Well, that was short lived.
Chaotically Peaceful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
Well, that was short lived.
I guess I just wanted it so bad, I was willing to take the chance. I mean, this man is AMAZING when he is sober. Funny, sexy, smart, caring, kind, gentle, loving, talented. Blows me away. We have so much in common. I've never met a man like him. Well...except the alcoholic thing.
You might remember me posting about the RA I was seeing who relapsed after his divorce. He spent just over 3 weeks at inpatient. It was over an hour away and I went to see him 6-7 times during the time he was there. I took part in several group sessions at his request...expressed my fears and feelings. TOTALLY fell for this man (I know, I know).
He was discharged on January 11 and moved in with his parents. He had a bunch of hurdles to jump with his job and totally hit the ground running...meetings, online aftercare, etc. We spent a lot of time together and although I was pretty guarded, I just couldn't get enough of this guy.
Well, this weekend I started getting that oogie feeling again. You know, that little pecking in your brain that says that things aren't fitting together quite right...time frames...phone calls...conversations. Today he called and said that he would like to go to my house and make dinner for me and the boys. I told him that would be nice. He called me at 2:00 to ask where the brown sugar was and I could just tell something wasn't right in his voice (damn). I picked up the kids and got home around 6:00 and the man couldn't walk. I told him that he should go sleep it off and we would talk later (when I planned to tell him that he wasn't welcome back in my home) I didn't want to argue with a drunk nor did I want to condone drunk driving. He went into my room and laid down on the bed.
Well, my youngest child is a bit of a handful. Sweet as can be but very willful. He asked me for a poptart and was not pleased with my answer. We went back and forth for a bit and he asked if he could play the Wii. I told him yes, until it was time for dinner. He trotted off to my room where I heard a "NO! Absolutely NO WAY! NO!"
OMG!!! This man was yelling at my kid! WTF?
I got my little guy out and set up the Wii in the living room instead. I went about my night because I know better than to argue with a drunk. Well, apparently the lack of arguing was more than he could take and out of the bedroom comes a steadily increasing stream if quacking. You could probably hear the from wherever you are (overseas, even). No one understands him. He lost everything. He has nothing. This is ridiculous and horrid (yes...horrid). That he's met the same girl (I assume as his XW) just at a different address.
That didn't get a response so he started saying that he's never met a woman who lets her kids run over her so much...that I don't do anything around the house and that no one could ever live up to my standards.
You know what? I said F*&K the drunk driving. Hit the pavement. He tried to push back and make it my problem. I told him that I understand that I am not the right girl for him and I hope he finds happiness in life. It just wasn't with me. Off he went.
I realized about an hour ago that he left ALL kinds of stuff here...including his phone. I called his parents to let them know what was going on. Told them I would bring his stuff by in the morning. His dad told me that he was sad for his son, hopes that I have a wonderful life and to keep in touch.
I feel so good about taking care of myself and my kids...but I also just want to lay down and sob my heart out.
You might remember me posting about the RA I was seeing who relapsed after his divorce. He spent just over 3 weeks at inpatient. It was over an hour away and I went to see him 6-7 times during the time he was there. I took part in several group sessions at his request...expressed my fears and feelings. TOTALLY fell for this man (I know, I know).
He was discharged on January 11 and moved in with his parents. He had a bunch of hurdles to jump with his job and totally hit the ground running...meetings, online aftercare, etc. We spent a lot of time together and although I was pretty guarded, I just couldn't get enough of this guy.
Well, this weekend I started getting that oogie feeling again. You know, that little pecking in your brain that says that things aren't fitting together quite right...time frames...phone calls...conversations. Today he called and said that he would like to go to my house and make dinner for me and the boys. I told him that would be nice. He called me at 2:00 to ask where the brown sugar was and I could just tell something wasn't right in his voice (damn). I picked up the kids and got home around 6:00 and the man couldn't walk. I told him that he should go sleep it off and we would talk later (when I planned to tell him that he wasn't welcome back in my home) I didn't want to argue with a drunk nor did I want to condone drunk driving. He went into my room and laid down on the bed.
Well, my youngest child is a bit of a handful. Sweet as can be but very willful. He asked me for a poptart and was not pleased with my answer. We went back and forth for a bit and he asked if he could play the Wii. I told him yes, until it was time for dinner. He trotted off to my room where I heard a "NO! Absolutely NO WAY! NO!"
OMG!!! This man was yelling at my kid! WTF?
I got my little guy out and set up the Wii in the living room instead. I went about my night because I know better than to argue with a drunk. Well, apparently the lack of arguing was more than he could take and out of the bedroom comes a steadily increasing stream if quacking. You could probably hear the from wherever you are (overseas, even). No one understands him. He lost everything. He has nothing. This is ridiculous and horrid (yes...horrid). That he's met the same girl (I assume as his XW) just at a different address.
That didn't get a response so he started saying that he's never met a woman who lets her kids run over her so much...that I don't do anything around the house and that no one could ever live up to my standards.
You know what? I said F*&K the drunk driving. Hit the pavement. He tried to push back and make it my problem. I told him that I understand that I am not the right girl for him and I hope he finds happiness in life. It just wasn't with me. Off he went.
I realized about an hour ago that he left ALL kinds of stuff here...including his phone. I called his parents to let them know what was going on. Told them I would bring his stuff by in the morning. His dad told me that he was sad for his son, hopes that I have a wonderful life and to keep in touch.
