Find this Strange
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
You know what I think would hurt me the most about that?
That it would show me that whatever illusions I had about what a separation could accomplish, or about how we could fix this if we both committed ourselves to working hard together -- they would clearly be just that, illusions.
I think the fact that he doesn't seem interested in the two of you as much as he is in himself is incredibly hurtful regardless of how close to a separation you are.
That it would show me that whatever illusions I had about what a separation could accomplish, or about how we could fix this if we both committed ourselves to working hard together -- they would clearly be just that, illusions.
I think the fact that he doesn't seem interested in the two of you as much as he is in himself is incredibly hurtful regardless of how close to a separation you are.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Del Rio, TX
Posts: 380
Just remember you can't control a darn thing about him. He does what he wants to do on his terms.
It is clear he is not concerned about you. He will find another. He simply MUST have someone. These people talk about how together and independent they are. But that is just their inner duck talking.
go have a nice dinner at your favorite place. Charge it. And know he'll be paying for half of that dinner, plus interest very soon.
If we didn't care about them, they wouldn't be able to hurt us or put us on the darn roller coaster in the first place. If we were half as self centered as they are we would never let the crazy sheet they do bother us.
In the end, we are who we are. You are not alone, nor crazy.
It is clear he is not concerned about you. He will find another. He simply MUST have someone. These people talk about how together and independent they are. But that is just their inner duck talking.
go have a nice dinner at your favorite place. Charge it. And know he'll be paying for half of that dinner, plus interest very soon.
If we didn't care about them, they wouldn't be able to hurt us or put us on the darn roller coaster in the first place. If we were half as self centered as they are we would never let the crazy sheet they do bother us.
In the end, we are who we are. You are not alone, nor crazy.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
((((JRG))))
I completely understand that 'punch in the gut' feeling.....I was still living with and married to my xH when he confessed he was having an affair. It completely broke my heart.
Since the divorce, my day-to-day thoughts rarely turn to my x, and I've been happily re-married for about 1.5 years. About 8 or 9 years after the divorce was final, I found out he was getting married again. It still hit me pretty hard, even though I certainly didn't want to be part of his life again. I'm not sure why I felt that way, but I think it's just natural, human emotion.
Maybe just acknowledge the feeling, and then find a way to let it pass on.......
Hugs, HG
I completely understand that 'punch in the gut' feeling.....I was still living with and married to my xH when he confessed he was having an affair. It completely broke my heart.
Since the divorce, my day-to-day thoughts rarely turn to my x, and I've been happily re-married for about 1.5 years. About 8 or 9 years after the divorce was final, I found out he was getting married again. It still hit me pretty hard, even though I certainly didn't want to be part of his life again. I'm not sure why I felt that way, but I think it's just natural, human emotion.
Maybe just acknowledge the feeling, and then find a way to let it pass on.......
Hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
I'm sorry he is doing this, JACKRUSSELLGIRL.
My ex was on dating sites within seconds of me leaving it seemed, if not before. It felt like a punch to the stomach, not because I thought that I had any "claim" over him or anything, but because it was confirmation that I was nothing more than an object to him. Replacable and generic. I did end up having some contact with his next fiancee a few years later and discovered that he did exactly the same things with her, to her and for her. I was right.
I was left with a huge "what the hell was all that energy and anguish for?" feeling. The only way I could deal with it was to see the whole experience as a very valuable life lesson. One I wish I'd never had to learn, but there you go. Any other way of looking at it would have driven me insane.
I hope you can find a way through this and get some peace.
My ex was on dating sites within seconds of me leaving it seemed, if not before. It felt like a punch to the stomach, not because I thought that I had any "claim" over him or anything, but because it was confirmation that I was nothing more than an object to him. Replacable and generic. I did end up having some contact with his next fiancee a few years later and discovered that he did exactly the same things with her, to her and for her. I was right.
I was left with a huge "what the hell was all that energy and anguish for?" feeling. The only way I could deal with it was to see the whole experience as a very valuable life lesson. One I wish I'd never had to learn, but there you go. Any other way of looking at it would have driven me insane.
I hope you can find a way through this and get some peace.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
I went through a similar experience but I took the bull by the horns and called the number on the cell phone. I was right he had been cheating for a lot longer than I thought. She never knew about me so she says and I kinda believe her?
IMO I would rather know the truth than feel like someone is playing me for a chump.
IMO I would rather know the truth than feel like someone is playing me for a chump.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
I am working on that move my friend Cyranoak! House on market, do you want to buy it so I can move now?? It is a nice 3 bedroom and includes an A for FREE!! Come on, how can you pass up that deal?? I have been checking out some cute ranches and hoping my HP comes though for me any day now!!
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by JACKRUSSELLGIRL 
It is a nice 3 bedroom and includes an A for FREE!! Come on, how can you pass up that deal??
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
P.s. For the love of God what is it going to take to get you to move now? God's honest truth, do you really have no choice but to stay? If so, there you have it-- it is what it is. If not, what the heck?
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