What are your most effective coping skills?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
What are your most effective coping skills?
I know I am under a lot of stress right now. So many of you are, too.
What are some effective coping skills that you use when things are feeling out of control?
This is weird, I know, but lately I've been playing music and coloring. They are advanced coloring books & 'professional' colored pencils...not Barney coloring books and crayons! But still.... I find that very relaxing and the activity gets me focused on nothing but staying between the lines. Y'know?
I also have been trying to practice the 'art' of mindfulness or observing and staying in the moment. That's been amazingly helpful, too.
Remembering to breathe is always good. LOL
What are some effective coping skills that you use when things are feeling out of control?
This is weird, I know, but lately I've been playing music and coloring. They are advanced coloring books & 'professional' colored pencils...not Barney coloring books and crayons! But still.... I find that very relaxing and the activity gets me focused on nothing but staying between the lines. Y'know?
I also have been trying to practice the 'art' of mindfulness or observing and staying in the moment. That's been amazingly helpful, too.
Remembering to breathe is always good. LOL
Moment of Conception
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Planet Tragedy
Posts: 453
Ive never seen or heard of advanced colouring books! Sounds like a really good idea as i imagine a lot of concentration is needed. You pushed the boat out with the pencils too so obviously you're serious. I think it sounds great! Constructive and imaginative regardless of the lines, as pencils offer wide variety in shades.
I draw a lot myself, but only with B series carbon, quite useless with colour.
... and yes i too find it very relaxing. Once in the zone thats it.
Great therapy, thanks for sharing :-)
I draw a lot myself, but only with B series carbon, quite useless with colour.
... and yes i too find it very relaxing. Once in the zone thats it.
Great therapy, thanks for sharing :-)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: California
Posts: 221
Here you go: Coloring books for adults
There are some pretty neat ones with repeating or hidden patterns. You can get special pens that can be used to make stained-glass, I believe.
There are some pretty neat ones with repeating or hidden patterns. You can get special pens that can be used to make stained-glass, I believe.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What I do sometimes is brainstorm. Think outside the box. Anything goes, when you're brainstorming.
Hire a hitman? Nah, too expensive, too much risk, you can't trust crooks to keep their mouths shut.
Run away and join the circus? Hm, got a lot of experience dealing with clowns, but the upkeep for those sequined outfits has gotta be horrendous.
Sometimes the ideas I come up with make me laugh, and sometimes a really silly-sounding idea actually starts to make sense. Start my own business? But I'm not the entrepeneurial type. Wait a minute, maybe I COULD do that. I could learn--there are certainly people dumber than me out there running businesses....
Hire a hitman? Nah, too expensive, too much risk, you can't trust crooks to keep their mouths shut.
Run away and join the circus? Hm, got a lot of experience dealing with clowns, but the upkeep for those sequined outfits has gotta be horrendous.
Sometimes the ideas I come up with make me laugh, and sometimes a really silly-sounding idea actually starts to make sense. Start my own business? But I'm not the entrepeneurial type. Wait a minute, maybe I COULD do that. I could learn--there are certainly people dumber than me out there running businesses....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
When I recognize my fears, I wrote them down, on one side of a page, then go down the list and correct the irrational or unrealistic aspects of them. For instance...
I will not be able to be a good mother alone.
correct thought;
I have been doing nearly everything alone already, can do it, do it well, and now w/o RA in my life I won't have the added stress.
I will not be able to be a good mother alone.
correct thought;
I have been doing nearly everything alone already, can do it, do it well, and now w/o RA in my life I won't have the added stress.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
TJP, I hadn't even thought of coloring as a coping skill. Thank you! I love the designs for coloring books and use nice and bright markers. (Wicked, I googled "geometric for coloring" or "mandalas for coloring" and found some free printables to color. I found watercolor pencils at a big box craft store.)
I very recently started playing with watercolor crayons and graphite and charcoal pencils. I can only work with the pencils for a little while because I get frustrated that I can't make my hand draw what I want to.
I knit. I read a lot. I clean.
This spring and summer I want to try my hand at gardening, maybe peonies, dahlias, lavendar, carrots, stringbeans, strawberries... I tried lavendar last summer, but ended up with a nice container of weeds.... So, just plant more, right? Something has to take.
