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Sitting The Wheel Chair In The Middle Of The Freeway........

Old 03-24-2011, 09:36 AM
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Sitting The Wheel Chair In The Middle Of The Freeway........

Today, is one of those days, where I feel like Im sitting my RAH in the middle of the freeway in a wheel chair...

He might be drinking, who knows, since moved away for his recovery plan.
His recovery plan...Move, Work, Sleep & Still Living In Misery

The phone calls of: Where is my wife to support me, thought we married for better or worse?

Guilt trap and I fell into it today...

Feels like I took the sick person (handicap) and sat the wheel chair in the middle of the freeway, and I just walked away... Uggggg
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Old 03-24-2011, 09:39 AM
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Some days are hard.

Look at it this way. He can sit there in that damn chair and cry for you to come and get him and all the injustices of the world..or he can just get up and walk to the side of the road. If you walk out there he's still stuck in the chair and you'll most likely get hit by a truck in the process.

Let go or be drug. Try to lesson the contact - it helps.
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Old 03-24-2011, 10:29 AM
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:ghug3

Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
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Old 03-24-2011, 11:11 AM
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He can walk. He needs to figure that out.
But, he can walk.
You actually dont do him any favors by enabling him to be like an invalid. Like a handicapped person.

Its just guilt. That is an emotion. Name it, feel it and let it go. Let your logic come in after, and remind you what is real.
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Old 03-24-2011, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
The phone calls of: Where is my wife to support me, thought we married for better or worse?
Yeah, most of us have been there. Manipulation is just something they do, hard to find fault in that.

Where you do have a say in is how you react.
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Old 03-24-2011, 12:12 PM
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Manipulation is the name of the game.

Originally Posted by BobbyJ View Post
thought we married for better or worse?
I guess he forgot about the "to love and to cherish" part.
Do you feel cherished?

He already broke his vows, don't let him hold you to a promise he already broke.


You deserve so much better.
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Old 03-24-2011, 12:55 PM
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"honor" was in those vows somewhere too.
so was "respect"...

never did figure out what a 'troth" was though.
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Old 03-24-2011, 01:17 PM
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Let me be clear....

...he breaks his vows every single time he takes a drink. When one person breaks their vows the other person is no longer bound to them.

Also, and as many others said, he is not helpless. He can get out of the damn chair himself, or stay in it and get run over. Plus, wheelchairs roll (if you roll them).

Lastly, you did not put the chair in the middle of the freeway-- HE DID.

My opinion only.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Cyranoak

P.s. Time for an Alanon meeting.

P.p.s. Again with all due respect and my opinion only, marriage is a disease and divorce is the beginning of the cure. My wife and I have been divorced for years at this point, and our relationship is better than it's ever been. We are together now purely because we want to be, not because of a socio-political/religious concept designed to chain women to men. There was a plan to marry again down the way, but as the years go by we talk about it less and less. Plus, nobody can stop us from calling each other husband and wife. That's what we want to do so we do it. ****-off Society.
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Old 03-24-2011, 03:01 PM
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When I kicked my 19 year old heavy pot smoker out of the house i told everyone I felt like I left a baby strapped in a car seat in the middle of the road..(I think I got that from Raising Arizona!) Anyway, that was MY problem..he wasn't a baby nor helpless.Got a year and half of Alanon under my belt and no longer have such visions!btw..after a year of mooching off friends he has his own place, works, and has a ton of money saved..so much for the helpless theory..
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Old 03-24-2011, 04:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
We are together now purely because we want to be, not because of a socio-political/religious concept designed to chain women to men.
Or men to women...

Amen.


I have coworkers from India, one of them just traveled to India to get married (someone chosen by the parents). Supposedly they check their stars or charts or something? WTF. And no, they are not living together anyway, he is not bringing her and he is not going back to India either. Perhaps they only want the 2-week-long party? if so I don't blame them, I hear there's a lot of ritual, music, food, etc lol.

He seems happy.


Back to the topic... someone here said that just as we arrive to SR and to therapy and Alanon and meet people who get us, alcoholics can do exactly the same and find strength and support IF they really want it. He is not special. No one is special!
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Old 03-24-2011, 06:57 PM
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Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 View Post
:ghug3

Remember you are not his HP, and he is not helpless. If anything give him directions for AA. That's all you (or anyone) can do for him. "For better or worse" does NOT apply when there is addiction & abuse IMHO
I wholeheartedly second this! Addictions completely trump any vows we made. I have no qualms walking away from the marriage because of it - I don't care about the for better or for worse BS.
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