veryregretful

I'm really aggravated today.

My STXAH says he is going to have me arrested for a felony and send me to jail for 2 to 5 years. He has told our kids and anyone else that will listen. He got SSDI back pay and we both spent it. He now thinks I took it out of bank and hid it. I spent a little foolishly and then I paid bills, kids, mortgage, etc. He was buying 60in tv's, stereo $200 boots, etc. $400 bags of pot, etc. Along with his many beers.

He has been threatening me this for about 1 month. His check was deposited into a joint account. I know I spent some foolishly but the rest things needed to be paid. I spent approx. 40% of his back pay.

Everyday he is texting me about how bad I am, how I stole from him and kids, how I am with other men, etc. I think you all know the texts.

This weekend he went away camping and he couldn't take kids because there was going to be mushrooms and pot and lots of drinking. So while he is away camping he is texting me every couple hours. Usually the 'I don't mean anything to you" "my heart is broken" "your sneaky" "you are not honest". You get the point. They are crazy texts.

The last texts I did no reply to. They were about he wants all the money back my Tuesday or he is going to sign the affidavit to have me arrested. He is talking he wants me to pay him back what he spent and what I spent.

I have contacted my divorce lawyer and another attorney about this charge and they said that since it was deposited into a joint account it wasn't his money. It was our money. You can't steal money that was deposited into a joint account.

He says he is going to charge me with stealing money from a disabled man (who is working under the table doing contruction every day along with collecting SSDI). Why couldn't he be working earlier in our marraige? Now he can work?

Anyway, I'm just so aggravated because I think this is just intimidation. He sees that I am going on with my life. I am not sitting home depressed, etc. I went out last night with my girlfriend. He told me that I better not go to the neighborhood bar because he doesn't want any problems because he has been going there alot lately.

He is the one telling all about our problems and how I did this and that. He is just so mean.

I guess I'm typing this to get it out. I'm so aggravated and want the 22nd to come. He will be served papers to vacate on that day. I'm afraid to tell him now as I don't know what he will do.

I'm tired of him manipulating me. Sometimes I find myself falling into his web of manipulation. It takes a few moments but get out before I am stuck in that place.

Anyone have any advice on how not to to get sucked in. It's hard to go NC as he lives in my basement still and we have 2 kids. I've been to Al-anon. I See a psychologist. Maybe if someone has some little trick that they think of not to get sucked in.

Even though I had two lawyers tell me he can't charge me, of course, I'm a little apprehensive that he will be able to.

He manipulates and I can't do that. I can't manipulate anyone.

Thank you for letting me vent. It helps.

suki44883

He's crazy. He can't have you arrested and yes, he's just trying to manipulate and scare you. Rest assured, if the money was in a joint account, it was as much yours as his, so he doesn't have a leg to stand on. What a jerk.

changeschoices

It's a joint account. You have legal access/right to the money. If he doesn't want you spending any of his money, he should get his own account. Just ignore him.

veryregretful

Thank you for your responses. I think sometimes I need a little reaasrance. I hate it when my nrain goes back to thinkinghe will get better, etc. He doesn't want help. He is out partying now.


He is crazy.

Thanks again.

changeschoices

He's trying to make you out to be the bad guy when he knows in fact that he is the one doing things wrong. Stay calm, don't react. Open your own bank account! That will solve the problem right there.

changeschoices

And, it seems like he is projecting all of his own feelings/behavior onto you. Try subtituting the words "He is sneaky", "He is heartbroken", "He is not honest". Amazing, isn't it!

veryregretful

It's almost midnight. He is trashed. Just texted me that I ruined marraige. I stole his money. I'm going to jail. Asks me if it was worth it and what is wrong with me.

Now I don't think I can wait for the order for him to vacate. I'm going to have to get the courage to tell him to leave. I'm going to call my divorce lawyeron Tuesday again about these threats. I can't believe I stayed this long.

I probably will get a RO on him. Each time he texts like this it makes me crazy. I know when he gets back he will be telling the kids he is going to have me arrested .. I have talked with both kids and my dd knows he is full of it bit my son I think is torn. My stbxah wants the.kids to know who is right (him) and who is wrong (me) according to him.

suki44883

Yep, he sees you slipping out of the noose and he's kicked it in high gear to cause you worry and fear. Just imagine a duck quacking because that's all he's doing.

Stop reading his texts if it is upsetting to you. Just turn the phone off for the night.

veryregretful

Actually when. I do that it makes sense. He is the one lying. He knows he is screwing up. Of course he is still playing the blame game. Why would he change all of a sudden.

I did open a new account with only my name. My pay check gets deposited in there. I had to open new .one because he wiped out account a few weeks ago to get me back. It was the mortgage money he took.

