depressed and angry. I don't know what to do.
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Yeah, I wrote out a bunch of replies to his last nasty email he sent a couple wks ago. I am keeping it for myself. No point in sending it to him--he will look for an excuse to start up the dialogue again, and nothing he says makes sense anymore. It's all quack quack deny deny. Trying to get the last word with an alcoholic is like being Sisyphus, pushing the rock up the hill for all eternity.
Originally Posted by Linkmeister 
The key word-DENIAL.
Over the course of our relationship, my EX came up with so many reasons for him wanting to break up with me, ranging from me being too loving, not loving, too cheap, to extravagant, too demanding, having a dog, and when he ran out of reasons, started at the top of the list and worked his way down it again.
The funny thing was that alcohol never was a reason we broke up (according to him) - this final time, I got a snarky email from him accusing me of playing 'the alcohol card" , saying that it was "my smoking" that did it, that it turned him off. He called me a quitter as it related to smoking and my return to school. When I asked him about his quitting drinking, he got very defensive - I was supposed to accept that and understand his addiction.
We do get addicted to them, to the relationship and the desire to "fix" them. I felt the same way as well, went through the same withdrawal symptoms-wanting to contact him, to have the last word, to tell "my side" of the story, but now that I have gone total NC, I am sitting back and seeing that if I did that, I would be playing into his hands, to resume the addiction and to be telling them these kinds of things that will be thrown back in my face yet again.
My EX chooses not to embrace recovery and that is his choice. For me, I made the choice not to continue in the chaos and insanity and so far, hard as it has been some days, each day that I am away from it is another step forward.
Over the course of our relationship, my EX came up with so many reasons for him wanting to break up with me, ranging from me being too loving, not loving, too cheap, to extravagant, too demanding, having a dog, and when he ran out of reasons, started at the top of the list and worked his way down it again.
The funny thing was that alcohol never was a reason we broke up (according to him) - this final time, I got a snarky email from him accusing me of playing 'the alcohol card" , saying that it was "my smoking" that did it, that it turned him off. He called me a quitter as it related to smoking and my return to school. When I asked him about his quitting drinking, he got very defensive - I was supposed to accept that and understand his addiction.
We do get addicted to them, to the relationship and the desire to "fix" them. I felt the same way as well, went through the same withdrawal symptoms-wanting to contact him, to have the last word, to tell "my side" of the story, but now that I have gone total NC, I am sitting back and seeing that if I did that, I would be playing into his hands, to resume the addiction and to be telling them these kinds of things that will be thrown back in my face yet again.
My EX chooses not to embrace recovery and that is his choice. For me, I made the choice not to continue in the chaos and insanity and so far, hard as it has been some days, each day that I am away from it is another step forward.
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Originally Posted by LovetoLaugh
I just want to shut off my mind, its almost as exhausting as being with him.
So what can we DO to help each other find our way out of BIZARRO WORLD?
So what can we DO to help each other find our way out of BIZARRO WORLD?
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I'm glad this thread has become an outlet for a lot of us to vent our feelings-pls no body worry about hijacking this thread-feel free to come and check in every day and let us all know how your'e doing!!
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
I'm sorry, I know addiction isn't a choice but at some point you gotta look at what you lost. He won't even see me as being someone worthwhile whom he lost. He twists it all into the evil controlling gf.
....
The question of fairness arises as the addict attempts to extenuate his own admitted transgressions by repeated references to what he considers the equal or greater faults of those who complain of his addictive behavior. This natural defensive maneuver of "the best defense is a good offense" variety can be the first step on a slippery slope that leads to the paranoid demonization of the very people the addict cares about the most.
From Addiction, Lies and Relationships
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
He chooses to keep goign to the bar with his pothead ex.
We must awaken to the fact that those that have a dependency problem are very sick selfish individuals. They do not have to look far for someone to feed off of, in a parasitic way, as there are too many individuals who are subconscious, willing victims who come to them and then become martyrs to the cause, and now nurture the dis-ease in the person who they have given their power to. It all stems from a selfish act.
..
