vujade

The man I was seeing went into his annual review yesterday morning drunk as a skunk (where did this phrase come from, anyway??). His boss called his dad who had to come pick him up. Once they got him home, they immediately put him in a car and sent him, passed out, to treatment.

He called me three times on the way up from his brother's phone. I could barely understand what he was saying. Each time he would cry and hang up on me. Each time, I would go back to what I was doing at work. The last time he called I said "You're going to be OK. You need to focus on yourself and saving your life." His reply was "whatever" and again he hung up.

I'm surprised that he didn't call me last night. Apparently he called his parents and his brother and was pretty belligerent. He said "Get me out of this s*&t hole." His dad replied with "C - you were drunk in L's office today. I am not coming to get you. You are not coming here." (YAY for dad!) C said "Merry F--in' Christmas" and hung up. (I personally think that a chance at life is a pretty good Christmas gift, but I digress)

When the phone rang this morning, I was bracing myself to tell him that I wasn't going to come get him either. VERY different call. This was a clear, calm man on the phone. I asked how he was doing. He said "I'm very shaky, but I'll be OK. This is good. Today I'm in recovery." He told me he just had a minute because he was going to his first lecture session but wanted to call and tell me thank you and that he loves me.

It was good to hear his voice and the calm in it. I hope, for him, that he is able to find peace and sobriety through this program.

I feel peaceful. I don't feel anxiety or angst. Not rushing to get up there. Not waiting for the next call. I'm actually looking forward to getting some things done, spending some quiet time alone when the boys are with their dad tomorrow, then have a wonderful Christmas with my babies. Life is good. I like this place I'm in. Wouldn't be here without SR!

Thumper

That is good news for both of you. Wishing you a peaceful and happy Christmas SKW.

Phoenixthebird

SKW, remember the Serenity Prayer. Take this time and think about what YOU want in your life! If you decide to stay in this relationship with your current boyfriend be prepared for a roller coaster ride!

Love and Peace,

Phoenix

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vujade

Thanks Phoenix! I'm actually feeling pretty solid right now. A couple of weeks ago (when I posted my frantic "confession") I had an evening of sobbing when I finally accepted the reality of the situation. The next day was when I told him that I couldn't be in a relationship with an active alcoholic and held to it. That's actually why I feel such a sense of inner peace. I truly accepted the three C's. I'm taking care of me. He has to determine his own path and because I care about him, I hope this is the start for him. But his recovery is his own and recovery of any kind is an ongoing process...not an event. I have no clue what will happen next month and I'm honestly OK with that. It's a wonderful freedom that I have released myself from the "script" I've always seemed to write for my life and everyone in it.

Actually, I'm so looking forward to having time to myself and being completely unattached, I can hardly stand it. It is the first time in my life when I can remember not feeling a need to be in a relationship and have daily contact with someone.