I very recently started playing with watercolor crayons and graphite and charcoal pencils. I can only work with the pencils for a little while because I get frustrated that I can't make my hand draw what I want to.
I knit. I read a lot. I clean.
This spring and summer I want to try my hand at gardening, maybe peonies, dahlias, lavendar, carrots, stringbeans, strawberries... I tried lavendar last summer, but ended up with a nice container of weeds.... So, just plant more, right? Something has to take.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Oh, I'm glad you like my coloring idea! 
I live in a large city and we have a wonderful art supply store here -- they have probably a hundred of these coloring books on the shelves! I own about 10 of them...and they're CHEAP...and you can xerox them endlessly so if you mess up you still have the pattern!
Dover Publications and Mindware are two companies that I know produce these books. You have to google it because it's against the rules to post links for products here on SR.
I use Prismacolor pencils.
OH! That's right! There's lots of coloring pages on the web that you can just print off! Look especially for the mandalas -- they're cool!
I live in a large city and we have a wonderful art supply store here -- they have probably a hundred of these coloring books on the shelves! I own about 10 of them...and they're CHEAP...and you can xerox them endlessly so if you mess up you still have the pattern!
Dover Publications and Mindware are two companies that I know produce these books. You have to google it because it's against the rules to post links for products here on SR.
I use Prismacolor pencils.
OH! That's right! There's lots of coloring pages on the web that you can just print off! Look especially for the mandalas -- they're cool!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by Buffalo66 
When I recognize my fears, I wrote them down, on one side of a page, then go down the list and correct the irrational or unrealistic aspects of them. For instance...
I will not be able to be a good mother alone.
correct thought;
I have been doing nearly everything alone already, can do it, do it well, and now w/o RA in my life I won't have the added stress.
I will not be able to be a good mother alone.
correct thought;
I have been doing nearly everything alone already, can do it, do it well, and now w/o RA in my life I won't have the added stress.
Actually, DBT is helpful for anyone and everyone who wants to manage stress and difficult emotions. This website is kind of hard to follow, but it has some really good stuff: DBT Self Help
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Thanks, TJP!
Lately, I have been cleaning my apartment (I finished the closets, now I'm working on the den), I do my Sudoku book when I have trouble concentrating on ANYTHING (I am on puzzle #283 of 300), and I have a second puzzle I can start when the mood strikes me (not yet, I'm still admiring the first one). Plus I can cuddle Peaches - who can resist a purring kitten?
Eventually Want to start getting back into my crafts. I used to do counted cross stitch, which always relaxed me... Plus I have a whole hope chest full of scrapbook stuff from cool places XABF and I went together, and at some point I think it will be therapeutic and actually make my scrapbooks full of the good times, so I can remember why I got into a relationship with the guy. (No idea what I'll do with the scrapbooks when they're done, of course! But I do want to finish them.)
And when I'm just stressed out beyond belief, I take a nice long soak in the bathtub. I have some bath salts, aromatherapy, and assorted other odds and ends I can add as desired. This is my "when nothing else works" solution, and seems to do a great job.
Lately, I have been cleaning my apartment (I finished the closets, now I'm working on the den), I do my Sudoku book when I have trouble concentrating on ANYTHING (I am on puzzle #283 of 300), and I have a second puzzle I can start when the mood strikes me (not yet, I'm still admiring the first one). Plus I can cuddle Peaches - who can resist a purring kitten?
Eventually Want to start getting back into my crafts. I used to do counted cross stitch, which always relaxed me... Plus I have a whole hope chest full of scrapbook stuff from cool places XABF and I went together, and at some point I think it will be therapeutic and actually make my scrapbooks full of the good times, so I can remember why I got into a relationship with the guy. (No idea what I'll do with the scrapbooks when they're done, of course! But I do want to finish them.)
And when I'm just stressed out beyond belief, I take a nice long soak in the bathtub. I have some bath salts, aromatherapy, and assorted other odds and ends I can add as desired. This is my "when nothing else works" solution, and seems to do a great job.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 35
I love the coloring idea!! I'll have to check that out. I used to crochet, bead, listen to music and garden. I have a guitar I'd like to pick up and play. All things I just haven't been in the right frame of mind to do since I got married - just couldn't get into the "zen zone" as I call it. But I WILL, and soon! In the meantime, I take hot bubble baths and read. A walk outside would be nice too now that it's warmed up a bit .
