TakingCharge999

Ohh I could have written this... what a great thread.


My reality would be living outside of town in a tiny one bedroom apartment

I am living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. As of today June 4th 2011 I don't think I was ever this content, relaxed and yes even... -gulp- HAPPY.

Perhaps make a plan for trying this restaurant project for one year, or whatever time, and see if you want to continue then? I have noticed I get stressed when I think anything is forever. When I go "this is what I am doing now, later it may change, I may change" I can relax and enjoy whatever is going on, knowing it may be temporary.

About accomplishments, etc that is the ego speaking not the spirit... when there is ego there can't be joy... remember the ego is our "false identity" its not really who we are. If you know who you are the voice of the ego is ridiculous.



Its wonderful you are getting ideas and inspiration, its funny because I've been getting some signals from Above that my IT field will be enough for survival but its too many extra hours of studying to get anywhere. I'll never excel nor I'll be a manager. And I don't want to be, either. And no, I don't have to have the same ambition or goal as the next coworker...


Turns out I have artistic talents and you know what I am starting to pursue them.... I am also getting all creative about projects and stuff and the best part is that all this makes ME happy and I honestly don't care if someone else likes what I do. I grab all the joy.

The "not good enough" mindset keeps us in our own jail. There is no contentment.


Talking to the rich family I rent from and their friends, they are obsessed with a larger house, nicer car, nicer boat, whatever.

Talking to my girlfriend's patients (she is a doctor, treats weight loss) no one is happy about their aspect either, even after many plastic surgeries. Some are Barbies yet you can see how unhappy they are and how much they reject themselves and how desperate they are for others attention (glad I am not there so much anymore!!)


Then I go home accepting my few extra pounds-I feel very healthy anyway- and I know one day I will get my own home and it won't be large and its OK because I am single and don't need anything. I am renting and may rent for a few more years and its OK.

I taste self compassion and acceptance and I wonder who is the lucky one in this picture!


I agree with the above posts about priorities... as it says here "identify your priorities, ignore everything else" or something like that.

Once I realized my priority is peace, health, relaxation, time for yoga/spirituality.. I stopped giving a damn about someone else's Mercedes or looks or whatever.... and its a great feeling


Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life | zen habits

kittykitty

It's funny TC, but I actually picture myself living in a quaint little apartment. Man, I was just sooo negative yesterday, it was horrible. I would like to live in a little apartment, I don't need three bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. I like quaint. I like cozy. I really do.

Thanks for the link, I checked it out, and I definitely need to downsize some of my stuff. Before I move all my stuff to wherever I end up, I will be doing alot of 'cleaning house'.

Glad you tapped into your creative side, good for you! What's your medium? Painting, music? Mine is food... and I'm finally getting excited about it again, thank goodness.

NYCDoglvr

Sorry, I've played the victim before, spent lots of time obsessing about pooooor me. I'm not going to feel very sympathetic.

I lost everything, all my professional opportunities when I was an active alcoholic. I got sober at 36 and am about to celebrity my 20th anniversary. During that time I've written two books, starting a very successful business (and later sold it).

You can decide to sink into a morass of self-pity or you can get the help you need and climb to a higher place. But only you can do it, no one else.

Babyblue

Never be ashamed of who you are. All the things you listed about your sister are external. I didn't read anything about her inner success.

Given the choice I'd rather invite you over to my house for dinner than your sister. You seem far more interesting.

My sister is exactly like yours and internally she is miserable. She has never dealt with her pain, she tries to just avoid it buy doing things, buying things to make her feel better and accepted.

I have a ratty old house and I buy my bras from Target. She has 3 homes (one in the states and two in France). But I wouldn't trade my life for anything because while she was busy buying stuff and perfecting her houses, I was making connections and working on perfecting myself.

Have the courage to be imperfect.

barb dwyer

I live in left field -

and if you decide to go with this
instead of concerning about 'keeping up with'
or 'catching up with'

maybe focus on those in the immediate community
who need the experience that you have?

You could cook for a local shelter
volunteer to teach a mom with a kid
just diagnosed with diabetes how to cook

Make meals like a saturday night out
for a local abuse center...

I can come up with a hundred ways to pay it forward
sideways or up or down ....

It could be a very very positive thing
that would help the
entire community.

And if it's a snobby college kind of town
the town right next to it may need help.

*shrug*

just wandering around left field is all.

kittykitty

Sometimes left field is the best place to be!

Today was a completely different day. I'm excited to be here, we are back at the mountain house again, and I did some burning tonight (i love to clear land and burn things). Saw a moth the size of my cell phone, bright green and looked like a leaf, the body was fuzzy white. Saw another one that was pink and yellow. Found a lilac bush my sister didn't know was there, as well as at least 30 raspberry bushes and 5 blueberry bushes. I love nature, it really is beautiful up here.

I still don't know what caused my funk, but I'm definitely out of it. Staring up at the stars tonight, sitting at my own little campfire, I realized what an opportunity I have here. I do realize that although I am not perfect, I have something to offer. I am a good person, who can make things work anywhere, and for the most part be happy wherever I land. I'm excited again about this new chapter in my life, excited like I was when I left SC to start my exploration.

Thanks again to everyone for the support, it really means so much to me. If I open the restaurant, you can all come in and eat for free!

barb dwyer

ohhohhhohhhh... free food?!?!?!?!??!!!

*ZOOM*

lol

skippernlilg

I was out here in left field with Barb:

I was thinking that while charity starts at home or from within or somesuch, so it somehow soothes the giver and receiver. You get to be a part of the blessing either way.

