He lasted 30 hours as primary caregiver
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
He lasted 30 hours as primary caregiver
Last night, around 11:30, I get a text from AH, saying "alright let's do it your way, but I want a divorce, you have done too many dirty rotten things to me over the years" Still blame shifting of course. What he's talking about is what i said to him friday night via text, that I had wanted to go easy,try to just separate for awhile, do joint custody with me as primary, perhaps go thru mediation instead of the courts, etc. Basically, I was trying to keep the peace as much as possible. How long the nicey stuff is going to last with him, I don't know, but hey, I'll take it as long as it lasts.
So, I'm going to finish getting things into the apartment, get a hold of my sister's boyfriend's truck, and get the kids, the rest of our stuff that I will be moving, and my cat from the house. I already have a bunch of boxes unpacked. I've done 2 loads of dishes in my new to me dishwasher(OMG, it's freaking awesome!)already too. And the quiet, I've forgotten what it's like to have silence, with the contstant hum of fish tank filters, etc that I've been made to listen to for the last year or so.
Yeah, I wonder what he thinks of having to take care of the house, the kids, and the animals all by himself? I believe he has discovered it really isn't as easy as he thought it was.
I did mess up slightly though, I backed out of my garage(haven't had one in over 5 years, and previous to that I had a big double garage and a small vehicle) badly this morning, and took out my passenger side mirror. :rotfxko So I guess as long as that's the only "casualty" to all of this, I'm doing okay then. It's now got packing tape over the mirror part(as that cracked in several places) and duct tape to keep it in place until I can get a replacement.
So yeah, my HP did have quite the plan for me, didn't She?
So, I'm going to finish getting things into the apartment, get a hold of my sister's boyfriend's truck, and get the kids, the rest of our stuff that I will be moving, and my cat from the house. I already have a bunch of boxes unpacked. I've done 2 loads of dishes in my new to me dishwasher(OMG, it's freaking awesome!)already too. And the quiet, I've forgotten what it's like to have silence, with the contstant hum of fish tank filters, etc that I've been made to listen to for the last year or so.
Yeah, I wonder what he thinks of having to take care of the house, the kids, and the animals all by himself? I believe he has discovered it really isn't as easy as he thought it was.
I did mess up slightly though, I backed out of my garage(haven't had one in over 5 years, and previous to that I had a big double garage and a small vehicle) badly this morning, and took out my passenger side mirror. :rotfxko So I guess as long as that's the only "casualty" to all of this, I'm doing okay then. It's now got packing tape over the mirror part(as that cracked in several places) and duct tape to keep it in place until I can get a replacement.
So yeah, my HP did have quite the plan for me, didn't She?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Wow, glad you got past your "glitch".
I'm so excited for you. And you forgot the very VERY best part of having an apartment--MAINTENANCE!!!
(Blowers and de-humidifier delivered this morning to start drying out basement AGAIN)
I'm so excited for you. And you forgot the very VERY best part of having an apartment--MAINTENANCE!!!
(Blowers and de-humidifier delivered this morning to start drying out basement AGAIN)
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Awesome, congratulations. For me, I never imagined how happy I could be not living with AH.
Great signal from HP by the way. Sounds like the past is the past and looking forward, rather than backward, would be good right now.
Great signal from HP by the way. Sounds like the past is the past and looking forward, rather than backward, would be good right now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
To have my own place, void of the insanity of alcoholism, is truly heaven.
I get up in the mornings and have my cup of coffee while doing my daily readings.
I'm surrounded by some pretty special dogs, cats, and two hysterically funny ferrets.
I answer to no one but myself.
It really is bliss.
I get up in the mornings and have my cup of coffee while doing my daily readings.
I'm surrounded by some pretty special dogs, cats, and two hysterically funny ferrets.
I answer to no one but myself.
It really is bliss.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: new state
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by transformyself 
Great signal from HP by the way. Sounds like the past is the past and looking forward, rather than backward, would be good right now.
So happy and excited for you, Pix!
Quiet IS nice.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I had to laugh about your "quick fix" for your mirror. My Dad, loving known as "El Cheapo" was a terrible driver. Both his mirror were held in tact with black duct tape, he was very clever, the black matched the color of the mirrors. Now, the bumpers were silver, so being ever creative, he cover the holes with silver duct tape. His fixes were permanent, that's how he drove around until he traded it in...can you imagine the poor guy who estimated the trade in value, I bet his mouth is still hangimg open!
Your mirror is just a minor setback, I am soooo happy for you!
Your mirror is just a minor setback, I am soooo happy for you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
One of the first and most significant things I noticed when I started living on my own .... the amazing sense of peace and tranquility.
Maybe others don’t appreciate the beauty of it until they have lived without it.
I have many times wondered if this is a common side effect from living with an alcoholic and the ...
... Stress from the unending chaos, nervousness and insecurity
... Anxiety from second guessing yourself and your choices.
... Continually living in fear of what horrible thing will happen next that will turn your world upside down.
People are sometimes baffled as to why I am not anxious to become involved with someone else, to trust someone else with my well being .... but it is one of those situations that only those who have lived your same life and walked in your shoes can understand.
The amazing peace that comes from restoring the sanity. logic, clarity and serenity to your life ... yet holding on to the hidden fear that someone will try again to steal away the tranquil life you have worked so hard to reclaim.
Maybe others don’t appreciate the beauty of it until they have lived without it.
I have many times wondered if this is a common side effect from living with an alcoholic and the ...
