Lola1024

Hi Everyone,

It's been quite awhile since I have posted and read much on the forum. I must say I have missed you all. The wisdom never stops here. The last few months have been a very difficult journey. I have gained a small bit of peace again after mom's death last October. Been to therapy, took an anxiety class and have been working hard on ME.

Had not heard for xabf since last October either. Then a couple of weeks ago the phone rang. UGHHH. He left a message begging me to call him. "Needed someone to talk to". Translation : needed money, a place to stay or needed my codie ways to fix something. I did not return the call. I did not return the other 6 calls he has made w/out leaving additional messages. It would not surprise me one little bit if he popped up on my doorstep. I have made plans of actions I can take if that happens. I sleep with pepper spray on the nightstand and have let friends know at work he is lurking again. Most likely he will fade away again - his mental state though has decayed so much in the last year I can't say for sure what he might do. I am watchful. I also really REACTED more than I wanted to. But safety first I guess. I have thought about changing my numbers but really can't change the work cell and office number. Also, quite frankly I don't want to change my home cell - what a hassle. I guess it might have to happen though if the calls continue.

Amazing how quickly these calls triggered a whole lot of garbage that I had not dealt with in months. Just like it was yesterday. Don't think I dealt with my emotions because I was so overwhelmed losing mom nothing else mattered. Now I will must deal with it again if nothing else but to LET IT GO. I can't help him anymore - not emotionally, financially or any other way.

Hugs to All,
Laura

Cat123

Is it possible to block his number?

Lola1024

I checked in to blocking - unfortunately my personal cell carrier doesn't offer this. Didn't bother to check for work cell.

What I really need to block is the FEAR that this has brought back. I feel like some dormant virus came back. I don't trust him and I am not sure I trust myself. What if that sympathy comes back within me ? It is so darn easy to slip backwards... if I thought my emotional self was more responsible maybe the phone calls would not bug me so much. It is like an invitation to the dance... I know it is toxic but deep down somewhere there is a part of me as yet unhealed that could be sucked back in.

SR is helping keep my strength up - I need to remember what the reality is. Everyone's stories help with that.

Laura

BobbyJ

ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC, WHO LIKES TO TALK ON THE PHONE???

Im thinking: That should be one of the questions, along with your
credit report when you go sign up to get a cell phone....

My drunk dialing husband didnt like my idea.....

Searching81

You havent answered his calls. THAT is awesome. Good job. I am sorry he has caused you fear but impressed that you have the strength to know how bad he is for you.

I want to be that way someday.

StarCat

If you cannot block his number, perhaps you could at least set a personal ringtone for his number?
My cell phone has an option, "No Ring." This means that while it's not blocking the call, the phone won't ring when they call, meaning I don't feel the need to answer it, but it does keep a record of missed calls from the person. I have used this option before.
I am not sure if it prevents the phone from vibrating when it's on "vibrate" mode.

kittykitty

Glad you're being careful, and proud of you for not answering. I know how those messages can cut right into me, triggering the reactions of fear and anxiety, wondering if the next step is a knock at the door. I hope I never have to deal with that again.

Well done!

japabp2000

Well done for not answering his call's. It's a bummer that you can't block his number. How about a restraining order? I don't know what you have to do, but it would be worth a shot. If you know where he lives then an officer will take it to him. I'm sorry he is "haunting" you. Stick to your guns...keep on taking care of you and keep posting.
Hugs!! Aimee

Lola1024

Thank you all for your support. Only time will tell to see if he escalates or just goes away again. I am at a more peaceful place with it today. I have told him NO I will not help/enable you anymore. My silence just enforces that which has already been stated. I considered repeating it but I don't need to repeat words I have already said just because he chooses not to hear them.

I wish him the best - my being a crutch to him isn't going to help him get anywhere except sicker.

And yes, if it gets worse I will go the restraining order route.


=

Hugs!
Laura