Can she realy be cured?

Old 01-30-2011, 06:34 PM
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Can she realy be cured?

My sister in law is 49. She has been an alcoholic and drug addict for as long as I've known her (25 years). After many years of cocoaine use, 3 years ago she became addicted to crack cocaine and smoked away over a million dolars she had inherited from her inlaws in less than a year. Both her and her husband abuse alcohol and drugs and both were involved with crack cocaine. Because of her living away from the rest of our family, we only found out of her crack problem after she and her husband were arrested for domestic dispute, and after the police arrived they found 2 terrified children and house that was destroyed. My inlaws were able to get her in a rehab for 10 days -which I thought was way too short of a time to truly help her-. it has been 2 years since she went to rehab. She abstained from alcohol, following rehab. for only 10 days. She still continues to smoke marijuana daily (first thing in the morning until late at night) she drinks a bottle of vodka every night, and takes a number of pain pills. I have been very concerned for her because her children have since moved out and we are not around her all the time. I know first hand that she does not attend AA meetings and that she does not have a sponsor. Also I am concerned because the rest of the family believes she is cured regardless of the fact that she continues to use drugs and alcohol. Is it possible to use "other" drugs and completely quit the crack? My husband is convinced that she has made a full recovery despite her continuous use of alcohol and other drugs. Please advise.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:49 PM
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Hi and welcome.
I'm very much not an expert on these things, just a co-stumbler on the path of life.
It would appear to me that yes, you can quit using one drug -- but what good does it do you if you're abusing other drugs that devastate your life and your relationships in the same way, just maybe not as quickly or expensively?

I wouldn't say that someone who trades one drug of choice for another is "clean" -- not by a long shot. Or "cured" -- I don't think alcoholics or drug addicts are ever cured.

And I don't know how close you are or how much this affects your family -- I grew up with an aunt and uncle who were alcoholics, and even though I didn't live with them, just hung out with them and interacted with them at family events, their alcohol abuse affected me in quite major ways.

I think educating yourself regarding the effects of alcohol abuse on the family is useful and necessary for anyone alcoholism touches. I wish I had realized earlier how it affected me, because it would have saved me a truckload of trouble.

I'm sorry I don't have anything more useful -- but I would suggest reading the posts on top of the forum; they really do have a wealth of information.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:49 PM
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There's really not much you can do for her. She is an adult, and as such, has the right to live however she chooses. It is good to know that the children no longer live with her.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:52 PM
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She can be cured, but only when she wants to be cured. There's no deadline, she has to be cured by this date or this age or else - she just has to find her own bottom before she is inspired to try and get better.

A friend of mine in AA told me about a 98 year old man in one of his meetings. He went up to the man and asked why in the world he wanted to get sober after 98 years - my friend said if he was that old he'd just stay drunk all the time. (This was early in my friend's recovery.) The 98-year-old man said he just woke up one day and was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

BUT - she has to want it for herself. Nothing you can say or do will ever change that, ever.

The 3C's:
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

You are not responsible for her recovery.
You are responsible for YOUR recovery.

I would suggest finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area to attend. It has really helped me learn to let go and allow my A the dignity of finding his own alcohol without my meddling. Me trying to interfere doesn't help, it only enables him to find newer ways and deeper lows in the alcohol.
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Old 01-30-2011, 06:58 PM
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To answer your question, no, in the recovery community, continuing to use alcohol and drugs would not be looked upon as "full recovery." In fact, that would be the OPPOSITE of recovery. What it sounds like this woman's family is doing is ignoring it for as long as they can.
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