I feel so good about taking care of myself and my kids...but I also just want to lay down and sob my heart out.
Last edited by vujade; 01-24-2011 at 06:36 PM. Reason: typo
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Yes, they leave stuff at your house so that they have a reason to come back. I agree about dropping that stuff off.
Good for you for seeing it for what it was. It'll be difficult for a little while but you'll be okay.
(((hugs))) good job!
Good for you for seeing it for what it was. It'll be difficult for a little while but you'll be okay.
(((hugs))) good job!
Chaotically Peaceful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
OMG!!!!! He just walked into my house!!! He just walked right into my house!!! He can hardly stand up and can't even speak! Crap. Just crap. Thank GOODNESS my kids are asleep. Crap.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
You did the right thing to kick him out.
Do whatever you need to do to make him go away.
With my XABF, I threatened to call the cops, picked up the phone, and started hitting buttons. It got him out of the house for a bit (but he came back).
Do NOT be afraid to call the police, do whatever it takes to keep him away from your sons. He is certainly trespassing.
Do whatever you need to do to make him go away.
With my XABF, I threatened to call the cops, picked up the phone, and started hitting buttons. It got him out of the house for a bit (but he came back).
Do NOT be afraid to call the police, do whatever it takes to keep him away from your sons. He is certainly trespassing.
Chaotically Peaceful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
UGH...I'm OK. We're all OK. He could barely speak let alone do anything else. He wasn't belligerent or angry just had this horribly sad look in his eyes. I took his keys out of his hand and the sack of food from Sonic (weirdest thing...the man is a total drunk but went by Sonic to get me food). I didn't want him out on the road and I didn't want to start a fight with a drunk. He didn't say a word, just went into my bedroom and went to "sleep".
DAMN, I hate confrontation. Although I was sad, I was really glad that he left last night because I wouldn't have to deal with the conflict. When he came back in, I was so shocked (mental note to lock the door behind people when they leave), annoyed, defeated.
My head is still spinning. I've got a lot to take care of before I pick up my kids tonight. And, if at all possible, without involving the cops. But I will if I have to.
DAMN, I hate confrontation. Although I was sad, I was really glad that he left last night because I wouldn't have to deal with the conflict. When he came back in, I was so shocked (mental note to lock the door behind people when they leave), annoyed, defeated.
My head is still spinning. I've got a lot to take care of before I pick up my kids tonight. And, if at all possible, without involving the cops. But I will if I have to.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sorry you had to go through this.
Please make sure to get any of your keys off his key ring if he has any, and yes, keep the door locked from now on.
Good job on taking care of you and your kids!
Love and hugs,
Please make sure to get any of your keys off his key ring if he has any, and yes, keep the door locked from now on.
Good job on taking care of you and your kids!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 70
My heart is racing as I read this. I'm so glad I read your update saying everyone is ok. Please do whatever necessary to protect yourself and your kids. None of you deserve this or have to put up with it AT ALL!!! My AH was just like the guy you are describing when we first met. I was completely, madly in love with him, and at the time he treated my kids (from my previous marriage) better than I could have hoped for. The 'monster' took a while to rear its ugly head, but when it did it was (and is) scary. How could the man I loved so much, that loved me and my kids so much, say the things that he did to us and about us. Uggh, they both even sound the same when they're drunk!
Please do not hesitate to call the police. Do not let your kids be witness to his behavior. I am working to get away from my AH... If only I won the lotto tonight
Please keep us posted. I know I must be rambling...I can't stop crying just thinking about this...(I guess it brings up too many memories of what I've seen with my AH). Be safe!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Wow, what a lousy night.
I actually think you handled it well. :nod: He'll sober up and tell him not to leave and not come back or you'll call the cops. Lock the doors and then if he comes his drama and the cops are on the other side of your door, not in your house.
I actually think you handled it well. :nod: He'll sober up and tell him not to leave and not come back or you'll call the cops. Lock the doors and then if he comes his drama and the cops are on the other side of your door, not in your house.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by Thumper 
Wow, what a lousy night.
I actually think you handled it well. :nod: He'll sober up and tell him not to leave and not come back or you'll call the cops. Lock the doors and then if he comes his drama and the cops are on the other side of your door, not in your house.
I actually think you handled it well. :nod: He'll sober up and tell him not to leave and not come back or you'll call the cops. Lock the doors and then if he comes his drama and the cops are on the other side of your door, not in your house.
I'm happy to hear that everyone is okay.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Oh jeez, you poor thing!
Im so glad you and your kids are ok now.
You seem very well balanced and fully aware of whats going on and any ensuing consequences.
I think you are right to get him out of your life, you are saving your kids and yourself alot of heartache down the road and you owe that to them and yourself - you dont owe this man NOTHING!
Keep us updated..you sound like a wonderful supportive caring mother and person and deserve someone in your life that is going to put you and your kids first - not alcohol!
good luck, thinking of you
Im so glad you and your kids are ok now.
You seem very well balanced and fully aware of whats going on and any ensuing consequences.
I think you are right to get him out of your life, you are saving your kids and yourself alot of heartache down the road and you owe that to them and yourself - you dont owe this man NOTHING!
Keep us updated..you sound like a wonderful supportive caring mother and person and deserve someone in your life that is going to put you and your kids first - not alcohol!
good luck, thinking of you
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