Sylvie66

Whatever is bothering me is all about me, and not about my ABF, which I suppose is 'progress' - but I feel like sh*t.

I have more time to think now, and I'm not utilizing the time well. I think about what could have been, and the lovely times, and the way he smells, and the trashed house, and the worry and the fights and the smell of booze. Mostly, I've been thinking about my perpetual bad choices in men and how stupid I was to move in at all, and how ashamed I feel for putting my kids through that.

And still, I'm jealous of those of you with loved ones in recovery, or rehab, or admitting at all that there's a problem.

I'm sad and mad, and liable to snap at my poor kid, who came home sick from a birthday party.


Time to play the Gratitude Game:

I got rid of unwanted stuff from the apartment, and picked up necessary things. I painted the inside of the cupboards white. I'm dyeing my hair red. My dad called, and heard me. I have money in the bank. I have a great job and a great side business. I have truly wonderful, fun children who love me. I have tickets to see my favorite play tomorrow (not surprisingly, it's "You Can't Take It With You"). I'm listening to a 4 hour track of my favorite music. I made rhubarb compote, and ate it with a spoon. I had a chocolate bar for dinner. I got nice clothes from the local free box. I get to connect with people who get it on SR. I held my ground with ABF today. I'm fit and strong and healthy and smart and I know that there's a better life waiting for me to come along and claim it.

Thank you, I feel better now.

- Sylvie

February

Right there with you- it's hard not to think about the could have beens when you are at home alone. Worried my taste in men and some of my relationship behaviors will be perpetually bad...but it's not over for either of us! Sounds like you have lots to be excited about and proud of, though. Kudos to you for focusing on your talents and strengths!

Tuffgirl

We've all had nights like you describe. Hell, probably months of nights like those. Years, maybe?!!!

Anyway - you are not alone in your thoughts.

Here's the crazy part. Mine is in "recovery" and it isn't a walk in the park - not like we think it will be. I sometimes miss the drunk husband. He was easier to get along with then this unknown man before me who still blames me, even with the new self awareness and open mind.

Be careful what you wish for...

Keep taking care of you. In the end, that's all that matters anyway!

BobbyJ

You have more potential than you realize....

Pat yourself on the back, for helping me today!!!

I cant THANK YOU enough for opening your heart up & sharing your wise wisdom!!!

You have talent..use it wisely and You now have red hair...shake it baby!! lol