.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by brokenheartfool
This is just lately, and may change at any moment, but this has been effective: Looking in the mirror and laughing at myself and saying "THE SKY IS NOT FALLING CHICKEN LITTLE!"
I walk it off - but tonight I got home too late and am not really fond of walking in the dark...so now I going to tv it off. Sometimes, its nice to just veg; be completely mindless.
This is actually a hard question to answer... I am still trying to refine my coping skills that seem uselessly out of date to my life today!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
I love coloring! When I'm stressed at work or the kids are a little "wild" I pull out some coloring sheets. Everyone mellows out-especially me. Living in the moment is great too. Long walks when possible while I "think" or listen to some music. I have not been able to scrapbook for over a year-too painful but I do enjoy cardmaking with friends. And for some reason- doing the dishes and vacuuming-I find it very relaxing and gratifying.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Thanks for this thread. I am a double winner, but at only 5 1/2 weeks sober I'm trying to maintain total focus on my sobriety right now. The time for my codie issues will have to come when I have a solid foundation of recovery.
These ideas are very helpful. All of them. I love the coloring idea. I have huge empty holes to fill the time/places left from my drinking and this sounds like a marvelous idea. I went on the link and I'm going to get some books and markers and pencils right away.
I've been stressing over what to buy my sister for a birthday present also.
She is the gal that has everything. BINGO. This is a perfect gift for her, so I'm going to send them to her too.
Thanks again.
mtnmagic
These ideas are very helpful. All of them. I love the coloring idea. I have huge empty holes to fill the time/places left from my drinking and this sounds like a marvelous idea. I went on the link and I'm going to get some books and markers and pencils right away.
I've been stressing over what to buy my sister for a birthday present also.
She is the gal that has everything. BINGO. This is a perfect gift for her, so I'm going to send them to her too.
Thanks again.
mtnmagic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 447
Ah great thread!
Well being new....to realizing I'm a serious codie that is.
and being that I have a really super crazy hectic schedule being in nursing school and having 3 kids and a RAH well let's just say COPING is a daily thing here for one situation or another.
I love the coloring idea btw! That's awesome. There is nothing like a brand new box of crayons to make everything a-ok! Gonna remember that one!
Here's my list.
1. Pray....A LOT!
2. Journal - working really well for me in sorting out how I feel on a moment to moment basis.
3. my program -Alnon. It's really helping me realize that I'm not alone and maybe it's the strength in numbers. Or just the listening and knowing someone is there for me...and I am there for them. very give-take (a new concept in my life, lol!)
4. detachment - love love love it. Takes ME out of the equation and really is practicing the idea behind we didn't cause it and can't cure it. Therefore I don't stress over stuff that doesn't really concern me...and not much concerns me anymore.
5. my standard "do what you think is right" line -when I'm asked for imput that I don't have real stake in and sometimes when I do. It works. Puts the responsibility where it belongs...and that's not with me!
6. Anger - some days it is the anger that gets me through. It's not totally healthy but it's not bad to feel anger either, at least I don't think so. Repressing your feelings is super bad for you overall so I don't mind wallowing in it once in awhile. As long as it's not obsessive or crazy kind of anger...I think it's completely normal.
7. This website, all you kind folks who have btdt. - It's nice to know that someone out there is in the same boat I am or have gone through it and have come out the other side better for it. Gives me hope.
8. Distraction - I love to read. No time anymore w/ school but if it's a book I really want to read and need some 'less crazy time' I don't have a problem with taking 10-15 min and just sitting and reading between doing all the other stuff I HAVE to do. It's giving myself the gift of peace..even if it is just for a little while.
9. ACCEPT - I've accepted that I don't have the answers. I can accept the fact that my feelings change on a day to day if not, moment to moment basis about our relationship and whether I believe it can work. I'm okay with feeling good one minute and knowing that tomorrow I may not. It's part of my journey and my own healing to eventually get to the place I'm supposed to be.
