoy.
I also used the distance excuse to avoid Alanon but I did get to AA as a listener and all I thought there was "why didn't I come here sooner?"
Just the validation that I was not crazy was a huge step.
Hugs OhBoy.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Just wanted to add my heartfelt sympathy at the way you are living ~
I remember all those years of sleepless nites, trying to figure out what was best to do to avoid my ex ah from getting hurt, to keep the house quiet so the girls could sleep, on and on and on. . . but nothing I did ever really helped . . .
I hope that posting here, reading recovery literature (I personally LOVE How Al-Anon works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics), maybe attending some recovery meetings and interaction with your Higher Power will help you to know what is best for YOU -
after all you do deserve a life that is Happy, Joyous and full of Serenity - everyone does!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
I remember all those years of sleepless nites, trying to figure out what was best to do to avoid my ex ah from getting hurt, to keep the house quiet so the girls could sleep, on and on and on. . . but nothing I did ever really helped . . .
I hope that posting here, reading recovery literature (I personally LOVE How Al-Anon works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics), maybe attending some recovery meetings and interaction with your Higher Power will help you to know what is best for YOU -
after all you do deserve a life that is Happy, Joyous and full of Serenity - everyone does!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 86
Oh boy, OhBoy - I feel your pain! I did all these things til I learned some things in Al-Anon about the disease and how to take care of myself while living with an A'ic.
For instance, I refused to sleep with my RAH when he drank, period. I slept in the spare bedroom and left him to his devices. I would find him passed out on a couch or a chair downstairs, just left him there and I went to the spare room to sleep.
Luckily for me (wow, this is weird to say that I'm lucky cuz I'm not either), my RAH is a functional A'ic, he would always make it to work, he drank on the weekends and at home ... He's in recovery now and in our counseling sessions, we made agreements re boundaries ... Until your wife realizes she needs help, as long as you help her and she doesn't live with the consequences of her drinking, the situation yu're in won't change, it'll get progressively worse. I totally agree with others that you need to put some things in place for safety's sake, but that's it... so it's a fine line to find.
God bless you and may you find the line to draw in the sand for your own sanity. In Al-Anon, I learned (and I find it comforting to know) that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. All I can do is learn as much as I can about the disease so I do not contribute to it.
Al-Anon saved my life, best 2 bucks I spend for every meeting. You might try a meeting or 6, see if it helps YOU ...
For instance, I refused to sleep with my RAH when he drank, period. I slept in the spare bedroom and left him to his devices. I would find him passed out on a couch or a chair downstairs, just left him there and I went to the spare room to sleep.
Luckily for me (wow, this is weird to say that I'm lucky cuz I'm not either), my RAH is a functional A'ic, he would always make it to work, he drank on the weekends and at home ... He's in recovery now and in our counseling sessions, we made agreements re boundaries ... Until your wife realizes she needs help, as long as you help her and she doesn't live with the consequences of her drinking, the situation yu're in won't change, it'll get progressively worse. I totally agree with others that you need to put some things in place for safety's sake, but that's it... so it's a fine line to find.
God bless you and may you find the line to draw in the sand for your own sanity. In Al-Anon, I learned (and I find it comforting to know) that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. All I can do is learn as much as I can about the disease so I do not contribute to it.
Al-Anon saved my life, best 2 bucks I spend for every meeting. You might try a meeting or 6, see if it helps YOU ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Hey, Choublak, I think the $2 Portia was referring to is the donation members can give at their Al-Anon meeting to help support meeting needs (space rental, etc). It's strictly up to the member and what they can afford to give and is not mandatory. In fact, most meetings ask new members to not put in, but perhaps, rather use what they could give towards buying Al-Anon reading materials.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Ah! Okay.
To the OP, I thought of something when I read your comment about the woodstove. Your wife could start a fire, and I don't know the type of house you live in, but if the houses are really close together or attached, like rowhouses, if one catches on fire they all do.
To the OP, I thought of something when I read your comment about the woodstove. Your wife could start a fire, and I don't know the type of house you live in, but if the houses are really close together or attached, like rowhouses, if one catches on fire they all do.
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