We must remember that this is a selfish act, and a selfish person needs someone to be selfish with in order to create friction, which then causes energy outbursts. This is what they feed on. If they have a mate who condones or feeds their source, they do not have to touch, communicate, or in anyway have interaction, as just the fact that they are in close proximity feeds their emotional and mental dis-eased nature. They need to feed off of someone in a parasitic way.
...
The next thing to consider is that as long as there are victims or martyrs who want to play this role, the alcoholic or drug addict will continue in their self-serving interest with or without you. If someone is willing to give, they will take. It does not matter how much love the mate, family or friends give, it will only serve their self-interest. The next thing that you will realize is that you cannot deal or work with them, as their self-serving interest will deny you of fair play. They will always let you down.
From: Dependency - Relationship
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Aside from the agony I'm in over Xabf I think you all would be proud to know that my picker is working better these days. I met a guy 3 weeks ago and he was really nice and charming and we went out once for dinner. After the date, he was texting me non stop, like 5 or 6 times per day which I think is a lot when you first meet someone. I like to take it slow. Anyway, he asked me to go out again last week and I wasn't really feeling him anymore because of the crazy texting he was doing everyday. So, I made up a little lie and said I wasn't feeling so great and that I had a cold. Well, just the other day I get a knock on my door from the fed-ex guy with a delivery. This guy had sent me this HUGE gift basket that said "GET WELL SOON" with all this chicken noodle soup and tea in it. I'm sorry but this freaked me out. I just met the guy and he is sending me a gift basket to my house?? RED FLAG. Well, obviously I'm not talking to him anymore. I just found out through a mutual friend that he was arrested and put in jail a few months ago for beating up his girlfriend and sending her to the hospital. WTF. So yeah, bad guys are everywhere and now I can spot them so I was proud that I'm picking up on red flags. In the past, I probably would have ignored the crazy texting and the gift basket but nope I pay attention now. SO THANKS XABF for that one!!!! You were nasty to me and now I know that my picker is way better than it use to be!
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It helps to do a gratitude list of what is going right. There are stages of grief. You may be in anger one day, acceptance one day, denial one day, bargaining one day, flip back and forth until one day you stay in acceptance. It takes time. The good thing about feelings- they are not facts and they do move. Emotions= emote -means move. They change. The only difference between a good day and a bad day is one day. I got better when I finally accepted who he really was. Not who I wanted him to be. The real deal. A friend of mine who loves me and knew him said- "he's just a drunk." After reading" Code No More" I realized some stuff about me and my patterns with men. The feelings take a while. It gets better. I look back now and I am about 10% sad and 90% disgusted. But it is better. I believe my higher power has a plan for me. I have a choice to be positive and make the best out of my situation or be in the poor me's. Meetings are great to see you are not alone in what you are experiencing. It is hard taking the backseat to addiction. Addiction won. I am glad I do not live like that anymore. I can choose to see what is going right. I can stay in the moment. Looking back I get depressed. Looking forward I get anxiety. But- I am fine in this moment. I have a new group of recovery friends and family. I have a nice apt. with no addiction around me. I have my pets. I don't answer to anyone but my HP. I live in the solution not the problem. It's getting better.
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Yay! Good for you! I'm proud of you, D!
Whenever someone jumps to get to close to you too quickly, that is always a red flag. My exabf was too clingy and needy to me from the beginning and i misinterpreted that as love at first sight or whatever.
Whenever someone jumps to get to close to you too quickly, that is always a red flag. My exabf was too clingy and needy to me from the beginning and i misinterpreted that as love at first sight or whatever.
