seekingcalm

So, you know my story...alcoholic boyfriend, love of my life, twenty years after falling in love, we reconnect, divorce our respective spouses, move in together, live happily ever after...no wait, that is not how it happened.

Four months after moving in together, I move out due to drinking, lying, sneaking the drinks, pretending to embrace recovery, a mess!

Fast forward 1year plus, I live alone, and I love it. I am happier than I have ever been. He is sober and doing very well in AA. After 6 months of spotty contact, and then 6 months of no contact, we begin again. I am healthier, he is healthier, we begin to spend time together, no expectations, NOT going back there...moving forward, one day at a time. It feels good, it feels right. I have my own life, so does he, my happiness no longer dependent on his recovery, blah blah blah.

All of a sudden, he goes quiet. Going to sleep early, not taking my calls after 8pm. We don't talk everyday...works for me. I am busy. I work 2 jobs, I have a teenage daughter, I need my alone time. He leaves messages, can't sleep, in a funk, blah blah blah. This does not ruin my day, not at all. But now that he is ready to talk and share, I don't feel like making time for it.

I love him, I do, but I am just so sick of the drama, the "poor me, I am having a hard time". You know what, I am on the brink of losing the job that is my main support. Do I complain, NO. I get up every day, and I actually am in a great mood, I do my job for as long as it lasts, I am reaching out to my network, looking for possibilities. I am proud of me, and the life I have made. And I am just not in the mood for the drama, and the apologies, and the explanations.

And I feel cruel somehow, because I love him and it is hard to fight this disease, and he is trying and he loves me. But I just don't have it to give right now.

I need the support of the great folks here, and I am so grateful that you are always here, any time of the day or night. Bless you all

LexieCat

Hugs, sc,

No, you are NOT being insensitive. He can learn to work through his own funks--it's a little insensitive on HIS part to expect you to soothe him when you have so much on your own plate.

Sounds like you're in a good place, though. Keep on keepin' on!

Seren

(((seekingcalm))) You sound strong and you have certainly built a wonderful life for yourself!

I have an illness....I'm diabetic. I have to be vigilent with my self care. If not, I could die. If I don't test my blood sugar regularly, my health could suffer horribly. I have to watch what I eat, take my insulin appropriately, I even have to test my blood sugar before I drive anywhere and regularly during long car trips. If not, my blood sugar could drop without my knowing it, and I could cause an accident killing myself or others.

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but my point is, no one else has the responsibility of "making" me do all these things.....that's my job. You do not have the responsibility of making sure your ABF is vigilent in his recovery, that's his job.

It is hard on us sometimes because we believe we are being cruel, and A's will typically want us to feel guilty. Please take care of you and live the healthiest life you can. You deserve it!!!!

Hugs and prayers for you, and your BF, HG

seekingcalm

Hydrogirl, thank you so much. How amazing that you responded to my post. My 17 year old daughter became a type 1 diabetic last year and she is taking such good care of herself. No self pity, just a great attitude about life, and getting on with it.

I am so proud of her. And until just this moment, I never compared how she handles the challenges in her life with my BF and how he handles the challenges that come with being an alcoholic.

Thank you for showing me. My daughter is an inspiration. And it seems so are you.

Wishing you continued good health and happiness in your life.

Tuffgirl

Ahh - now I feel weird posting something after that wonderful response, seekingcalm.

But I will saw, as a full-time working Mom of two teenagers, my plate is full like yours. It's ok to be selfish with how you choose to spend your time. So what if its insensitive anyway? Yeesh - there are only so many hours in each day and we're busy!

But my real question boils down to personalities that make up addicts. My RAH can barely handle life's challenges. I have to slay the dragons everyday and then come home and be nurturing to surly teenagers. Yeah - I got tired of the "woe is me" routine. Who wouldn't?

I think you are normal. And healthy. And setting boundaries does not mean you don't care about the person.

wicked

Oh this is an excellent comparison. Your teenage daughter knows how to take care of herself with a great attitude and getting on with life.

As an alcoholic, I have to be careful and keep getting on with my life. And never pick up that first drink. The pity parties are done for me.

I hear you here seekingcalm. I quit drinking and my ex husband pick up his addiction and added crack to the list. You better believe after hearing the same sad stories, told with tears and everything, well, as they say in the south I lost my religion.
I developed a hard heart for him and remembered I had two children to raise and provide for, and he was just weighing me down.


Insensitive? Nah. Just getting tired of the same ole ********.

Beth

LS2

Definately not insensitive at all. I can relate to the diabetes-type 1 here too