February

Update: blocked all of Matt's calls and texts starting Wednesday night. As of Saturday night there were 101 texts and 45 missed calls. I was able to look at the texts since they went into a blocked text folder on my phone (although thank God they did not trouble me by going into my real inbox). There were some really nasty ones- calling me f-ing crazy and a sick piece of sh*t, all because I had told him I wanted no contact and was blocking his calls and texts. Me crazy, and him sane- I am not texting someone multiple times an hour who wants nothing to do with me! I was creeped out. What did me in today was when I came out of church this morning with my kids, I had a flat tire. After it was changed the man who helped me said, "Wow, how did this get there?" What had caused my flat was the broken-off blade of either a box cutter or an Xacto knife. I went to the police as soon as I could get my kids watched. It was really hard telling the officer what had been going on. He said I seemed overly concerned about making Matt mad or getting embarassed by this coming out to people we used to work for. He said it was normal to be crying and shaking from fear like I was but we needed to just be concerned about making me safe. I had a hard time not throwing up I did not expect it to be that hard. This was someone I thought I could trust when I left my AH so I guess it was hard to lose another fantasy- this time the fantasy of a man who would actually care about me without wanting to control me. The officer said, "Honey, thank the Lord you have not married someone like this. Most of these guys end up getting some girl to marry them and never let them make another decision again." I think it's bad enough that I am held in fear to this person when I should be just taking care of me and my kids, and learning how to detach better from AH. Btw when I told the officer that I wanted to resolve this without arresting Matt if at all possible, he asked why. I said, "because I have cared a lot about him in the past and I don't want to ruin his life with these charges." He asked, "Why? He has no problem ruining yours! He has CHOSEN to harrass and stalk you, and he knows he is making you afraid and yet has not stopped." Good point. I wonder if this cop is an Al Anon. He seems very grounded.
Now we play the wait and see game. After I drew the line in the sand last night (do NOT contact me again or I will get the cops involved) Matt has left me alone. I only went to the police because of the tire. I of course have no proof it was him but enough suspicion to have acted on it. I seem to not have any other people angry enought to slit a tire. I am supposed to call 911 if he pulls up to my house and stops, or the non emergency number if I see him drive by. A detective will be calling me tomorrow or Tuesday. Thanks for your support. Please pray he leaves me alone and I don't have to take this any further. I need to focus all of my energy on taking care of me, my kids, and my work!

StarCat

That cop is awesome! I am glad you went to the police, and are now in good hands.

My XABF was very controlling. He even started stalking me (mildly, especially compared to this guy Matt, but scary nonetheless.)
When I bought the new car, I paid extra for the special insurance they were offering, that covers lots of odds and ends that would cost less than an insurance deductible to fix. I wouldn't have bought it except that it also covered slashed tires, and that was one of my biggest fears. (He still doesn't know what car I drive, which also helps my piece of mind, especially since it's a popular average-looking car in an extremely popular color.)

You can't put a price tag on piece of mind.

I would suggest adding that non-emergency number for drive-bys to your cell phone speed dial, if you have that option available. I put my local police on speed dial on my phone, and even though I have never used it, I feel so much safer knowing I have it readily available.

LaPinturaBella

Oh February...I am so sorry he's doing this to you. I'm relieved to hear you went to the police. There may not be any proof that Matt slit your tires, but like you said, who else would have??? Continue to be alert at ALL times. Guys like this can escalate...because the entire "relationship"is a fantasy and is built up in his head. I'm glad he seems to have backed off at the mention of the police, but do not take it for granted.

Also, please heed the officer's word...don't worry about ruining his reputation...he has certainly NOT given one little thought to ruining your life. This must be taken seriously and he must face his consequences for his choices. Take care. Go snuggle with your babies...that's always a good soothing thing to do!

LexieCat

Ditto what everyone here said. Stalkers are among the most dangerous people there are. I worked many years in the DV field and I once dealt with a guy who (we were able to prove it) was mailing himself harassing, threatening stuff trying to pin it on the victim's boyfriend.

Because they are OBSESSED, the normal rules don't apply to them. They can't stop what they are doing. The quicker you get it all out in the open and go on the offensive, the better off you are. Glad you are taking action. The problem some people have is that the police don't take it seriously. You are lucky there, in that you have someone who gets it.

Hugs, stay safe, and report/document EVERYTHING.

February

Well it has now been since May 14 that I heard from him. A detective called me a couple of days after I filed the report and checked up on me. He had gone by Matt's house that morning and put the fear of the law into him. He said matt had all kinds of excuses for why his behavior was ok, that he was physically sick over me being afraid of him and that he needed to speak with me to straighten things out. The detective told him that Matt needed to speak to his therapist, pastor, priest, or rabbi- not me. Ever. That he had enough evidence just from the texts and phone records to haul him into jail for harassment, and if Matt kept contacting me, that is just what the police plan to do. I am sorry he is having a bad life right now, but I do not feel repsonsible. It is NOT my job to make him feel ok about himself or his choices. I cannot express how much more peaceful and less frazzed I feel. I wish I had done this much sooner. I cannot ever again let fear of someone else's revenge keep me from taking care of myself. I have too much on my plate already with 2 kids, 2 jobs, a lack of ability to get out of bad situations, and and estranged AH!

barb dwyer

keep one eye open, but... whew!

MeredithD1

YEA for you!! for going to the police, for listening to the VERY WISE advice that you got from the police and from everyone here, and for sticking with it!!!

And WHEW! that his contact has ceased.

Keep any case numbers, and phone numbers of the policeman/detective who helped you, handy, and use them if you need to. He may wait until he thinks things have cooled down and try contact again. Zero tolerance if he does!