FLsunshine

After exchanging a few emails and then talking on the phone for a bit, a new male friend and i decided to met to see what we thought of each other in person. i am looking to meet new friends in my area. While texting or talking to him i would go about my day and not even notice if he had text or called..

BUT.. after we met.. My whole personality turned into this weird lump that was anxious, needy and evaluating the amount of calls pre-meeting each other and post-meeting and it felt sooo aweful.. i can barely redirect myself..
i think i blew it even on a friendship level and prob labeled as a weirdo..

im soo disappointed in myself..

choublak

How do you know he wasn't feeling the same way deep down inside?

FLsunshine

Cause the last communication was he was calling me back after errands or something. Well... he hasn't called..

I don't know how he is feeling. I only know about what i am feeling.

Freedom1990

That's the only way I could evaluate my progress was to stick my toes out there a little and test the waters.

It took a long time before I didn't have reactions much as you described when meeting someone new.

I had a lot of damage to repair for sure.

I'm sorry it didn't go well for you!

Carol Star

I think it was a guru...."forgive yourself and learn the lesson..."

halvsie

Don't beat up on yourself FLSunshine!! We've all been traumatized or retraumatized by our alcoholic partners and/or family members. Starting a new relationship or even thinking about one can be a trigger and not in our control. This feeling will pass....enjoy what you have right now, in the present. Be thankful for the insight and the growth....if you hadn't grown from your last experience, then you wouldn't have noticed your reaction! I think that's awesome!

wishin4change

That's a great way to explain what happened here. I think that overwhelming lack of control on the unknown was triggered by this. I think it's GREAT that you recognized right away the way you were PRE meeting versus POST meeting! That's PROGRESS!! Can't fix what we don't identify! You're doin great, don't beat yourself up!