LaTeeDa

I had an epiphany today. Things have not been going well at work and some threads here have brought back the pain of the past for me. For a few days, I've been feeling rather down and discouraged.


Then, as I was leaving work, something occurred to me. My life is so much richer now than it was before. I see so many people around me who are just skimming along on the surface, and I realized that without all the suffering in my life, I would be, too.


My life has so much more meaning now than it ever did. I have been exposed to so many things that before were only “out there” in my peripheral vision. The Tao de Ching, the principles of Buhddism, the writings of Eckhart Tolle, Joseph Campbell, Thomas Moore. The idea of acceptance and living in the present moment. The experience of psychotherapy. And so much more. All these things were “concepts” I was familiar with, but not really part of my life. Because of the pain of being married to and living with an alcoholic, I was driven to ask questions, and seek answers.


If I had gotten what I wanted—the happy family, the picket fence, the fairy tale—I would never have delved deeper into the real meaning of life. I might never have picked up photography as a passion. I might never have bought an RV and began planning my retirement as a vagabond. I might never have realized that life is short. I might never have seen through the facade of the “American Dream” as it stands today, in shambles.


So, I realize that as painful and difficult as it was, it's all been worth it. Life is not just better than it was before, it's infinitely richer and deeper and more meaningful.


For those of you still struggling with the pain and agony of letting go, I hope this post will comfort you. For those who know what I mean already, I hope this is a reminder to keep gratitude at the forefront in your daily lives.


L

GettingBy

Beautiful LaTeeDa!

I look back on the dark moments in my past, and I'm grateful for each and every one of them. They sucked and hurt when was in them, but I learned and a grew... And from each and every one was born some amazing blessings.

I am still in the middle of a dark moment... It hurts, it's pushing me out of my comfort zone... And that's a good thing. I know there will be tremendous growth and awareness from this experience. This too shall pass.

I think it's so important to have an attitude of gratitude... Otherwise we get swept up in the chaos. Thats where I was yesterday, and it hurts me. Today... Focus on me, and my gratitude... And hope returns

Tuffgirl

I was so mad when I got home from my meeting last night that I began my daily letter to the RAH (really to me) that was one entire paragraph about what I was mad at.The next paragraph I began with what I was grateful for. It was several paragraphs and by the end, I felt so much better! Always easier to focus on what's right than what's wrong, and affords a good nights sleep getting all that stuff purged out of my head.

Thanks for your heartfelt post. My life is certainly richer now that it has ever been. Deeper, more thoughtful, more in touch with energy and intuition. The more I pay attention to what's below the surface, I find I am always spot on with my impressions.

Babyblue

What doesn't kill us, does make us stronger.

One of my coworkers has been through some real tragedies in her life, and pain, as have I.

Her and I are always chatty and laughing while the rest grumble and complain.

I always tell others to appreciate the peace and harmony they do have in their lives and that not take it for granted. I relish calm.

kittykitty

I am a big fan of the idea that everything I have been through has made me the person I am today. And even though I still have issues, I know i'm on the road to being one of the healthiest and happiest people I know. Shoot, I'm already healthier and happier than the majority of people I know!

Some of my favorites:

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” ~Kenji Miyazawa


“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” ~Robert Gary Lee

Verbena

Thanks. Today was hell day.

Baby Blue is right, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And smarter if we pay attention.

Jazzman

I'm spending my retirement in a double wide in Key Largo filling tanks for a dive operator. Stop by when you're in the south.

Linkmeister

Baby Blue is so right - "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

I realized just how strong I was to finally walk away from chaos, something I could not have done even six months ago. When I woke up this morning I realized I'm still here, a little bruised (Metaphorically speaking), but very grateful for who and what I have in my life.

Here's "my Status Shuffle" update on my FB page: "It's better to be happy and be yourself than to lie to yourself, please somebody else and be unhappy the rest of your life..."

nodaybut2day

Your post reminds me of the concept of "necessary evil" that I came across while studying Judaism in Toronto a decade ago. Back then, I didn't quite relate to the concept, but after being married to XAH, I understand it in a very different way. There were some painful experiences that *needed* to happen for me to open my eyes and grow to the person I am today. Though I don't label XAH as "evil" as much as he was "crazy", but the suffering I went through with him was indeed "necessary" for me.

Knowing this, I won't be surprised when tougher times arise in the years to come because I've come to understand that the process will lead me...somewhere new!

Buffalo66

Humans are rich with emotion.

I often feel that my life has been one of great charm and good graces, and am sometimes reminded that I had a kind of rough time, since childhood, even.

But I guess I view it all as richness, not so much getting stuck in toxicity, but the potent power that comes when I can get through that, transmute that.

Forgiveness is a big word that came up when I read your post.

Self forgiveness, and gratitude for the opportunity to gain understanding through trials.

Thanks la tee dah

StarCat

LaTeeDa - I agree completely!

I would not wish the specifics on anyone.
That said, I learned so much, I'm so much stronger, and there's so many resources available for making myself the person I want to be.
I do not regret where I have been in life.

That said, I am glad I'm done with that part.

Thumper

Thank you for the post and thread.

I do remind myself of my 'gratitude's' all the time. I have many. I'm grateful for the blessings in my life. I do struggle with being grateful for the suffering. I'm no longer resentful of it at least .

I struggle with the 'attitude of gratitude' and how to find the joy. How to live my life within the gratitude, not on the outside looking in, if that makes sense.

More recovery needed. It is so great to hear from people already there.

LaTeeDa

Don't be too jealous--yet. It's still in the planning/dreaming stage. My youngest is just finishing up his freshman year in high school, so it will be at least 3 years before I can hit the road.

We do get to practice a few times a year, though.

L

Shellcrusher

Well said.

I refer to this as being pessimistically optimistic.

FormerDoormat

Author Thich Nhat Hanh says, "Out of the garbage grows flowers." At fifty-one years old, I feel like I'm in the springtime of my life, and my garden is overflowing with flowers.

I, too, am grateful for the suffering and for the earthly angel named Richard who led me down a path of enlightenment.