GettingBy

for me, and him. Fridays mean for him... leaving work at 2:30... going to the bar and having drinks all evening and night.

Fridays mean for me... getting a incoherent text around 3:45... "can u ger kids. im busy." Which, as I've said before, is "AH lingo" for - I'm too preoccupied with drinking to be responsible for our children, car keys, or a debit card.

The anger and frustration is rumbling inside me right now. I'm so fed up with living with an A.



Back to our regularly scheduled programmed... "Gettingby's Divorce Progress"....


I had cleaning people come and scrub the house from top to bottom today. All rooms looked marvelous so I could take all the real estate photos for the listing. Gotta get this dang house sold.

Shellcrusher

Yes, Friday is a hard day for me too.
I don't really feel like topping my TGIF thread but maybe I will just to blow off some silly steam. Keep your eyes peeled GettingBy. This ones for you.

Sylvie66

Oh, yeah. I used to wake up with dread on Tuesdays. Why? Because Monday night's gig let out at 1am, and he'd stay up all night drinking, then go to bed at 6am, get up for the 1pm rehearsal, which involved drinking, and then host the weekly poker game, which was worse. Good God. Eventually the poker games went elsewhere. I still cringe when it's Tuesday, but it's more like an old bruise now. Time and distance bring peace of mind, eventually.

- Sylvie

Ponder

Agree. I used to be able to look forward to the weekend. Now I dread them.

Lola1024

I can totally relate to this. I used to wake up every Friday morning with a pit in my stomach. Worse on holiday weekends. It has taken me several months to get out of the habit of the Friday nite dreads.

Thankfully weekends are coming back to meaning good things these days. It takes time but it can happen !

Alone22

The anxiety starts to build for me Friday morning. I never know what kind of weekend is in store. This friday (yesterday) AH who indicated he quit drinking almost 3 weeks ago, left to have the car washed (which in itself is fine, but when he runs to get something done that is when he also picks up booze, so it makes me wonder). AH sneaks and hides his drinking, but I know how it goes. Last night after time in the garage, sure enough I am pretty dang sure I could smell it. Hard to tell by actions, talking etc if he has been drinking unless it is a HUGE amount. The changes are minimal normally.

So not even 3 weeks in and it appears he is back at it. Left this morning for a run to get bagels ( those runs on the weekends have been costing $100+ a month)... didn't know they were that expensive. BUT I knew he wasn't really diving into the recovery process (I have seen him do that and now I know how that really changes their attitude) so it was easy to spot that he was just trying not to drink. I knew it was only a matter of time.

Could I be wrong? Yes, but more than likely not. He is leaving for a few days tomorrow. At least he will not be around to smell or not smell for a few days.

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Alone - That is what I feel "It is just a matter of time". I am sure not going to miss waiting for the "other shoe to drop". Mine has stopped (once again) for a few months and I thought that familiar odor was back again. The great thing now is I do not even care. I just said oh there is the smell and he is like I am sweating that is what your smelling. Oh YA RIGHT!!! Sweat with a little bud light mixed in. I said to him"Really it is not worth it, you are just going to lie anyways".

Recovery is great though because I really don't give a s**t anymore! I see the light at the end of the tunnel on my train ride out of CRAZYLAND!!!

Mightyqueen801

Oh, that brought back a memory. My EXAH left one Sunday morning to "go get a newspaper". He came back the next day. Didn't have a newspaper, either.

Alone22

Hey he just left to see his sponsor...hummm that at least is a step in the right direction. Now there are just 1,982, 493 more steps in the right direction to go. Can you tell I am not holding my breath yet? My recovery is at least a few steps ahead of his.

Tuffgirl

I never put together the constant errand running to hiding excessive drinking. I guess I never thought it was something other than a strange obsession with Wal-Mart. Plus, we never shared bank accounts so I never could see how much these random trips to the store were costing. Funny - reading these makes me realize I just never looked for stuff like this, and when I finally admitted this guy is an alcoholic, never thought to care enough at that point to look. Just started planning my get-away. But he certainly ran a lot of "errands" alone. Going to the corner for cigarettes took an hour. Hhhmmm....

Weekends were also a dread for me but now, with my own house, I look forward to them again. Such a nice thing...to wake up in a good mood and not have someone bitching and moaning because he's hung over. Sunday's were the worst day...he would realize how much time he had wasted by Sunday morning and be FURIOUS. Which often because my fault (WTF?) that he had not accomplished anything over the weekend.

Just last weekend, he made a comment about how much earlier I get up and get moving on the weekends now that we don't live together. "This is a new Tuffgirl that I have to get used to" he said. Well...actually...nooo... I've always been a morning person. I just avoided you in the mornings for as long as possible.

sandrawg

3 months of not living with an alcoholic, I no longer dread weekends! woo hoo!

I am still thikning of the birthday party I went to of a guy I'd been seeing...Friday night a few weeks ago. Nobody drank to excess. There was no sloppy staggering stupid impulsive BS to have to endure.

Yup, I kind of like this life of staying away from alcoholics. It's a h&ll of a lot more peaceful!!

GettingBy

Boy oh boy... My drunk-dar was spot on last night. AH came home trashed beyond words, and then proceeded to drink more at our neighbors graduation party. This is the same neighbor that tried to talk me into giving AH a "second chance" because he felt his conversation with AH was really going to make a difference. Well, the neighbor was singing a different song last night... "geez, we hate to see YOU leave, but we will be glad to have him gone! I cant believe how bad his drinking is!!"

Uh, yeah, try LIVING with him.


Tonights the wedding I talked about a few weeks ago... I don't feel one drop of guilt for not being there. In fact, kids and I had an awesome evening with my folks. Planted a pumpkin patch and a bunch of sunflowers... and then sat and did some bird watching.


Life is good.

Seren

Sounds like you had a great day in spite of what your stbxAH decided to do! Hope the rest of your weekend is fun and relaxing for you and the kiddos!!

GettingBy

We did have a great day. I went for a long bike ride alone while kids and AH slept, then a short bike ride with kids when I got back.


I'm determined to live my life, as I want it... No matter what he chooses to do or not do.


As Tom Petty says... It's time to move on, it's time to get going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing. But under my feet, the grass is growing.

And from the movie, "he's just not that into you".... Maybe the happy ending Is just moving on.

Tuffgirl

Gawd - not to highjack this but crap. One of my daughter's classmates died last night - 17 years old - alcohol poisoning. Passed out at a camp site party and never woke up.

I am sick to my stomach. Here we talk about the weekend dread, and some family has to bury their 17 yr old because of alcohol. Damnit. It's just not right. It's not fair.

Impurrfect

(((Tuffgirl))) - so sorry about the young girl dying. I worry about that with my niece. She SAYS she's not drinking, and I know she doesn't do it around her bf or his parents (where she lives) but am also aware that if she wants to find a way, she will.

Prayers being sent to all those who loved her.

Also saying prayers for those of you who are still dealing with the A's, but sounds like many are making positive steps in detaching, getting away, etc.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy