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Teenage daughter of an alcoholic mother

Old 12-21-2010, 04:49 AM
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Unhappy Teenage daughter of an alcoholic mother

Hi everyone, this is my first post- on any website about everything I'm going through aswell as my family.
My mums been an alcoholic for the past 3 years, I'm 17 and my sisters 15 so we've had to grow up pretty quickly because if we didn't we'd have no hope.
It's only got really bad in the last year, she's been in and out of 4 rehabs, some for months others for just a week or so. But in the end, not even a few days later she ends up drinking again. She has recently been in hospital for her problem and the doctor said shed die within a year if she didn't stop I find wine bottles and casks everywhere I go, hidden in the laundry, the towel racks- anywhere you could imagine.
In the end we've had to take away all cash and cards as well as her car keys. I feel so guilty doing this and she ends up crying which makes me feel even worse but if we didn't shed use all our family money and end up being in a car accident hurting herself or others.
I don't know what to do anymore, it's like I have to babysit her all the time. I want my mum to be there when I get married and have children, but at this rate she wont even see me graduate highschool
I really need everyones thoughts and opinions to what we need to do
Xxx
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Old 12-21-2010, 05:05 AM
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wow, you're so young to have such hardship on your shoulders.

do you know what triggered your mom 3 yrs ago that seemed to escalate her drinking?
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Old 12-21-2010, 05:20 AM
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She was made redundant from her job, and took them to court for unfair dismissal and lost..
She has a new job now, but it's only for a few hours a day . The wort thing is she's working with children, she drinks in the morning aswell. She hasn't been at work for a while because she's been sick but shes back next year, she absolutely loves her new job.
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Old 12-21-2010, 05:43 AM
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Allybick, I just now saw you r post,
I am heading off to work right now, but I will be back to talk. i grew up in an alcoholic home as well. both parents,first dad, then after their divorce, and her remarriage, she took it up. i remember the hardships of being a daughter with a mom who would not stop drinking. it is good that she has at least tried rehab. perhaps there is hope. mine never did, we didnt even know about rehab then.

big hug, hang in there hon, there are happier times ahead for you, for there are things you can do for you. and better ways to deal with your mom.

hugs,
chicory
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Old 12-21-2010, 06:25 AM
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Hi and Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

We understand what it is like living with active alcoholism.

You are not alone.
You are important.

I'm sure others will be along soon with more personal experience and wisdom.
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Old 12-21-2010, 10:55 AM
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So great that you are reaching out for help and support. My first suggestion would be for you and your sister try to find an alateen meeting..they can really help.Also since you guys are under age..is social services involved at all? Do you have a grandparent,father,teacher,reliable adult in your life you can go to?
It sounds really hard and I can hear how much you love your mom, but you are still legally a child and could probably get some help from some outside resources so you and your sister can focus on school.
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Old 12-21-2010, 12:07 PM
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you are a very brave and strong teenager, both you and your sister.
i am sorry you have to take her keys and cash, that should not be your responsibility.
yes, if you can get any help from social services, alateen, or alanon, please do it.
it is not a betrayal to your mother, it is about saving your life.

please get some help.
i grew up with an alcoholic father, i wish i had any clue about how to get help.

thank you for coming here, and keep posting.
there is hope and happiness in you and your sister's future.

Beth

Adult Child of an Alcoholic.
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:02 PM
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Hi Ally,

My 15-year old daughter, like you, has an alcoholic mother.

The first thing I'd like to share with you is that it does not matter what may or may not have triggered your mother. What is important to know, in my opinion, is that I'm sure if she could choose she would choose to not drink and to be a good mother to you and your sister.

However, she's an alcoholic in the depth of her disease, and right now she is unable to choose not to drink no matter how much she loves you and your sister. Until the people around her and/or the society in which you live stops enabling her she will likely continue to drink. Most alcoholics don't find recovery until they find their "bottom," the moment something so horrible happens to them that they become aware they need to change or die. Some find it, some don't-- that's a terrible but real part of the disease.

What's most important for you and your sister to know is that you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Unfortunately, you mom is on her own with this and until she decides to get help in either AA or another kind of recovery program.

What can you do? Well, read the sticky posts above for some ideas which may or may not include an intervention. Also, and I cannot stress this enough as it is what ultimately improved my life, please go to Alateen or Al-Anon. Here you and/or your sister will learn how to improve your lives and to deal with your mother's alcoholism, whether she is drinking or not.

Google Al-Anon along with the name of the country in which you live to find meetings, then go to at least six before deciding if this is for you.

You take care. As a father I'll be thinking about you and your sister and wishing you the very best. Keep posting here where you will get lots of support, and find yourself an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting unless they simply don't exist where you live.

Cyranaok


Originally Posted by Allybick View Post
Hi everyone, this is my first post- on any website about everything I'm going through aswell as my family.
My mums been an alcoholic for the past 3 years, I'm 17 and my sisters 15 so we've had to grow up pretty quickly because if we didn't we'd have no hope.
It's only got really bad in the last year, she's been in and out of 4 rehabs, some for months others for just a week or so. But in the end, not even a few days later she ends up drinking again. She has recently been in hospital for her problem and the doctor said shed die within a year if she didn't stop I find wine bottles and casks everywhere I go, hidden in the laundry, the towel racks- anywhere you could imagine.
In the end we've had to take away all cash and cards as well as her car keys. I feel so guilty doing this and she ends up crying which makes me feel even worse but if we didn't shed use all our family money and end up being in a car accident hurting herself or others.
I don't know what to do anymore, it's like I have to babysit her all the time. I want my mum to be there when I get married and have children, but at this rate she wont even see me graduate highschool
I really need everyones thoughts and opinions to what we need to do
Xxx
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Old 12-21-2010, 03:20 PM
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Hi Ally, I agree with everything everyone has said. My neice and nephew were about the same age as you when their mum was drinking too.
You will need some kind of family support here I believe to help you. Do you have an aunty or someone who can be there for you to help with everyday type things. I was there for my neice and nephew most of their teenage years and it would of been very difficult for them to do this on their own. The problem is - as long as you and your sister are there to do everything for her, she wont change and she'll cry alot to get what she wants.
I dont know what stage your mum is at, but at least she has tried rehab and obviously knows she has a problem, the trouble is she has to really want to stop her drinking. Dont think that she doesnt love you because she is finding it so hard, it is the addiction pulling her down. She also needs to find or see what it is that might shock her enough to stop.
Im so sorry you are going through this, keep posting and reading about it, but mostly try to get support with other family.
JJ
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Old 12-22-2010, 01:53 AM
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Smile

Thankyou so much to everyone.
I have decided that I would like to go to an alateen meeting, I'm just really nervous and scared
Mum said she would go, but I doubt it. She's promised shed go to AA a million times.
Special thanks to cyranoak, your post really pushed me to decide towards alateen.
Thanks everyone once again xxx
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Old 12-22-2010, 03:33 AM
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hi allybick-

it would be best if you went without your mother to the alateen meeting. it's for you, not for her and it would probably keep you from being able to speak freely.

and there is no need to be scared. you don't even have to talk if you don't want to. everyone there is living with alcoholism and will understand you. you can just go and listen.

will your little sister be going with you?

naive
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Old 12-22-2010, 04:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Allybick View Post
Thankyou so much to everyone.
I have decided that I would like to go to an alateen meeting, I'm just really nervous and scared
Mum said she would go, but I doubt it. She's promised shed go to AA a million times.
Special thanks to cyranoak, your post really pushed me to decide towards alateen.
Thanks everyone once again xxx
awesome to hear that Ally! I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this!:ghug3
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:02 AM
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Allybick, you have shown a lot of courage by reaching out for support here on SR. I really do hope you and your sister start attending Ala-teen. We're here for you!

******************************
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:41 AM
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Ally, Naive is correct...

Alateen is for you and/or your sister, and is not for your mother. AA is for your mother and is a different program based on the same principles. My daughter started in Alateen when she was 10 (thank God they let her in).

A bedrock of the program is that you remember it is for you, as AA is for your mother, and that your experience is yours, and hers is hers, but they are separate (that may not make sense now, but I promise you it will make sense later).

Do it on your own or with your sister, and I believe strongly that your life will improve in ways you can't even imagine right now.

Thanks for coming back!

Cyranoak



Originally Posted by naive View Post
hi allybick-

it would be best if you went without your mother to the alateen meeting. it's for you, not for her and it would probably keep you from being able to speak freely.

and there is no need to be scared. you don't even have to talk if you don't want to. everyone there is living with alcoholism and will understand you. you can just go and listen.

will your little sister be going with you?

naive
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Old 12-22-2010, 11:52 AM
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Hi Ally...I just wanted to pop in to extend a warm welcome to you. I'm glad you found SR. It was my lifesaver when times were really rough.

I'm also glad to see you've decided to go to an Al-Ateen meeting. I'd bring your sister with you, if she's willing. Also, if you aren't able to make certain meetings, there are online Al-Anon meetings which can be useful. I used to do online meetings when my daughter was still nursing and I didn't have any childcare. There's even a chat room here on SR, and I believe there are online meetings on Saturday evenings.

I do hope you hang around here and post and read as much as you like. SR is always open and there are some amazingly supportive people here.

Keep posting!
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