What the...!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
He said he cant handle my "instability", and that I am too too negative for him.
When my AH takes my inventory, I have to work really hard to not take the bait. Don't get into the tit-for-tat because no one can win. I try to respond with, "you may be right". And leave it at that.
Simple, but it's not easy.
Keep having fun and taking care of you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by GettingBy
I got a big pile of that tonight too. That's part of the blame game. Its unhealthy. I blame AH for our problems, he goes on the defense and turns and blames me. We sling poo back and forth at each other - neither taking responsibility... And nothing gets better. No surprise there.
When my AH takes my inventory, I have to work really hard to not take the bait. Don't get into the tit-for-tat because no one can win. I try to respond with, "you may be right". And leave it at that.
Simple, but it's not easy.
Keep having fun and taking care of you!
When my AH takes my inventory, I have to work really hard to not take the bait. Don't get into the tit-for-tat because no one can win. I try to respond with, "you may be right". And leave it at that.
Simple, but it's not easy.
Keep having fun and taking care of you!
Ok, ok I know its not a literal description, but boy have I been in those poo-slinging arguments before and it really began to stink!
:rotfxko
Thanks for the laughs tonight...always seems to happen when I need them the most!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
TG... I swear that is exactly the image that comes into my mind too!!!! When I "see" that, and realize that's what we're doing... I stop.
Seriously... What are we? a bunch of uncultured monkeys!?!? Sitting here flinging poo like its okay?!?!? Sick, sick, sick.
Seriously... What are we? a bunch of uncultured monkeys!?!? Sitting here flinging poo like its okay?!?!? Sick, sick, sick.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: europe
Posts: 624
Hi B66, I agree with you it is a power game, and I guess also the recipe he offten used in the past to get you where he wants you.
My STBXAH called me the other day to have a quiet talk, no arguing, so we met, he kept talking for 15 minutes about how he was always great husband to me, how I have gone crazy since I left him, how I behave irrationaly, how I look like mess (BTW I look great
), he kept saying: Look at the state you're in, do you see yourself in the mirror, you need help, and you're so stupid, or better to say you're naive, your diplomas mean ****, you're acting like a fool, and blah, blah, blah, but I love you anyways. It made me laugh, so I just got up and left.
I almost felt sorry for him. I mean, this was the best strategy he could come up with; sad.
But the good thing is I have closed that door behind me, so I didn't give the whole thing the second look until I read your post today.
Why do they do it? Projecting? Jelaousy? Fear? Inability to do better? Who knows, but more importantly who cares, you don't have to take any of it. At least I don't, not any more, and suddenly life is miracle worth living.
My STBXAH called me the other day to have a quiet talk, no arguing, so we met, he kept talking for 15 minutes about how he was always great husband to me, how I have gone crazy since I left him, how I behave irrationaly, how I look like mess (BTW I look great
), he kept saying: Look at the state you're in, do you see yourself in the mirror, you need help, and you're so stupid, or better to say you're naive, your diplomas mean ****, you're acting like a fool, and blah, blah, blah, but I love you anyways. It made me laugh, so I just got up and left.I almost felt sorry for him. I mean, this was the best strategy he could come up with; sad.
But the good thing is I have closed that door behind me, so I didn't give the whole thing the second look until I read your post today.
Why do they do it? Projecting? Jelaousy? Fear? Inability to do better? Who knows, but more importantly who cares, you don't have to take any of it. At least I don't, not any more, and suddenly life is miracle worth living.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You know, that's really when I started getting better. When I started seeing the absurdity of some of the "discussions". Imagine it with the sound off, and closed captioning. In writing, you can SEE how insane it is--it's the tone and volume, I think, that sucks us in. Try turning off the sound.
Present
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
re: slinging poo and subsequent comments - that was great! thanks!
The thing I think about Projection is that it is the insanity aspect of the disease. There is nothing I can say that will make sense, no matter how logical or true, when my AH is in a moment of disease-based insanity. Before I learned that he is an A, I occasionally wondered about MY ability to communicate, my own sanity.
Getting myself out of the way of the insanity, by leaving physically or by staying physically but leaving the conversation, led to a whole new kind of calm and detachment.
The thing I think about Projection is that it is the insanity aspect of the disease. There is nothing I can say that will make sense, no matter how logical or true, when my AH is in a moment of disease-based insanity. Before I learned that he is an A, I occasionally wondered about MY ability to communicate, my own sanity.
Getting myself out of the way of the insanity, by leaving physically or by staying physically but leaving the conversation, led to a whole new kind of calm and detachment.
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