Pelican

When I was divorcing, I changed my STBex's name on my cell phone. Everytime he phoned/texted me - my screen displayed "I stole from you" on display. It helped reaffirm who I was talking/texting to before I replied.

In your case, I suggest editing his name to say "Mr. Manipulator" as a reminder that anything he sends/says is manipulation.

MTSlideAddict

He can't get you arrested. It is a joint account. He is talking non-sense. The one trick that I read on the thread entitled "QUACKERs..." is to picture him as a duck quacking as stated by suki44883. It's not personal, he is just quacking.

Hang in there.

changeschoices

Good that you opened your own account. Don't put anything else into the joint account, and don't touch it. You can get removed from that account most likely if you go to the bank. Call the police if you need to and explain the situation. Talk to your lawyers. Ignore his texts. Make a plan for moving on without him. If you can't get him evicted soon enough, is there somewhere you can go?

Anyone who would manipulate their kids like this is an a$$hat. Stay calm and take care of your kids and yourself.

akrasia

Some of my work is with trafficked women, and I find that very little of the coercion in their cases is actually physical--it's mostly psychological, through isolation and manipulation. Just yesterday I spoke with a woman whose husband/trafficker was trying to convince her that if she tried to move out with their son, he would "have her arrested." I was like, yeah no. And she's a smart woman, it was just that she was cut off from her friends, kept under stressful conditions, so she just started to doubt her own good sense!

You don't need us to tell you that he can't "have you arrested" for spending some money that was in your joint account. Even if he "signs an affidavit." Ba-hahahaha.

I wonder if you could speak with a domestic violence service? Because verbal abuse, threats, etc., constitute domestic violence. A domestic violence service could offer support and encouragement, and specific strategies to get through this time till he's served with the order to leave.

Carol Star

I wouldn't worry about his threats but I would take some $ out to become completely independent/divorced from him and to house and clothe your kids. I am glad you talked to a lawyer.

dollydo

Have you arrested.....

When I was with exabf he would threaten me with all kinds of crazy sh#t, one day I looked at him and said..."Do you take stupid pills, or were you born that way?", he proudly announced "I was born that way!".

painterman

that's so funny, and it really takes the sting out of a ridiculous situation. I'm currently getting all the verbal nonsense from my partner who drinks, she was telling her daughter on the phone that I beat her up and put her in hospital-she is getting desperate since realising I'm not putting up with anymore nonsense.

GettingBy

Time to turn the phone off, or delete the texts without reading them. As others have said, it's straight up nonsense coming out of his mouth. You've talked to an attorney,. You know your rights (FACTS). That's it.

I used to feel like I had to defend myself from all my AHs nonsensical BS. He would sling his garbage at me... Attacking me... I would go on the defense, defending myself against something that was so completely absurd.... Yet, I participated?!? Why?!? It made me crazy because no matter how much I explained myself (w/facts)... He maintained his position. And around and around we would spin.

With the help of al-anon, I have been able to step back and identify this pattern. I'm working on not engaging in the dance. I see his crap as an attempt to manipulate me, and I choose to no participate anymore. Leaving him standing there, arguing with himself, has brought me piles and piles of peace/serenity.

You have choices. You can choose to not respond, you can choose to not read. Today i make choices that are in MY best interest.

Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon

veryregretful

Thank you all. I just read some read some texts he sent cuz I had my phone off. He still saying I'm going to jail but he still loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Quack quack quack.

I do think now he is getting scared and realizing I'm not pitting up with his crap.

I think I will look into a domestic violence group.

I'm ready to just pack up and leave but I think I can hang in till he gets those orders. He is going to be served right after we see the trustee for our bankruptcy. I don't want him saying anything to trustee that might not make the bankruptcy go through.

Freedom1990

Please do. They have excellent counselors that can help. I wish I had known of such resources when I was with my EXAH because I might have left sooner.

veryregretful

As for.taking my name of that account. I can't just yet. My kids ssdi checks go in there. I thought he was going to change their checks too to a new bank account he opened. He just changed his check. He is the payee on the kids checks so I think I need the lawyer for thaT

I thought I was doing good with what was going on but I still have work to do. When people say its a roller coaster ride it really is.

It's not that I'm.second guessing my decision for.divorce. its all the other crap that's going on.

I think I can stick it out here till he gets the papers. The kids start school in a couple days and don't really want to move them. I would haves to go to a different city and I think it would be too much. It's only a couple more weeks.

I thank all of SR because everyone here haS helped me. Even when I posted a couple years ago about leaving him. I didn't but I have always read here and it helps immensely knowing I am not alone.

Thank you.