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What would you do?

Old 02-16-2011, 08:29 AM
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What would you do?

I know we are not supposed to dispense advice on here, but I am just curious what others would do in this situation.

My wife has been in treatment for 45 days. She comes home tomorrow. I have filed for divorce. Long story short, the treatment center was out of network so the insurance company acutally sends checks made out to my wife. She then signs them over to the treatment center. While she has been in treatment the checks have come and mostly they are a little more then $1000 or so. I would just drop them off at the local chapter of the company providing her treament (she is in treatment in CA, I am in GA). I know this is her responsibility, but I did not want checks piling up while she is gone.

So, like I said she is getting home tomorrow. She is arranging her own place to stay. She is coming over to visit with the kids. Anyway, I get a check from the insurance company yesterday made out to my wife for $21,000. Now, I know the right, non codependent thing to do is give the check to my wife and let her give it to the treatment center. But my codependent self want SO BAD to do it myself to make sure it gets done since it is so much money.

I am going to give the check to her, but it is killing me.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:35 AM
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um, since it would go against your credit as well if the bill is not paid,..I think I would be a part of a joint effort/process in making sure it goes to the treatment center.
Looking out for ourselves is important too.
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Old 02-16-2011, 08:35 AM
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What would you do?
You're married, so HER financial responsibilities are YOUR financial responsibilities too. Legally, her debt is your debt. I would make sure the check is signed over appropriately. I would never trust my finances and financial responsibilities to a person struggling with alcoholism or addiction. I watched my brother blow through approximately $70,000 in less than one year. Taking care of, and executing appropriate caution in, your financial life and liabilities is NOT codependence.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:07 AM
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I agree with above, it's called CYA.

Now, here is a suggestions, on the back of the check go ahead and write, above where she will endorse it:

"Pay to the order of _________________________"

Put in the name of the treatment center. Then you can give her the check, ask her to endorse it and you will be happy to 'mail' it for her, or just give her the check. She will have no choice with the "Pay To" already on the back, because if she tries to change that, no bank will accept it.

You might also have the envelope ready, addressed and stamped, in case she gets upset.

But, you asked, and my answer is, I would not give my A that size check after only 45 days of treatment. No way, no how.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:09 AM
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I would send the check to the treatment center directly.
Out of treatment one day and a huge check?
I dont know the deets of your whole story, but, I would not consider it codie to protect your financial future. consider it a favor you are doing for her and let it be.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:11 AM
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I agree with what everyone else has already said... CYA!
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:11 AM
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This is why I love SR. OK, the sense has been knocked back into me. I will put the pay to info on the back, have her sign it and mail it in.
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:12 AM
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You knew it all ready in your gut! LOL
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Old 02-16-2011, 09:12 AM
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I avoid giving advice, and normally phrase everythign as a story, suggestion, or question. In this case, unless a lawyer tells you otherwise, please assume you are on the hook for this debt and give the check to the treatemnt center.

The consequences of not doing this could be considerable, and I don't count it as controlling her-- I count it as controlling yourself and that's allowed.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

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Old 02-16-2011, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by ShiningStars View Post
I agree with what everyone else has already said... CYA!
ME TOO!

Endorse properly and stick it under nose to sign. Perfect. Legal. Safe.

Good luck.
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