daughter333

I haven't posted in a while as I have been in a pretty good place. I keep a safe distance (literally and figuratively) from my dad, who swings off and on from being a "functioning alcoholic."

We were all supposed to meet up for a family reunion recently. He got into an argument that I did not witness, with another family member. There were some accusations thrown about his drinking. So he left the reunion in a big huff -- basically threw a big F you to everyone who had gathered there because his pride was hurt. I thought this was pretty ridiculous.

Since then he's sent a bunch of emails about how he "couldn't" stay, "had to" leave, "was forced" to exit the situation, etc. Basically typical alcoholic, not-my-fault BS. Now he wants to talk about it. With anyone else I would simply stay out of it since it is not my business. With him, my rule with myself is to be completely honest about how I feel about things (in a respectful way, of course). So I'm not sure how to reconcile those things.

This is a bit of a stream of consciousness, but it's something I've been wrestling with. Interested to know how others have handled similar situations.

Pelican

I learned an effective way of communicating my feelings here at SR:

Say what you mean,
Mean what you say, but
Don't say it mean.

Seren

I, too, used to think I had to referee my family's arguments until I finally learned that they did not need me to be the peace keeper, and I did not need the ulcers from taking on their drama......

It is much more peaceful for me now!

Hugs, HG

GettingBy

I have long wanted to talk to my Dad and my AH about their drinking/behavior. I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to say and how i wanted to say it. For me, every time I felt an urge to talk... I began to realize (with the help of Al-anon) that I didn't really want to just talk. I wanted to invoke change in the other person.

Today, I check my motives before I open my mouth. WAIT... Why am I talking?