You could focus your attention on one of those things Barb suggested, and it will seem a breeze to you to share your gift of chef-ery.

I'm glad you're feeling better today. Keep it up!

LaPinturaBella

Kitty...

First, I hope you are feeling better. Second, if you hadn't realized it before, look at special people think you are. Look at the validation, support and just good old concern you received here from a bunch of people you've never met IRL...because YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!!

OK...now for my take/experience. You would probably be shocked to now that inside your sister feels not good enough at times. Maybe she's envious that you've been a chef, a polo player, have traveled. Hell, maybe she thinks you are more adventurous, sure of yourself, prettier...whatever. The point is, there is something and you'd ever guess it because you are not her. And she is not you.

Second, you are looking at "success" in the classic Western Civilization mode...that you are only successful is you make lots of money, have tons of possessions, go to the "right" schools, know the "right" people, have the "right" job, etc., etc., ad nauseaum. And you are condemning yourself for not being "successful" per this one, narrow definition.

Well, my kind, intelligent, caring, intuitive friend (yes, I see these things in you in your posts), you are successful. You have dared to dream. You have dared to turn those dreams into reality. You have dared to risk...which is a heck of a lot more than the majority of people ever do. You have led an interesting, no fascinating, life. You are brave. You are bold. You don't fit into the "Mold." And if you tried to, I guarantee you'd be spiritually miserable. I see so much of myself in you.

Well, hon, I walked away from a "successful life at 40. I left a high paying, prestigious job that people would kill for. The problem was, I hated it and felt enslaved to it. I gave up everything to pursue my dream, to make a living as an artist. And honey, I have been poor. But I LOVE MY life!!!! My soul is fed and ecstatically happy! And that is success in my book.

Now, to wrap this lecture up...I have a feeling you are at loose ends right now an it has all come to a head. You have left a relationship you had hopes for. You have been hurt. You are trying to figure out your next steps. You are overwhelmed. Of course you're going to break down a bit. But, you did so now because you ARE with family, with people you love and trust and who you feel loved by and safe with. And, sometimes we need to break down in order to break through.

This is all part of your journey. It's OK. It's preparing you for the next stellar phase of YOUR life. Feel it, acknowledge it, cry, scream, get it out. And then you will be ready to see your next steps.

Big hug!

TakingCharge999

Oh really? for free? where was that, SC? I need a US map.

Ah the rollercoasters, Friday I was on top of the world, yesterday blessed and happy and today I have been the most antisocial person unable to see a single good thing in the world, unmotivated and blaaaaaaaaaaah. LOL. I wish I was more emotionally stable but I also think it would be very boring.

Also might I point out, perhaps your sis is also happy with her life? I mean even if theoretically she had everything and was wonderful and satisfied and at peace etc etc... it still doesn't say anything about you, or take anything away from you. Well at least that is what I have been thinking about when feeling envy, that perhaps the other person is indeed realized and can be spiritual and rich and beautiful and it does not take away anything from me anyway.

Good for them. Now on to MY day.

I am glad you are seeing the blessings, I see

/you can be grateful your sis will never ask you for money my dad's siblings, well some are doing fine, but there is one that is super poor and can't get his life together, and it hurts the whole family. Its a blessing she has enough.

/if you get a small place you have less floor to sweep and less room to clean up and more time for YOU time.

Glad you are feeling better! now I feel better too... thanks for sharing your hope...

TakingCharge999

LaPinturaBella thanks for sharing about your passion.. recently I've thought about how I might never make big bucks with my "art" (I like painting! painting canvases, clothing, purses, jewelry boxes..) and how I immediately suffer because of this.

I realize that is something others have commented on but I truly don't care. Just being in the process of creating something, is wonderful for me, and fulfills me.. no one ever could take away this joy, its totally mine.

So, as long as we focus and remember what WE are really about, we are fine!

kittykitty

Bella, what an awesome post. Thank you for believing in me so much, and giving me the courage to believe in myself too. I am definitely breaking through, and I feel so much better than the other day. I think stuff was just building in my subconcious, I was doing such a great job of being carefree and happy that I forgot to deal with a few things. I love hearing stories like yours, because that is who I want to be. Burning some limbs and looking at the stars the other night made me happier than I have been in a long time, more at peace. And it didn't cost a damn thing.

TC, how boring would it be if we never 'lost it' once in a while? ha
And I am definitely a fan of less rooms to sweep...I was reminded of this while helping my sister hang the umpteenth curtain rod in the 5th bedroom, whatever, and I was like, "i am never going to have a house this big, this is way too much work. I'd rather be outside burning something..."

MeredithD1

thank you for this beautiful thread!!!

KK, all manner of wonderful things are ahead of you. Your life is about so much more than the size and cost of your coffee table. I could almost feel the air and see the stars...I thought of marshmallows

I've been uninsured at a few points along the curve of my adult life. As Richard Bach wrote in ILLUSIONS, the ADVENTURES of a RELUCTANT MESSIAH (paraphrased), "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift in its hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts." Because of a lack of insurance, I sought out the advice of people in health food stores. I started attending presentations on alternative medicine. I learned things that I never would have learned if I had just kept going to the doctor. It was from learning so much I never would have learned otherwise that I was able to take care of my health as I never imagined I could. When I did get insurance, I took this wealth of knowledge to my MD doctor. I see him, what, once or twice a year, maybe a half-hour at a time? I live in my body 24/7...and he was happy to have a patient who took the incentive.

Inside every moment of your life is a miracle waiting to be discovered. I'm full of joy for you, that you are on such an awesome, life-affirming path!