boomerlady

I've changed due to working al-anon for the past 4 and half years. I've learned to set boundaries and enforce them with my AH and others. I've always heard that when we change, others don't like it. Well, I was honest with my daughter, which is a biggie for me, and she didn't like it.

A brief recap of what happened, she went abroad for a month and is a single Mom to my 4 yr old granddaughter(GD). When she made the plans to go, I asked if she bought 2 tickets. She said "no", but I've worked it out that you won't have to do everything. Hello, first you didn't ask me now you are telling me you're going for a month!! Well, one of her so-called friends, who was going to help, dropped out totally. My GD's godmother watched her during the day while I worked. Once my daughter was gone abroad, I found that no real plans had been made with her godmother to watch her at night. When I asked about it, she said that her hubby would have to sleep on the couch so GD could sleep in the bed with her!! Of course, I felt like my daughter was free-loading so I took the responsibility. Every day for a month, I took care of this child, fed her, bathed her, slept with her, entertained her, etc. Her godmother watched her one whole week all day and the other weeks watched her a few days while grandpa or I took off work a day or more. Now, my daughter is back and says that I did only 40% of the work and that her godmother did 60% because she watched her during the day!! I'm astounded at her dismissal of what I did for a month. She has a sense of entitlement that is beyond me. I told my daughter that I thought she took advantage of me and that's what started this whole thing about I didn't do much! So I was honest with her and she decided to strike back at me.

I guess I'm hurt by her sense of entitlement because I've been so giving to her with time since she is a single Mom. I'm at a loss to understand what is going on with her and know I can't control that. I just don't want anything to come between me and my GD, whom I love dearly. My daughter seems to be in this "I'm a victim and everyone should feel sorry for me" mode. I've suggested al-anon but to no avail with her. Any suggestions or help in understanding are welcome.

lillamy

Well... my only suggestion is to do what you already said you are doing: realize that you have no control over what your daughter does or thinks or chooses to do. Set your boundaries, and stick to them.