caughthiminject

I sort of broke no contact. I went on amazon and bought the AA book and had it gift wrapped and sent to him. Even if he's not with me, I still don't want him to die in a pile of his own vomit and/or with a needle stuck in his arm... One day in a couple weeks, he'll just get this anonymous book in the mail and he won't even know where it came from. Maybe he'll read it.

Freedom1990

I don't see this as a bad thing or as breaking contact. You anonymously sent him the big book of AA.

caughthiminject

I sat and questioned my motives. He doesn't think he's got a problem and he won't go to AA. But I know him well and I know that if there's a book sitting on his table, he will pick it up and read it when no one is looking. He might be drunk when he reads it, but he won't be able to resist. He's mentioned curiosity about AA before when he was really drunk, and he's also Catholic and wanted to go back to church (also only when he's really drunk). So maybe that book will do something for him. Amazon's great at sending anonymous gifts - but it's pretty likely he's going to know it was from me. The only thing his last girlfriend gave him was a brick through the windshield of his car. I miss him though. I couldn't stop thinking about him tonight. It'll be one week tomorrow morning that I left him.

wellnowwhat

I think:

If you hope he gets something from the book that leads to recovery, you are ok.

If you hope he realizes it's from you and that you'll hear from him, oops!

Alone22

I think it was a nice thought. You care. Where it goes from here no one knows. If your motives came with some expectations then that is where it could be a problem for you. Just remember the 3 C's and to put your focus on you and what makes you happy in life.

Freedom1990

You never know when the seed will be planted.

My love of the big book came while I was in rehab.

An elderly sober gentleman brought a big book study into the rehab once a week.

It wasn't mandatory attendance, but I went to every meeting.

I didn't understand a lot of what was read, but I sensed that book had a lot of answers for me.

I will be forever grateful to old Frank T. who introduced me to the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I still have a love for the book.

Seren

Mr. HG used to print out all sorts of materials for "Jr." to read in the hope that he would understand the serious health affects of alcoholism and decide to finally quit. It only made "Jr.' resent his father and did nothing to slow the progress of this disease.

IMHO, you did nothing wrong or bad in sending him that book. I'm sorry for any disappointment you may feel in the coming days and weeks if nothing changes for him.

Hugs, HG

StarCat

I did something similar, back not long after I broke up with XABF.
His birthday was the end of January, and I felt bad not sending him something, so I ordered him a nice hardback copy of "Under the Influence" and had it anonymously gift wrapped and mailed to him.

It made me feel better, especially knowing that I had acknowledged his birthday. It hurt too much to think that I was ignoring it, and him, that early after the breakup.

If he gets anything good out of it, that's great! And if not, and it joins the countless other books gathering dust on his mothers' shelves, that's fine, too.
Because it made me feel better.

Motive is the most important thing, because that determines whether our actions are healthy or not. If we're doing things for someone because we care about them, that's a good thing. If we're doing things for someone because we feel responsible for their happiness, or their choices, or have our own expectations of how they should act as a results of those "things," that's a bad thing. But the "things" we do in both cases could be the same exact things.