New Here...Dealing with Relapse...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
New Here...Dealing with Relapse...
A bit of a background since I am new and this is my first post, I have been married almost 3 years to my AH, we have a 13 month old, AH went to inpatient and did intensive outpatient and was sober for 58 days. He relapsed this week. I am just so lost and so confused. I have learned not to make empty threats so I just don't make them at all anymore. I know that I cannot stay and continue in this lifestyle with him if he cannot pull out of this. I have gone to several al-anon meetings but I have slacked off and I know I need to go back. He is still going to meetings and has continuing care once a week and he admits he screwed up and it was so stupid and he was so upset because he had done so good for so long. I guess my real worry is that this is the end and he will never ever be sober after this...I know that is not always true but I can't get past that thought. I am hoping for some support and possible success stories proving this does not have to be the end. Thanks in advance.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi kaydoggy and 
to SR. I'm glad you found us. There's a whole bunch of awesome support here.
If you've been to Al-Anon, then you know that
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CURE it
You can't CONTROL it
It seems you're already somewhat there, but let me gently remind you that whether or not your AH takes a nose dive into a bottle doesn't have to mean "the end" *for you*. You can decide what you will and will not tolerate in your life, and act upon the boundaries you have set for yourself. You have a 13 month old baby; I'm assuming that you don't have much time or energy left to parent your partner too.
As the former partner of an abusive alcoholic and drug user, and a mama to a now busy toddler, I can totally sympathize with you. After 5-6 years of living with my partner's active alcoholism and total denial, I simply could not do it any longer. I left when my daughter was 15 months old and I didn't look back. My XAH (ex alcoholic husband) is still out there, somewhere, drinking...but it doesn't affect my life any longer.
I hope you stick around SR and read and post as much as you need. This is a great place to find support (and off colour humour too).
to SR. I'm glad you found us. There's a whole bunch of awesome support here. If you've been to Al-Anon, then you know that
You didn't CAUSE it
You can't CURE it
You can't CONTROL it
It seems you're already somewhat there, but let me gently remind you that whether or not your AH takes a nose dive into a bottle doesn't have to mean "the end" *for you*. You can decide what you will and will not tolerate in your life, and act upon the boundaries you have set for yourself. You have a 13 month old baby; I'm assuming that you don't have much time or energy left to parent your partner too.
As the former partner of an abusive alcoholic and drug user, and a mama to a now busy toddler, I can totally sympathize with you. After 5-6 years of living with my partner's active alcoholism and total denial, I simply could not do it any longer. I left when my daughter was 15 months old and I didn't look back. My XAH (ex alcoholic husband) is still out there, somewhere, drinking...but it doesn't affect my life any longer.
I hope you stick around SR and read and post as much as you need. This is a great place to find support (and off colour humour too).
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I see why it has freaked you out.But it seems like he is back on the ol perverbial "recovery horse"..after having a slip.I was told by my daughters IOP counselor that there is a difference between a relapse/slip and a RELAPSE.it is very common in early recovery as Anvilhead said.My RAD slipped at about 30 days.realized "I don't want this life' and has 7 mo. sober this weekend.Now alot of "feelings" are coming up for her..Recovery is a really long process it has its ups and downs.Alanon has GREATLY helped me deal with all of it..I now TRY to keep my eyes on my own recovery.If it's a RELAPSE, not a relapse you will know very soon, and can take action when it becomes evident.For now, he sounds like he is still working a program...I try not to "future trip" or catastrophize because it only hurts ME..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
As an alcoholic I can tell you that slips in early recovery are common and this doesn't necessarily mean he won't become a sober person. I wouldn't urge anyone to stay in a bad situation but you have no way of knowing if he will or won't stay sober. Frequently they teach us valuable lessons. Those who didn't have a sponsor get one. Didn't go to enough meetings? That changes.
None of us know what tomorrow will bring and that's why we say we are only sober today. I've been sober almost 20 years and would never say "I'll never drink again." How do I know that? The only important thing is that today I'm not picking up a drink.
None of us know what tomorrow will bring and that's why we say we are only sober today. I've been sober almost 20 years and would never say "I'll never drink again." How do I know that? The only important thing is that today I'm not picking up a drink.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I never had another drink once I made the commitment to get sober (over two and a half years), nor did my first husband (sober 31 years). But it seems as if most of the people I know who have been sober for a very long time (double-digit years) had slips when they were starting out.
Obviously, everyone would hope for the first attempt at recovery to "take" right away, but sometimes it's just a matter of getting it right.
Hopefully this was just one of those experiences that will be part of a successful recovery story.
Welcome, glad you found us.
Obviously, everyone would hope for the first attempt at recovery to "take" right away, but sometimes it's just a matter of getting it right.
Hopefully this was just one of those experiences that will be part of a successful recovery story.
Welcome, glad you found us.
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