... Stress from the unending chaos, nervousness and insecurity
... Anxiety from second guessing yourself and your choices.
... Continually living in fear of what horrible thing will happen next that will turn your world upside down.
People are sometimes baffled as to why I am not anxious to become involved with someone else, to trust someone else with my well being .... but it is one of those situations that only those who have lived your same life and walked in your shoes can understand.
The amazing peace that comes from restoring the sanity. logic, clarity and serenity to your life ... yet holding on to the hidden fear that someone will try again to steal away the tranquil life you have worked so hard to reclaim.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
It's still going, 15yo has chosen to live with his father, he is doing the typical COA thing and blaming me for everything. He was at the apartment for a little more than 24 hours.
STBX is still convinced I have a boyfriend and that's why I left. Because of course it's not the alcohol, the abuse, the drunk driving, disappearing for hours in the middle of the night, the refusing to help out in any way, shape or form with the kids or the house, etc.
And yes, the peace! The only crying I did was about 15yo leaving, other than that, nothing. I'm over that stage of grieving apparently.
Walked with the little ones to the library, it takes 15 minutes, and there is a HUGE DVD/VHS section there, so I do believe I will be putting Netflix on vacation hold until I can get back online(I'm at my sister's, I have laundry on the line) I do get all the local channels in on the tv too.
The cat has adjusted well, she doesn't even try to run out the apartment door when it's open. She has been very snuggly lately too.
Still working on filling out the household goods, but I'm getting closer. Have enough dishes and cookware to work with right now, will fill things out as needed.
He wants to do mediation for the divorce, I'm sure he thinks he'll get the best deal that way. He doesn't know that I have almost everything important to me, unfortnately I'm not sure what it's going to take to get 15yo back. I don't want his 401k, alimony, etc. I just want me back(and I'm on the road there) and to be able to support the younger two children.
Thanks everyone
STBX is still convinced I have a boyfriend and that's why I left. Because of course it's not the alcohol, the abuse, the drunk driving, disappearing for hours in the middle of the night, the refusing to help out in any way, shape or form with the kids or the house, etc.
And yes, the peace! The only crying I did was about 15yo leaving, other than that, nothing. I'm over that stage of grieving apparently.
Walked with the little ones to the library, it takes 15 minutes, and there is a HUGE DVD/VHS section there, so I do believe I will be putting Netflix on vacation hold until I can get back online(I'm at my sister's, I have laundry on the line) I do get all the local channels in on the tv too.
The cat has adjusted well, she doesn't even try to run out the apartment door when it's open. She has been very snuggly lately too.
Still working on filling out the household goods, but I'm getting closer. Have enough dishes and cookware to work with right now, will fill things out as needed.
He wants to do mediation for the divorce, I'm sure he thinks he'll get the best deal that way. He doesn't know that I have almost everything important to me, unfortnately I'm not sure what it's going to take to get 15yo back. I don't want his 401k, alimony, etc. I just want me back(and I'm on the road there) and to be able to support the younger two children.
Thanks everyone
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Your son may tire of living in the chaos over there without you around. Give it some time. I can't imagine that his probation officer would be thrilled to hear he is living with his alcoholic dad, but that's out of your hands.
Sounds like things are coming together. I didn't want anything from my exes other than my freedom, either. You just want to be sure that the agreement protects you from bad decisions he might make in the future and that it protects your son. Want to be sure there is life insurance and health insurance for him, etc.
Glad you are enjoying your peace!
Sounds like things are coming together. I didn't want anything from my exes other than my freedom, either. You just want to be sure that the agreement protects you from bad decisions he might make in the future and that it protects your son. Want to be sure there is life insurance and health insurance for him, etc.
Glad you are enjoying your peace!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Pixilation,
I am so very pleased for you.
The 15yr old is just testing you right now. Leave the door open, and he will know in his own time where to lay his hurt little heart.
I sent all my stuff in a shipment and was left with the very minimum of stuff for 6 weeks. The most eye-opening thing was, I didn't need any of it!
You have had a long road, and I truly am glad for you and the kids.
I am so very pleased for you.
The 15yr old is just testing you right now. Leave the door open, and he will know in his own time where to lay his hurt little heart.
I sent all my stuff in a shipment and was left with the very minimum of stuff for 6 weeks. The most eye-opening thing was, I didn't need any of it!
You have had a long road, and I truly am glad for you and the kids.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
As long as STBX keeps his job, then the kids have health insurance, and as long as he is still in the reserves, than the life insurance is there too.
And yes, I do believe it will be just a matter of time before he gets tired of STBX, and no, I don't think the prob. officer was happy to hear that news, but he is old enough to make his own decisions, good or bad, and if I tried to force him to stay with me, he would just run away. So, it's out of my hands at this point.
And yes, I do believe it will be just a matter of time before he gets tired of STBX, and no, I don't think the prob. officer was happy to hear that news, but he is old enough to make his own decisions, good or bad, and if I tried to force him to stay with me, he would just run away. So, it's out of my hands at this point.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Gotcha, but you still need to be sure contingencies are in place IF he loses his job or his insurance. For instance, my ex and I agreed that as long as I had the best deal for health insurance (it was free), I would keep them on my insurance, but that if that was no longer the best deal we would either switch to his or make other arrangements and share the cost proportionately. It's all about contingencies. Stuff changes in the future, and you don't want to have to go back to court to fight about it later. If you get a well-drafted agreement, and both parties make every effort to abide by it, you may never have to go back to court again.
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