Originally Posted by duqld1717
Aside from the agony I'm in over Xabf I think you all would be proud to know that my picker is working better these days. I met a guy 3 weeks ago and he was really nice and charming and we went out once for dinner. After the date, he was texting me non stop, like 5 or 6 times per day which I think is a lot when you first meet someone. I like to take it slow. Anyway, he asked me to go out again last week and I wasn't really feeling him anymore because of the crazy texting he was doing everyday. So, I made up a little lie and said I wasn't feeling so great and that I had a cold. Well, just the other day I get a knock on my door from the fed-ex guy with a delivery. This guy had sent me this HUGE gift basket that said "GET WELL SOON" with all this chicken noodle soup and tea in it. I'm sorry but this freaked me out. I just met the guy and he is sending me a gift basket to my house?? RED FLAG. Well, obviously I'm not talking to him anymore. I just found out through a mutual friend that he was arrested and put in jail a few months ago for beating up his girlfriend and sending her to the hospital. WTF. So yeah, bad guys are everywhere and now I can spot them so I was proud that I'm picking up on red flags. In the past, I probably would have ignored the crazy texting and the gift basket but nope I pay attention now. SO THANKS XABF for that one!!!! You were nasty to me and now I know that my picker is way better than it use to be!
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"Whenever someone jumps to get to close to you too quickly, that is always a red flag. My exabf was too clingy and needy to me from the beginning and i misinterpreted that as love at first sight or whatever"
Yes! Mine told me he loved me after like 3 weeks hahaha and I was like awww how sweet! Vomit!! I think he was actually drunk when he first said it too bc I remember thinking why does he sound like he has cotton in his mouth!? LOL. (You know the slurry speech). I hope he proposes to his new gf after a month and they both get drunk and fly to Vegas and get married and they have to go through a miserable divorce!
I'm in a meanie kind of mood right now but I seriously hope they both crash and burn!
Yes! Mine told me he loved me after like 3 weeks hahaha and I was like awww how sweet! Vomit!! I think he was actually drunk when he first said it too bc I remember thinking why does he sound like he has cotton in his mouth!? LOL. (You know the slurry speech). I hope he proposes to his new gf after a month and they both get drunk and fly to Vegas and get married and they have to go through a miserable divorce!
I'm in a meanie kind of mood right now but I seriously hope they both crash and burn!
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This is interesting, T.C. What is the organization that produced it?
We must awaken to the fact that those that have a dependency problem are very sick selfish individuals. They do not have to look far for someone to feed off of, in a parasitic way, as there are too many individuals who are subconscious, willing victims who come to them and then become martyrs to the cause, and now nurture the dis-ease in the person who they have given their power to. It all stems from a selfish act.
..
We must remember that this is a selfish act, and a selfish person needs someone to be selfish with in order to create friction, which then causes energy outbursts. This is what they feed on. If they have a mate who condones or feeds their source, they do not have to touch, communicate, or in anyway have interaction, as just the fact that they are in close proximity feeds their emotional and mental dis-eased nature. They need to feed off of someone in a parasitic way.
...
The next thing to consider is that as long as there are victims or martyrs who want to play this role, the alcoholic or drug addict will continue in their self-serving interest with or without you. If someone is willing to give, they will take. It does not matter how much love the mate, family or friends give, it will only serve their self-interest. The next thing that you will realize is that you cannot deal or work with them, as their self-serving interest will deny you of fair play. They will always let you down.
From: Dependency - Relationship
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
We must awaken to the fact that those that have a dependency problem are very sick selfish individuals. They do not have to look far for someone to feed off of, in a parasitic way, as there are too many individuals who are subconscious, willing victims who come to them and then become martyrs to the cause, and now nurture the dis-ease in the person who they have given their power to. It all stems from a selfish act.
..
We must remember that this is a selfish act, and a selfish person needs someone to be selfish with in order to create friction, which then causes energy outbursts. This is what they feed on. If they have a mate who condones or feeds their source, they do not have to touch, communicate, or in anyway have interaction, as just the fact that they are in close proximity feeds their emotional and mental dis-eased nature. They need to feed off of someone in a parasitic way.
...
The next thing to consider is that as long as there are victims or martyrs who want to play this role, the alcoholic or drug addict will continue in their self-serving interest with or without you. If someone is willing to give, they will take. It does not matter how much love the mate, family or friends give, it will only serve their self-interest. The next thing that you will realize is that you cannot deal or work with them, as their self-serving interest will deny you of fair play. They will always let you down.
From: Dependency - Relationship
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Trust me, they probably will.