I think that's about it for me... a week or so ago I would have said crying. But it's been a week...I don't really cry over him anymore. I don't know what's changed besides the fact I'm truly just not listening to him. Well I'm listening but I'm not really taking any of it to heart. I'm still not thrilled w/ the guy I'm coming to believe he really is. Can't say he's the man of my dreams or that I will want to stay married to him come August (when I graduate) even though he's saying now that he wants to make this work (surprise surprise..) but I realized that I have some control here. Not over him or his needs/wants but I can make decisions for myself and my kids and know they are good, solid well thought out and positive. I won't let negative fears keep me in a place just because I'm too paralyzed by fear to actually DO something about it. For me, that's a step in the right direction.
Think I'm gonna go buy a new box of crayons tomorrow...TY for the great idea!
Well being new....to realizing I'm a serious codie that is.
and being that I have a really super crazy hectic schedule being in nursing school and having 3 kids and a RAH well let's just say COPING is a daily thing here for one situation or another.
I love the coloring idea btw! That's awesome. There is nothing like a brand new box of crayons to make everything a-ok! Gonna remember that one!
Here's my list.
1. Pray....A LOT!
2. Journal - working really well for me in sorting out how I feel on a moment to moment basis.
3. my program -Alnon. It's really helping me realize that I'm not alone and maybe it's the strength in numbers. Or just the listening and knowing someone is there for me...and I am there for them. very give-take (a new concept in my life, lol!)
4. detachment - love love love it. Takes ME out of the equation and really is practicing the idea behind we didn't cause it and can't cure it. Therefore I don't stress over stuff that doesn't really concern me...and not much concerns me anymore.
5. my standard "do what you think is right" line -when I'm asked for imput that I don't have real stake in and sometimes when I do. It works. Puts the responsibility where it belongs...and that's not with me!
6. Anger - some days it is the anger that gets me through. It's not totally healthy but it's not bad to feel anger either, at least I don't think so. Repressing your feelings is super bad for you overall so I don't mind wallowing in it once in awhile. As long as it's not obsessive or crazy kind of anger...I think it's completely normal.
7. This website, all you kind folks who have btdt. - It's nice to know that someone out there is in the same boat I am or have gone through it and have come out the other side better for it. Gives me hope.
8. Distraction - I love to read. No time anymore w/ school but if it's a book I really want to read and need some 'less crazy time' I don't have a problem with taking 10-15 min and just sitting and reading between doing all the other stuff I HAVE to do. It's giving myself the gift of peace..even if it is just for a little while.
9. ACCEPT - I've accepted that I don't have the answers. I can accept the fact that my feelings change on a day to day if not, moment to moment basis about our relationship and whether I believe it can work. I'm okay with feeling good one minute and knowing that tomorrow I may not. It's part of my journey and my own healing to eventually get to the place I'm supposed to be.
I think that's about it for me... a week or so ago I would have said crying. But it's been a week...I don't really cry over him anymore. I don't know what's changed besides the fact I'm truly just not listening to him. Well I'm listening but I'm not really taking any of it to heart. I'm still not thrilled w/ the guy I'm coming to believe he really is. Can't say he's the man of my dreams or that I will want to stay married to him come August (when I graduate) even though he's saying now that he wants to make this work (surprise surprise..) but I realized that I have some control here. Not over him or his needs/wants but I can make decisions for myself and my kids and know they are good, solid well thought out and positive. I won't let negative fears keep me in a place just because I'm too paralyzed by fear to actually DO something about it. For me, that's a step in the right direction.
Think I'm gonna go buy a new box of crayons tomorrow...TY for the great idea!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 71
Great thread!!
I've been journalling every day this year and making an effort not to edit myself when I do it. This has really helped me keep my focus where it needs to be. As part of this, on a daily basis, I read "The Language of Letting Go" and "Courage to Change."
I bought some Scrabble software. It seems to help me when I completely take my focus away from what is happening around me.
Signed up for Netflix, and I've been watching a ridiculous number of movies.
I would like to say I've been exercising, but alas...no. blech.
I've been journalling every day this year and making an effort not to edit myself when I do it. This has really helped me keep my focus where it needs to be. As part of this, on a daily basis, I read "The Language of Letting Go" and "Courage to Change."
I bought some Scrabble software. It seems to help me when I completely take my focus away from what is happening around me.
Signed up for Netflix, and I've been watching a ridiculous number of movies.
I would like to say I've been exercising, but alas...no. blech.
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