Relapse - just need to get a few things out and what do I do now?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 59
Sorry you are having a tough time Lotus.
This thread is so helpful to me as I can relate to the guilt and anguish of pulling away from someone who is madly asking for love and support. It is enough to drive you crazy with fear.
That desparate hope we cling onto against all good evidence is maddening also.
Stay strong Lotus, I know that dissapointment.
Take care
This thread is so helpful to me as I can relate to the guilt and anguish of pulling away from someone who is madly asking for love and support. It is enough to drive you crazy with fear.
That desparate hope we cling onto against all good evidence is maddening also.
Stay strong Lotus, I know that dissapointment.
Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Thanks everyone!!! 
I'm doing well! It's interesting to see that I have learned from the past and that packing a bag and removing myself from the situation isn't as scary as it was a little over a year ago. I am, of course, disappointed, but I'm by no means broken over it. I'm grateful that I have a wonderful friend, who is extremely supportive and keeps me on my toes and that I have all of you who have been such a help!
I went home after work and was surprised to find AH in a sober state. He didn't smell, acted or talked as though he'd been drinking (which was a huge surprise, since I was so sure I'd find him completely wasted). I talked to him for a few minutes and told him that I'm glad he's doing well and isn't drinking, that I hope that he will keep it up, but that I'm going to spend the night elsewhere since I need to take care of myself (I also reminded him that I had stated my boundaries very clearly the day before)! He was very understanding and told me he wants me to do what's best for me and told me that he loves me. Very civil, calm conversation.
I'm in bed now in a nice, serene atmosphere and feeling good about my decision. I will take this one day at a time and see how things play out!
I'm doing well! It's interesting to see that I have learned from the past and that packing a bag and removing myself from the situation isn't as scary as it was a little over a year ago. I am, of course, disappointed, but I'm by no means broken over it. I'm grateful that I have a wonderful friend, who is extremely supportive and keeps me on my toes and that I have all of you who have been such a help!
I went home after work and was surprised to find AH in a sober state. He didn't smell, acted or talked as though he'd been drinking (which was a huge surprise, since I was so sure I'd find him completely wasted). I talked to him for a few minutes and told him that I'm glad he's doing well and isn't drinking, that I hope that he will keep it up, but that I'm going to spend the night elsewhere since I need to take care of myself (I also reminded him that I had stated my boundaries very clearly the day before)! He was very understanding and told me he wants me to do what's best for me and told me that he loves me. Very civil, calm conversation.
I'm in bed now in a nice, serene atmosphere and feeling good about my decision. I will take this one day at a time and see how things play out!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
This thread is discouraging to me. You hope they will go into recovery. You know they probably won't. Then they do, and you try not to hope. But you do. Then you get comfortable and uneasily happy. Then they relapse. And this time it's worse. Sigh.
This is the whole "take care of YOU" thing, isn't it?
I guess it's true that no one ever said life was going to be easy.
This is the whole "take care of YOU" thing, isn't it?
I guess it's true that no one ever said life was going to be easy.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I hope this thread also offers you encouragement.
My experience taught me more about myself. I needed to go back and try to see if I can forgive completely. I needed to find out if I can live in the NOW, and not let the past or worries over the future hinder my enjoyment of living in the present.
I needed that experience to understand that there was more. I had comfortable, familiar, easy; yet something was missing. I had grown but the relationship had not. I needed to have that lesson from my HP.
I do not regret having tested those waters. I learned more about myself and what I want in my life from that experience. Did my feelings get hurt, yes. But I have to tools to understand and examine my own feelings now. I can experience life on life's terms and grow in strength, love and understanding.
I encourage you to love yourself today. For today you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
Today, be the best you that you can be!
My experience taught me more about myself. I needed to go back and try to see if I can forgive completely. I needed to find out if I can live in the NOW, and not let the past or worries over the future hinder my enjoyment of living in the present.
I needed that experience to understand that there was more. I had comfortable, familiar, easy; yet something was missing. I had grown but the relationship had not. I needed to have that lesson from my HP.
I do not regret having tested those waters. I learned more about myself and what I want in my life from that experience. Did my feelings get hurt, yes. But I have to tools to understand and examine my own feelings now. I can experience life on life's terms and grow in strength, love and understanding.
I encourage you to love yourself today. For today you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
Today, be the best you that you can be!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Pelican 
I encourage you to love yourself today. For today you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Hopeworks
If you love him something awful and think he is the only man on the planet that could ever make you happy and he is incredibly dedicated to giving a 150 % into his recovery program and you are a gambler at heart you might want to give it a chance.... but the odds are about as good as getting hit by lightning 7 times in a row on the same day that it will work out to a "happily ever after".
Heck.... relationships have a huge failure rate even when both partners are sober... what are we thinking when we try to make it work with a delusional, broken active alcoholic?
Heck.... relationships have a huge failure rate even when both partners are sober... what are we thinking when we try to make it work with a delusional, broken active alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by Pelican
I encourage you to love yourself today. For today you are beautifully and wonderfully made.
Today, be the best you that you can be!
Rayn3dr0p - Thanks
I was actually really surprised that I am handling it as well as I am. I was soo scared of him relapsing when I moved back in with him and thought I wouldn't be able to handle it and would completely fall apart. I'm so glad I didn't!
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