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What is he buying?

Old 01-27-2011, 07:45 AM
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Question What is he buying?

Hi everyone

This may seem like an odd question, but.... My AH is still making regular daily purchases (several times per day) at his favorite Beer & Wine stop, but the amounts have changed. What can someone buy for $1.40 at this kind of store? He made 5 purchases yesterday - 4 for $1.40, one for $2.79. I KNOW he's not buying a pack of gum each time, or a bottle of water either. AH claims he is no longer drinking...he's slowed way down, but he hasn't stopped.

I know I could go inside and look around, but I have a toddler and preschooler with me and it's very difficult to get in and out of a convenience store without knocking something over... I was wondering if someone here had any ideas.

Thanks
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Old 01-27-2011, 07:52 AM
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Maybe he is buying a 40 oz cheap beer. I think you can get that for $1.50. $2.79 sounds like a Joose or something like that. Just a thought.
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Old 01-27-2011, 07:53 AM
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The little bottles of vodka? I have no idea how much those cost though.
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Old 01-27-2011, 07:55 AM
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Does it matter what he's buying? The fact of the matter is that the person who CLAIMS he isn't drinking anymore is still visiting the liquor store...

Hmmmm...
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Old 01-27-2011, 07:56 AM
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Hmm, probably cheap little "airplane" bottles of booze like mine does. Do they sell them in convenience stores there? In my state, they don't sell liquor in convenience stores, only liquor stores.
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Old 01-27-2011, 08:05 AM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
Does it matter what he's buying? The fact of the matter is that the person who CLAIMS he isn't drinking anymore is still visiting the liquor store...

Hmmmm...
nodaybut2day - I know it doesn't matter, the fact is he is still drinking. I know that is the real issue here. I'm just curious about WHAT he is drinking that costs so little.

Thanks for everyone's ideas. Beer didn't even cross my mind - he's normally a vodka or wine drinker. Since he does all of his drinking away from home I never see what he buys unless I find the empty bottle hidden in the garage or flower bed.
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Old 01-27-2011, 08:08 AM
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Yes that's true...the little "airplane" bottles cost less than $2.00 - probably that.
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Old 01-27-2011, 09:02 AM
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yep. 40 ouncers and airplane bottles. My ex was notorious for buying those. Doesn't look good.
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Old 01-27-2011, 09:23 AM
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I worked in a liquor store. I'll bet (since you say he's a vodka drinker) it's the airplane bottles (or 'mini's as they're called) -or- a half pint (that's the 2.75 I'll bet) of vodka.

ALso those 'power beer' drinks ....
like an energy drink with alcohol
can be on special.

There was a manager of a local foodchain restaraunt who'd come in every day and buy four mini bottles of vodka. He'd drink all four in his car before going to work.

I was a vodka drinker.
Vodka drinkers don't like to switch around.
Vodka does the job far too well
to be experimenting with anything else.

Tall beers run around 1.85 or something like that.

It's been a year or so since I worked there.

I hated that job.
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Old 01-27-2011, 09:35 AM
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My A used to buy $3.75 bottle of Nicolai vodka, here in Pa. Might be less in TX. But that is the alcoholic/hobo type standard b/c of affordability and it is compact/pocket sized. He used to carry it in his jeans back pocket. Yuck!. I know the exact amount, LOL...because he would search the couch coushions, etc. I never bought for him.
There is definitely stuff to buy for cheap. Beer, too.
minibar bottles are around $3ish .

He is drinking.
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Old 01-27-2011, 09:43 AM
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Barb...I would hate that job too. Four mini bottles of vodka all at once? I would be passed out in my car. No way could I go to work.

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Old 01-27-2011, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by nodaybut2day View Post
Does it matter what he's buying? The fact of the matter is that the person who CLAIMS he isn't drinking anymore is still visiting the liquor store...

Hmmmm...
A million thanks for saying it first, noday.
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Old 01-27-2011, 11:23 AM
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He's buying alcohol. You know this. There is no way to keep an alcoholic from drinking. No way. A big problem here, and I know this because I did it myself, is that you are tracking his spending as only a controlling, co-dependant enabler can. It was my specialty. I'm surprised I didn't produce spreadsheets for her with pie charts.

