Game playing...

Old 03-09-2011, 08:00 AM
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Game playing...

As I said in another thread, I have moved out with our children and am temporarily at my mother's until a better long term solution gets sorted out.

Since Monday I've heard the gamut from AH (who says he is in recovery bc he is not drinking daily and isn't drinking all that much!) from blaming me, being nasty, apologizing and now most recently playing the pity party game complete with I love you's.

I got an email talking about how stressed HE is, how HE is so worried about his job bc of the arrest back in Jan etc...

I don't know that I should have replied, but I did (bc we also were sorting out who was getting our kids from school today etc..) and I said this:

"My understanding from you a few weeks ago (after a talk with hr and his boss) was that your job is safe and all they require is that you seek help. If anything is going to cause your job to be lost it will be your breaking the bail order and continuing to drink. Not the fact that you were arrested. I am really sorry you are worried right now."

I guess I just wanted him to know that I am not buying the thinking he is trying to convince himself of. He already is down the path of "if I lose my job I will blame it on something other than the real reason" and I felt the need to let him know I am not buying it for a second.

Probably no contact would be best but I reacted before I thought.

Oh, and in that same email he said that this he hopes we can still plan to take our kids on vacation together this summer...

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Old 03-09-2011, 08:04 AM
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It's amazing the things they say and do to try and suck us back in!!!

As for the comment about summer vacation - my husband will do the same thing, and I've learned the most appropriate (and conversation ending!!) response, "We'll see." Works on the kids too when they aren't happy with "No!"
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Old 03-09-2011, 08:07 AM
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Yep, now that you're out of the house, he'll be pulling out all the stops to get you to come back and play the role he's scripted for you. Expect more emails, flowers, cheesy romantic songs, and then when that doesnt work, blameshifting, anger, self-pity, and perhaps even threats. He's in "slot machine mode" where he'll try a whole bunch of random things one after the other to get you to react.

Try to remain no contact for your own sanity.
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Old 03-09-2011, 08:08 AM
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It's totally your decision, but, since you have taken steps to move out, maybe it would be best to restrict contact to issues regarding the kids. He's going to do whatever he is going to do and you really don't need a step-by-step description. Take this time to clear your head so you can look at the situation with fresh eyes.
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Old 03-09-2011, 08:16 AM
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I had hoped that being civil and trying to co-parent and still communicate would be possible but you are correct that perhaps just limiting talking to childcare necessities would be best...
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