My ex and whatever he considers his idiotic pothead ex he's shacking up with every weekend are a train wreck waiting to happen.
My ex and whatever he considers his idiotic pothead ex he's shacking up with every weekend are a train wreck waiting to happen.
Originally Posted by duqld1717
"Whenever someone jumps to get to close to you too quickly, that is always a red flag. My exabf was too clingy and needy to me from the beginning and i misinterpreted that as love at first sight or whatever"
Yes! Mine told me he loved me after like 3 weeks hahaha and I was like awww how sweet! Vomit!! I think he was actually drunk when he first said it too bc I remember thinking why does he sound like he has cotton in his mouth!? LOL. (You know the slurry speech). I hope he proposes to his new gf after a month and they both get drunk and fly to Vegas and get married and they have to go through a miserable divorce!
I'm in a meanie kind of mood right now but I seriously hope they both crash and burn!
Yes! Mine told me he loved me after like 3 weeks hahaha and I was like awww how sweet! Vomit!! I think he was actually drunk when he first said it too bc I remember thinking why does he sound like he has cotton in his mouth!? LOL. (You know the slurry speech). I hope he proposes to his new gf after a month and they both get drunk and fly to Vegas and get married and they have to go through a miserable divorce!
I'm in a meanie kind of mood right now but I seriously hope they both crash and burn!
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I'm just wondering tonight, wtf did I love about this guy? Seriously? He's hanging out with a girl who has the maturity and IQ of a 5 yr old. He's probably lying to her and leading her on - he did that before. Told her they'd move in together and all this cr*p. Then decided 2 months later he wanted me back instead. He is really messed up.
The girl, she is SO dumb. We were myspace friends for a while because when my ex went back to me, he lied to me about hanging out w her behind my back. I had her email address from the "To" line of one of those broadcast emails he sent out, so I had sent her an email to find out the truth.
She admitted they had hung out behind my back when he and I were having an argument. A month after tha,t I broke up with him for doing cocaine which he knew was my dealbreaker, and he went running to her the next day.
I mean, can you believe this jerkwad? Constantly going back and forth btwn the 2 of us like a freakin tennis ball. Like we're interchangeable or something. I stupidly took him back after he did this before. So, anyway, when I emailed her, we both complained about what a jerk and a liar he is. I friended her on myspace at her request (I figure now, she just wanted to spy on me and see if I was back with HIM.)
Her myspace was full of pics of her doing bong hits and drinking like crazy, and her friends all made 420 references. Her comments on her photos and other people's profiles, looked like the comments a 10 yr old would make.
Even after he lied to her and she knew he had, and he tossed her and went back to ME, she was still texting him, playing her stupid little games. Well she wanted him back, now she GOT HIM.
Now she can deal with his temper tantrums and him smelling like booze in the morning. She can deal with her phone getting smashed, fights in bars, holes in walls, and suicide threats. And him constantly complaining about pretty much everything.
Bleck.
The girl, she is SO dumb. We were myspace friends for a while because when my ex went back to me, he lied to me about hanging out w her behind my back. I had her email address from the "To" line of one of those broadcast emails he sent out, so I had sent her an email to find out the truth.
She admitted they had hung out behind my back when he and I were having an argument. A month after tha,t I broke up with him for doing cocaine which he knew was my dealbreaker, and he went running to her the next day.
I mean, can you believe this jerkwad? Constantly going back and forth btwn the 2 of us like a freakin tennis ball. Like we're interchangeable or something. I stupidly took him back after he did this before. So, anyway, when I emailed her, we both complained about what a jerk and a liar he is. I friended her on myspace at her request (I figure now, she just wanted to spy on me and see if I was back with HIM.)
Her myspace was full of pics of her doing bong hits and drinking like crazy, and her friends all made 420 references. Her comments on her photos and other people's profiles, looked like the comments a 10 yr old would make.
Even after he lied to her and she knew he had, and he tossed her and went back to ME, she was still texting him, playing her stupid little games. Well she wanted him back, now she GOT HIM.
