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The futility of it all

Old 02-10-2011, 06:35 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I think it's clear that you are beating your head against a wall. I actually think it is unfair to believe that she will never get sober, or cannot be drink-free for more than 3 days. I know for me, hauling out the crystal ball never did any good.

I think the very most important thing here is the child. Don't know how old, but if she is a minor, please do what you must to keep her safe. That's your job.

Your wife will either get sober or will not. If any of us hundreds of people on this board knew how to get our loved one sober, we'd be zillionaires.
She is not in recovery, she is an active alcoholic who isn't even motivated to try and cover her tracks.

Please also try and take care of yourself. This can make us almost as ill as the addict.
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Old 02-10-2011, 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted by brokenheartfool View Post
I think he was implying that his wife doesn't have the weakness of infidelity?
Roger. I am currently gone all week, and return home on weekends. Never been an issue. Ample opportunity. No indicators.
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Old 02-11-2011, 04:25 AM
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what does your daughter say about moving in with your parents?

independent of the possible bad influences in the house while you are away, your daughter would still be living with an active alcoholic, which is reason enough to want her safe and sound with your parents.
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Old 02-11-2011, 06:05 AM
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Originally Posted by naive View Post
what does your daughter say about moving in with your parents?

independent of the possible bad influences in the house while you are away, your daughter would still be living with an active alcoholic, which is reason enough to want her safe and sound with your parents.
Agreed. It's progressive so you know it won't get any better. As far as other relationships this is all I will say: I consider myself a pretty sharp, smart person. I recently found out my STBXAW had more then one affair while we were married. I do not travel for work, and if I was not at work I was with her at home. Weekends we spent most of our time together. How she was able to have other relationships without me having the slightest idea is mind blowing. Of course now that I am learning more and more about alcoholism I am seeing they are experts at deceit and very cunning. They use your trust against you. If it were me, I would find a safe, stable environment for your child so you at least don't have to worry about that while you are oversees. Just my humble opinion.
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Old 02-11-2011, 04:21 PM
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The bottom line is, that it really just sucks and we can not trust them. I would have your daughter keep in contact with your parents while you are away. If she does not feel safe, she can contact them to help her.
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Old 02-11-2011, 04:39 PM
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Regardless it is difficult to live with, and anyone facing a relatively young relationship with an alcoholic is well advised to RUN AWAY. Which I will continue to preach.
I know you are talking about young couples, but I wonder why your teenage daughter should have to deal with an alcoholic.
What kind of support would your daughter have when your wife is blackout drunk?
And, if she is drinking, this will happen while you are gone, and your daughter will be trapped there with her.

Okay, I am an Adult child of an Alcoholic (actually a career military man) and it still affects me today. I am 51 years old. Please consider other living arrangements for your daughter. Maybe since you are deploying you could change her to a school near her grandparents.
Please read some of the stories about ACA's, it is a hard way to live. And learn to live.

Beth
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