living with a "closet alcoholic"
KAB1960
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Butler, PA
Posts: 3
living with a "closet alcoholic"
Hi everyone,
First time here.....it's time for me to take care of me!
I am married for 10 years, living with what I guess most would call a "closet alcoholic". He works 3 nights a week full time and then sits in his office, watching tv and playing on the computer all night while drinking.
When I married him he was not drinking, or I would have never dated him....of if he was, he hid it well. A couple of years into the marriage I found out about it and when I mentioned it to his sister, she said "oh we thought he had grown out of that".
He refuses to get help and says it is not a problem, but I know he knows it really is. I think he is too embarrassed to go get help, for fear his "secret" will get out. He has never been violent to me but came close once. I was venting to him while he was drunk (I know...I know....he can't even comprehend at that time) and he made the motion like he was going to punch me in the face. He did not, and of course, had he tried, he probably would have fallen over. After he slept it off, he did not remember doing it. I told him if he EVER touched me his *** would be in jail. Also, at that point, I told him his secret was out and that my family knows about it, along with some of his family and some friends. I also told him that I let my family know about almost hitting me.
Anyway, he got really drunk last night and is now sleeping it off. He usually drinks beer, but every once in a while drinks bourbon and can barely walk. Last night was a bourbon night. I'd like to say I understand why, because we had to put our dog to sleep this week, but I know that's not an excuse to drink. Hey, I'm going through the same thing and I'm not drinking.
Anyway, one of the main reasons I have stuck around was because of the dog and because I'm in school, trying to prepare for a life when I decide I've had enough. (actually I've had enough but would be living in my car if I moved). I'm about to the point where I'd rather live in my car!
KAB1960
First time here.....it's time for me to take care of me!
I am married for 10 years, living with what I guess most would call a "closet alcoholic". He works 3 nights a week full time and then sits in his office, watching tv and playing on the computer all night while drinking.
When I married him he was not drinking, or I would have never dated him....of if he was, he hid it well. A couple of years into the marriage I found out about it and when I mentioned it to his sister, she said "oh we thought he had grown out of that".
He refuses to get help and says it is not a problem, but I know he knows it really is. I think he is too embarrassed to go get help, for fear his "secret" will get out. He has never been violent to me but came close once. I was venting to him while he was drunk (I know...I know....he can't even comprehend at that time) and he made the motion like he was going to punch me in the face. He did not, and of course, had he tried, he probably would have fallen over. After he slept it off, he did not remember doing it. I told him if he EVER touched me his *** would be in jail. Also, at that point, I told him his secret was out and that my family knows about it, along with some of his family and some friends. I also told him that I let my family know about almost hitting me.
Anyway, he got really drunk last night and is now sleeping it off. He usually drinks beer, but every once in a while drinks bourbon and can barely walk. Last night was a bourbon night. I'd like to say I understand why, because we had to put our dog to sleep this week, but I know that's not an excuse to drink. Hey, I'm going through the same thing and I'm not drinking.
Anyway, one of the main reasons I have stuck around was because of the dog and because I'm in school, trying to prepare for a life when I decide I've had enough. (actually I've had enough but would be living in my car if I moved). I'm about to the point where I'd rather live in my car!
KAB1960
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
Hi KAB, there will always be an excuse to drink won't there? some passing remark, a phone call, I was feeling a bit stressed etc. If I get like that I make a cup of tea, but my partner takes the other road. I find it hard to understand that even when she has had a good day she can be off it-and she's not about to admit it or explain why.
All the wisdom you will find on here, and there are some very astute and helpful people, points in one direction-LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! Al-Anon will help you do that if you feel you need it. Good Luck.
All the wisdom you will find on here, and there are some very astute and helpful people, points in one direction-LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! Al-Anon will help you do that if you feel you need it. Good Luck.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Follow through on your plan. This situation will not get better, he will progress on a downward spiral as all alcoholics do.
If he becomes physically abusive call law enforcement, physical abuse is a deal breaker.
Keep posting it will help.
If he becomes physically abusive call law enforcement, physical abuse is a deal breaker.
Keep posting it will help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Originally Posted by dollydo 
Follow through on your plan. This situation will not get better, he will progress on a downward spiral as all alcoholics do.
I began to prepare an exit plan in January 2011, and in May 2011 separated from my AH. It has been very hard but following through on my plan really helped. Basically I hit rock bottom and something had to give. It was good to have prepared (socked away a bunch of cash in secret, had a housing plan in case my AH refused to move out) and that preparation gave me the wherewithal to move ahead with taking action. Life is too short to live this way!
SR has been a lifesaver for me. Keep posting!
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