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Old 04-10-2011, 08:14 AM
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Wwyd

Before he checked into rehab, he gave a cell phone to his dad. He isn't allowed to have one there.

Last night my phone rings and it was him. Teary, telling me he missed me and wanted to hear my voice. It was from his cell number. I talked to him for a couple of minutes. I didn't want to upset him, but reminded him that he wasn't supposed to have the phone. I asked if he had a charger, and he said no.

I checked the AT&T log. I am the only person he called last night. It has not been used at all today. No data or internet has been used.

Should I

1. Report him to the rehab center
2. Go to AT&T and have the phone turned off
3. Wait for the battery to die, which is inevidable anyway
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:24 AM
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I would say 4. Ignore it. He is not supposed to have there, so he is caught, he will have to face the consequences. He is making the bed, let him sleep in it (or whatever that saying is ... Ha!).

Many many hugs to you. Not a fun position to be in.
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:30 AM
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Thanks both for your awesome answer guys and your reminder to me.

It is a rainy day here, Yesterday I had such great help of an awesome neighbor to help me with my daughter while we dealt with chaos. She has 3 boys, and I am going to take the older 2 and my daughter to the skate rink so she can have a little downtime.

And if the phone rings again, I am not going to answer.
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:43 AM
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Have fun with the kids! You deserve some downtime, too. Also, just something to think about. During all that has led up to this, you have had little or no control. Now that he is in rehab, you have total control over how much, if at all, you talk to him. Please realize that there is a good chance that he is going to be depressive and do a lot of quacking, attempting to make you feel sorry for him, or guilty, or whatever. You do not have to take any calls from him at all. You can also end the conversation at any time. He is a grown man and is in the right place at this time. Don't worry about "hurting his feelings" or "being mean" if you feel the need to avoid his calls or end one abruptly. This is the time where you DO have control.
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:22 AM
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Oh Suki is so right..I thought my loved one would not be so crazy once they got to rehab but quackityquack was I wrong!He now has no buffer for his pain and is distressed by the detox..they don't want you to have a phone for a reason..he's there to work on his sobriety.Period.Not your relationship, or even being a DAd.That comes later..sobriety is the number one thing..without it, everything else falls apart.Can't tell you how many times I was told that till it really sunk in.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by XXXXXXXXXX View Post
Thanks both for your awesome answer guys and your reminder to me.

It is a rainy day here, Yesterday I had such great help of an awesome neighbor to help me with my daughter while we dealt with chaos. She has 3 boys, and I am going to take the older 2 and my daughter to the skate rink so she can have a little downtime.

And if the phone rings again, I am not going to answer.
Great! Definitely take a few deep breaths and soak up the peace of knowing that you can now devote your energy to you and your kids, and that AH is doing what he needs to do--without you. So enjoy!
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Old 04-10-2011, 03:55 PM
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I wouldn't say anything. He is making the choice and will face the consequences.

You aren't there to help rehab do their job. They have lots of experience with folks trying to keep their phone and I'm sure they will handle it the right way.

Learning to abide by rules (even if they resist at first) is part of the process of recovery. It is as much a test to him as it is a breaking of their protocol.

What will be will be
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:39 PM
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When XABF went to rehab, they confiscated his cell phone, as well.
There was a pay phone the patients could use, with a limit of 10 minutes a day. It cost 10 cents per minute.
He spent $20 in the first four hours at rehab, plus kept sweet-talking the nurses at the front desk into allowing him to use the phone at the front desk. He spent it all calling me. It was awful... Until I learned that I didn't have to answer, and I could even turn my phone off so it wouldn't even right. (At the time, he was the only person who really ever called me.) What a novel idea. Why didn't I think of that?

Alcoholics are resourceful. They're very good at getting what they want, much of the time.
Rehabs are trained to deal with alcoholics. He may get away with it now, but they'll find it soon enough.
In the meantime, you absolutely don't have to answer.

In XABF's case, his calling constantly, I feel, detracted completely from his rehab experience. He was so fixated on calling me all the time, he didn't really concentrate on the things he was supposed to do. In the meantime, I felt controlled and used, and again, this is while he was in rehab.

Don't do anything, but no need to answer, either.
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Old 04-11-2011, 10:42 PM
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My RABF was calling from his cell (not allowed) and it was a huge risk.

I think he got caught because I haven't gotten a call in 2 months and he hates writing letters. Oh well!

He also can't call 'ladies' from the payphone, only family. It is about focusing and not avoiding what they are there for. Seems like, from this thread, that trying to hold onto the outside world any way they can is common.

This is helpful to know.
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Old 04-11-2011, 10:58 PM
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I wouldn't do anything either. I would ignore his call and not tell on him for having the phone..he will likely get caught with it, or like you said, the phone battery will die. Every time my AH went to rehab before (4 times..maybe 3. You know how cloudy your brain gets from all the other drama) he took his phone even when I told him not to. Well, now that AH is really wanting help this time, he told me he is NOT going to take his phone so he won't be tempted to call me. That right there shows me (I may be wrong) that he is ready. All he is waiting on is for the benzo's to be out of his system..however long that is. Just focus on you and your well being..and enjoy it! Blessings and Hugs!!
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