Sylvie66

My boyfriend lied to me again. My eyes are not so great, and my hearing sucks, but there is nothing wrong with my sense of placement, my memory, or my sense of smell. I'm not sure what he's trying to prove, but so far he's proven that gaslighting is the new Olympic sport.

The other day I went over to have lunch with him, and he stank like the night before. He asked me to stay the night, and I said no. I didn't mention the smell because it's none of my business. But yesterday, we were talking and he said he hadn't had anything to drink since he broke our lunch date 3 weeks ago due to a hangover. I pointed out the empty wine bottle next to my garden, the smell last week, the cork next to his bed. He said all that was from 3 weeks ago. I don't think so. He's putting his gloss over my sense of reality - gaslighting at its finest. I actually believed that maybe I was mistaken for a minute; then I remembered; I'd weeded that garden the weekend before. There was no bottle of wine.

I find it maddening. Maybe he's lying to himself. Maybe he doesn't remember. Maybe it doesn't matter, because the fact is he lied to me again!

I hate liars. I hate alcoholics. I hate drama. I'm stomping off to a meeting in an hour. Maybe I'll be quiet at this one and learn something!!!!

- Sylvie

kittykitty

Ditto. What are you getting out of this relationship? On a list of pros and cons, what are the pros?

m1k3

You know how you can tell when an alcoholic is lying? Their lips move.

You deserve better.

hello-kitty

Sounds like you need that meeting... and a new boyfriend!

barb dwyer

I liked this part made me smile -
I'm picturing the classic stage-stomping -
where the arms are swinging,
the whole body is tilted forward, following the head...

maybe the 'Angry Fred Flintstone tuba music' in the background...

made me smile.

fourmaggie

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Unfortunately, lying is a big part of addiction. It goes hand and hand.

Florence

So what do you guys do when you know someone is lying to you? Do you confront that person?

I have a hard time (understatement of the year) shutting up and disconnecting when I know I'm being lied to.

wanttobehealthy

Perfectly said!!!!!

I find it maddening. I'd say definitely!

Agreed. I am right there with you. I can't offer anything constructive or positive tonight bc I am angry along with you. I wish I could cut AH out of my life entirely. Someone with no morals, no respect for others, no values etc... frankly has no right to be a parent to young kids nor deserves any interaction with me at all. I've had it with compassion, detachment with love and forgiveness. Time for him to get his act together or get the hell out of my life. Sounds like your BF and my H could make the perfect pair.

Sorry things are so crummy. You deserve SO much better.

japabp2000

Glad you are going to meetings..I'm going to quote what I have been told here at least 3 or 4 times, and that is, "You didn't cause this, you cannot control this, and you cannot cure him." I think I said that right..pretty sure I did, maybe not in the right order but anywho. Just take care of YOU sweetie!!! ((((Hugs))))

barb dwyer

Florence -

I think your question deserves its own thread!

"What do YOU do when someone is lying to you?"

that's a great thread, I'm sayin!

Lying to me says =-
the disease is still stronger than the recovery.

Florence

Let's make that happen...

sandrawg

What do you do when someone keeps lying to you, as alcoholics ALWAYs do?

You walk.

Because you basically have a farce of a relationship. Healthy relationships rely on trust. Trust is impossible with an alcoholic. They can't even be honest with THEMSELVES.

I wasted 3.5 yrs on one; pls don't make my same mistake.

NTurn

I hate the lies ... blatant lies, and yes they go hand in hand with the vodka..I just walk away now.

fourmaggie

SO TRUE!! awesome quote Barb...!!!

I got the ah ha moment!!