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Boundaries for Dry Drunk?

Old 04-07-2011, 08:26 PM
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Boundaries for Dry Drunk?

I married a man in recovery almost 3 years ago. About two years ago, he started slipping into a dry drunk - manipulative, lying, insulting, unpredictable moods....the whole gamut. It's been difficult.

I've detached from getting into fights with him and try to ignore him when he gets out of hand. (I try to leave but sometimes I can't because I don't want one of my kids coming home alone to him.) With my kids he goes from being "great step-dad" to a real loser to them. I stand up for the kids and make my feelings clear - he has to have perfection in them and because they are not perfect, he sees them as lazy.....I told him a few months ago that I didn't want him calling them names - it was unacceptable.

He was sweet as pie for awhile. Last week, he got mad at them and said "I'm not allowed to call you lazy but that's what you are." AHHHGGGGG

I am always anxious when he is around...we used to have a great relationship. I've lost hope that he will change. Has anyone had success with a dry drunk changing their behavior? What kind of boundaries did you use? What else worked?

I'm torn - I've had it. I am deeply religious and wonder if I am a sinner for wanting out....
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Old 04-07-2011, 08:51 PM
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I don't think you're a sinner for wanting a better life for yourself and your children
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:00 PM
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You are anxious. He is a loser to your kids...and one good year out of three years of marriage. I am one to believe that a negative drunk..once sober ..is a sober negative person. A mean drunk..is a sober mean person. You get the idea. You deserve a happy life. You could give counceling a shot and get some help. But whatever the outcome..naw..you are not a sinner.
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:11 PM
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Its not a sin to protect yourself and your kids. IMO its more of a sin to put up with it and to subject your kids to such evil. This guy has problems and needs help, and its not your job to fix him even if you could, which you can't.

Whatever you choose to do stay in touch w/SR they have walked many through some pretty rough times.
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