Now she can deal with his temper tantrums and him smelling like booze in the morning. She can deal with her phone getting smashed, fights in bars, holes in walls, and suicide threats. And him constantly complaining about pretty much everything.
Bleck.
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I mean, addicts attract addicts. He can drink as much as he wants and she can smoke as much as he wants and they both stay out of each others way. But, you can't base a relationship just on drinking and smoking together. They will eventually argue about other things and just plain old self destruct. Its hard enough to make a relationship work with an addict and a normal person. Can you imagine the drama with two effed up people in a room together?? What a mess. It won't work in the long run. My ex's new gf has "boozehounds" and "I like to get drunk" as her interests on FB. Classy.
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Yeah-that's the thing-all the people my ex have hung out with, besides MY friends, are all serious losers.
I mean, the EXACT same kind of people as your ex's gf. They post on FB about getting drunk and doing stupid cr*p. How dumb is that? even if you are a total alcoholic who blacks out on the weekends...do you REALLY wanna advertise that on facebook? To future employers, your family, and the entire freakin' world?? SO DUMB.
I mean, the EXACT same kind of people as your ex's gf. They post on FB about getting drunk and doing stupid cr*p. How dumb is that? even if you are a total alcoholic who blacks out on the weekends...do you REALLY wanna advertise that on facebook? To future employers, your family, and the entire freakin' world?? SO DUMB.
Originally Posted by duqld1717
I mean, addicts attract addicts. He can drink as much as he wants and she can smoke as much as he wants and they both stay out of each others way. But, you can't base a relationship just on drinking and smoking together. They will eventually argue about other things and just plain old self destruct. Its hard enough to make a relationship work with an addict and a normal person. Can you imagine the drama with two effed up people in a room together?? What a mess. It won't work in the long run. My ex's new gf has "boozehounds" and "I like to get drunk" as her interests on FB. Classy.
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Originally Posted by sandrawg
A month after that I broke up with him for doing cocaine which he knew was my dealbreaker, and he went running to her the next day.
...
Her myspace was full of pics of her doing bong hits and drinking like crazy, and her friends all made 420 references. Her comments on her photos and other people's profiles, looked like the comments a 10 yr old would make.
...
Her myspace was full of pics of her doing bong hits and drinking like crazy, and her friends all made 420 references. Her comments on her photos and other people's profiles, looked like the comments a 10 yr old would make.
Also I happened to meet and talk with the GF when Ex wanted us to be "friends"
I also read the GFs comments in his facebook then, and she CAN'T SPELL BASIC WORDS. First I thought she was joking. Then I read more and realized that is how she really types The only requisite he has for a partner is for her to shut up and allow his behavior, basically. Sad. I am thrilled I am no longer that doormat. Honestly, what the hell was I thinking???
I recall when we were going out one day and we waited and waited for her.. and she was riding buses in the night just to get to that house... and XABF had his car and of course he didn't offer to go look for her... he was bugged because we had to wait.. what a catch
Sheeeeeeeeeeesh but well of course this guy has nothing to do with the first one he showed. Its horrible how the person changes. Or how their act is less convincing and their true selves comes forward. Its madness.
Also I am not sure if your real name is your nickname here but my real name is sandra. I suspect we are clones!! BTW pot smokers have no short term memory so imagine how perfect for your ex, to have someone who does not remember what just happened. In any case just as they are together now, when you get stronger you will also meet people that are more like you, becoming healthier...
Try not to give them as much "air time" or you'll drive yourself crazy and I don't want any clones of mine in insanity wards.. they need to have enough room for "some people" that truly belong there
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LOL! Yes, Sandra is my real name!
As for the cocaine, yeah he USED to do cocaine...he had done a ton of drugs when he was in high school. When we were first together, I discovered he did coke at my house and I set him straight that this was a dealbreaker.
He said ok, he'd stop but then he admitted doing it again a few months later. I said, well, that's my dealbreaker, so...bye. Next day, he rushes to the ex. I am not joking it was the next day. 2 months later he tells me he realized she was a loser..she let him do coke so she really didn't care about him, meanwhile me wanting him NOt to do it, proved I cared about him.