Because we share a life experience I care for you, and with that caring I say If you don't go to Al-Anon, please try a few meetings. It will improve your life if you let it. Don't find excuses to not go, and don't get wrapped up in what you don't like about it (for me that would have been God-- I don't believe in God. I also used the, "it's too cult-like" excuse for a long time-- until I learned more about cults and realized there was no leader, and there are no "musts" in Al-Anon; that's kind of inconsistant with the whole cult thing.).

Just go to six or more meetings, some different, and if it still isn't working for you start seeking some other form of recovery (or just keep going). It will work if you let it.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 01-27-2011, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
He's buying alcohol. You know this. There is no way to keep an alcoholic from drinking. No way. A big problem here, and I know this because I did it myself, is that you are tracking his spending as only a controlling, co-dependant enabler can. It was my specialty. I'm surprised I didn't produce spreadsheets for her with pie charts.

Because we share a life experience I care for you, and with that caring I say If you don't go to Al-Anon, please try a few meetings. It will improve your life if you let it. Don't find excuses to not go, and don't get wrapped up in what you don't like about it (for me that would have been God-- I don't believe in God. I also used the, "it's too cult-like" excuse for a long time-- until I learned more about cults and realized there was no leader, and there are no "musts" in Al-Anon; that's kind of inconsistant with the whole cult thing.).

Just go to six or more meetings, some different, and if it still isn't working for you start seeking some other form of recovery (or just keep going). It will work if you let it.

Take care,

Cyranoak
I see your point, Cryanoak. I do keep track, but I've only confronted him about what he spends once, back in July. Right now seeing what he is really doing (by seeing his purchases) keeps me focused on taking care of me and my little ones. I will continue to keep record of his spending for as long as I am able in order to prove his condition to the court so that my babies are not forced to spend alone time with him once we are no longer together. My son has special needs and AH has proven at home that he is unable to care for him properly. I need to be sure I can prove it to the court when the time comes.

I haven't been to Al-Anon yet, but am trying to work out the logistics. Not many offer childcare and I cannot leave my little ones with AH in order to attend. I know I need the support - I WANT the support Al-Anon offers, I just don't have the details worked out yet. But I'm getting there.

SR has been a real source of inspiration, and information. I appreciate the support and feedback when I ask a question. I'm learning a lot. I realize YOU (being anyone here on SR) may see some of my questions as being too focused on my AH, but I'm working through this the best way I can so that I can turn my focus back where it belongs - on myself and my children. I'm so tired of living in this hell. I know I can't stop him from drinking. Right now I'm working on not being sucked in by his lies. I have a long way to go, but I'm getting there.

Gosh, I hope this ends up making sense. Both kids have been crawling in and out of my lap while I've been typing this.

to everyone for responding, and more than anything, for supporting me. I'm so glad I found SR!
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Old 01-27-2011, 01:04 PM
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Cool. You are way ahead of me. I'll be thinking about you and your boy.

Cyranoak
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Old 01-27-2011, 01:21 PM
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If you need the information for yourself, by all means, track his spending - but it doesn't really matter what he's buying. You know his drinking habits well enough to guess, and that's all you really need.

If you're not keeping a journal, I suggest you do so. You can keep an emotionless one full of facts for backup at court, but I suggest you also keep one full of your feelings as a reminder to yourself. I'd also suggest you never read either of them unless you need backup for court, or a reminder of the emotional turmoil you've been through if you start to waver - for me, digging through the past when I don't feel I need to drags me down into depression, but it lifts my resolve if I started doubting myself.

Good luck!
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Old 01-27-2011, 03:00 PM
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Funny, I have been recently been calculating how much my AH spends at convenience stores on alcohol and tobacco and it came out to about $525.00 a month. Boy, I wish I had that money to pay down our debts. But more than that, I wish I didn't have to figure out where all the money goes.

My brain has a lot better uses than constantly trying figuring out what the alcoholic is going to do next.
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Old 01-27-2011, 03:34 PM
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Ugh. Talk about crazy-making.
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Old 01-29-2011, 08:24 AM
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Thanks, Cryanoak That means a lot!

StarCat - thanks for the suggestion on the two journals. I used to keep one - full of what goes on and how I feel at any given time. I barely have time to write it much less re-read it, but I agree about not reading it. I have looked back a time or two trying to find something specific and it just brings back what I was feeling at the time - uggh

mamajama (love that name, btw!) my AH is spending that much but doesn't buy tobacco - only booze in one form or another. Yeah, if only I could put that money toward so many other things... It really makes me angry to see how much money is going down the drain (literally). I see you are in Texas, too. Howdy

Time for more coffee...
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