So, I STUPIDLY took him back. I was in denial at that time that alcohol was his REAL problem. I told him the condition was, no more cocaine, D-UH, and he had to get rid of the ex.
Well, 1 month later I found out by accident, he had not gotten rid of her. DRAMA..big fights..upshot was, I contacted her to see if they'd hung out behind my back before I broke up with him and she said yes, they had.
She and I bonded over how much of a lying jerk he was. He sweet talkd me to get me back, oh and he also talked SO MUCH SMACK about this ex. I have IM conversations where he rips on her.
We became myspace friends, which is how I found out how immature and stupid she is. Oh, and you should see her Foursquare. She calls his place a bunch of different names like "Gymmy gym" and "parky park park", like a 3 yr old. Even his sister told me, she has the mentality of a 5 yr old. His mom even said, "god forbid he should end up with someone like her."
It's as if he doesn't respect her or even really like her. Either that, or he lied to me to make me more comfortable. I think he knows how lame she is, so he's always minimizing their rel'ship. He quite possibly tells her one thing and would tell me another. When we got back together back then, SHE told me, he'd been trying to get her to move to his city and promised they'd move in together. When I asked him about that, he denied it. He said "she's got more stories than Grimm's got fairy tales."
They were both accusing each other of lying. How screwy is that.
So obviously, it's shady that they got back together. Both of them have talked smack about each other to me. Both accused the other of lying. What a healthy rel'ship, eh?
Yeah, I am glad I'm not hanging out with any of these losers I know my ex is hanging out with. He's just sinking lower and lower, and this is all symptomatic of that.
As for the cocaine, yeah he USED to do cocaine...he had done a ton of drugs when he was in high school. When we were first together, I discovered he did coke at my house and I set him straight that this was a dealbreaker.
He said ok, he'd stop but then he admitted doing it again a few months later. I said, well, that's my dealbreaker, so...bye. Next day, he rushes to the ex. I am not joking it was the next day. 2 months later he tells me he realized she was a loser..she let him do coke so she really didn't care about him, meanwhile me wanting him NOt to do it, proved I cared about him.
So, I STUPIDLY took him back. I was in denial at that time that alcohol was his REAL problem. I told him the condition was, no more cocaine, D-UH, and he had to get rid of the ex.
Well, 1 month later I found out by accident, he had not gotten rid of her. DRAMA..big fights..upshot was, I contacted her to see if they'd hung out behind my back before I broke up with him and she said yes, they had.
She and I bonded over how much of a lying jerk he was. He sweet talkd me to get me back, oh and he also talked SO MUCH SMACK about this ex. I have IM conversations where he rips on her.
We became myspace friends, which is how I found out how immature and stupid she is. Oh, and you should see her Foursquare. She calls his place a bunch of different names like "Gymmy gym" and "parky park park", like a 3 yr old. Even his sister told me, she has the mentality of a 5 yr old. His mom even said, "god forbid he should end up with someone like her."
It's as if he doesn't respect her or even really like her. Either that, or he lied to me to make me more comfortable. I think he knows how lame she is, so he's always minimizing their rel'ship. He quite possibly tells her one thing and would tell me another. When we got back together back then, SHE told me, he'd been trying to get her to move to his city and promised they'd move in together. When I asked him about that, he denied it. He said "she's got more stories than Grimm's got fairy tales."
They were both accusing each other of lying. How screwy is that.
So obviously, it's shady that they got back together. Both of them have talked smack about each other to me. Both accused the other of lying. What a healthy rel'ship, eh?
Yeah, I am glad I'm not hanging out with any of these losers I know my ex is hanging out with. He's just sinking lower and lower, and this is all symptomatic of that.
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Cocaine? so he is also a drug addict?? I am glad he is no longer around you. I know you are hurting now but really, that guy sounds like lots of trouble and dangerous.
Also I happened to meet and talk with the GF when Ex wanted us to be "friends" I also read the GFs comments in his facebook then, and she CAN'T SPELL BASIC WORDS. First I thought she was joking. Then I read more and realized that is how she really types
The only requisite he has for a partner is for her to shut up and allow his behavior, basically. Sad. I am thrilled I am no longer that doormat. Honestly, what the hell was I thinking???
I recall when we were going out one day and we waited and waited for her.. and she was riding buses in the night just to get to that house... and XABF had his car and of course he didn't offer to go look for her... he was bugged because we had to wait.. what a catch
Sheeeeeeeeeeesh but well of course this guy has nothing to do with the first one he showed. Its horrible how the person changes. Or how their act is less convincing and their true selves comes forward. Its madness.
Also I am not sure if your real name is your nickname here but my real name is sandra. I suspect we are clones!! BTW pot smokers have no short term memory so imagine how perfect for your ex, to have someone who does not remember what just happened. In any case just as they are together now, when you get stronger you will also meet people that are more like you, becoming healthier...
Try not to give them as much "air time" or you'll drive yourself crazy and I don't want any clones of mine in insanity wards.. they need to have enough room for "some people" that truly belong there
Also I happened to meet and talk with the GF when Ex wanted us to be "friends"
I also read the GFs comments in his facebook then, and she CAN'T SPELL BASIC WORDS. First I thought she was joking. Then I read more and realized that is how she really types The only requisite he has for a partner is for her to shut up and allow his behavior, basically. Sad. I am thrilled I am no longer that doormat. Honestly, what the hell was I thinking???
I recall when we were going out one day and we waited and waited for her.. and she was riding buses in the night just to get to that house... and XABF had his car and of course he didn't offer to go look for her... he was bugged because we had to wait.. what a catch
Sheeeeeeeeeeesh but well of course this guy has nothing to do with the first one he showed. Its horrible how the person changes. Or how their act is less convincing and their true selves comes forward. Its madness.
Also I am not sure if your real name is your nickname here but my real name is sandra. I suspect we are clones!! BTW pot smokers have no short term memory so imagine how perfect for your ex, to have someone who does not remember what just happened. In any case just as they are together now, when you get stronger you will also meet people that are more like you, becoming healthier...
Try not to give them as much "air time" or you'll drive yourself crazy and I don't want any clones of mine in insanity wards.. they need to have enough room for "some people" that truly belong there
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Originally Posted by sandrawg
SHE told me, he'd been trying to get her to move to his city
Hey I am not sure where that Dependency information comes from, I think its from a book , in the "spirituality" area.. some phrases sound "new age"... ah, I could recite all that chapter by memory at this point... did your read the part where it says they are like vampires stealing all the victims' energy?
So we are clones, I am afraid if we meet up IRL we will both dissapear or something?? hahaha
I am glad you are venting here in SR and moving forward, sharing is a huge step. Indifference, indifference will be The Ultimate Prize.
PS Imagine if you had had any kids with the guy, your baby could have suffered a lifelong disease or born ill. Something to be grateful about.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Carrying a resentment is like putting a pebble in my shoe. The longer I walk around with it, the more pain it causes, and the only one it affects is me. I cannot walk tall and strong with pebbles in my shoe.
Courage to Change, October 15th, pg 289
"When I am consumed with anger over another person's behavior, I have lost my focus. I needn't tolerate what i consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation... by truly letting go, I detach and forgive."
"Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone's neck, I am really only choking myself."
I know how hard it is to let go of someone who has hurt you, and how hard it is to get them out of your mind, what they are doing, and what they did in the past. I have also learned that renting space in my head to someone that causes me pain just jeopardizes my serenity.
Just something to think about. Hugs to all of you
Courage to Change, October 15th, pg 289
"When I am consumed with anger over another person's behavior, I have lost my focus. I needn't tolerate what i consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation... by truly letting go, I detach and forgive."
"Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone's neck, I am really only choking myself."
I know how hard it is to let go of someone who has hurt you, and how hard it is to get them out of your mind, what they are doing, and what they did in the past. I have also learned that renting space in my head to someone that causes me pain just jeopardizes my serenity.
Just something to think about. Hugs to all of you
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