Alcoholic Mom won't come for Christmas if she can't bring booze
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Wether she has a problem with alcohol or not isn't the issue here.
She is coming to your home, and you have asked for alcohol not to be present.
Her choice to come or not.
Sad to think someone might choose a rum and coke over spending some time with family.
But, good for you, making a boundary and sticking to it. You have two months clean and anyone supporting that, would respect your boundary.
She is coming to your home, and you have asked for alcohol not to be present.
Her choice to come or not.
Sad to think someone might choose a rum and coke over spending some time with family.
But, good for you, making a boundary and sticking to it. You have two months clean and anyone supporting that, would respect your boundary.
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Actually WOW1323, I haven't had a cigarette since suddenly joining RABF in quitting smoking on Feb 14 this year. After 50 years each puffing away, we found it far from easy but stuck with it......thru gritted teeth a lot of the time.
I swear if RABF has a drink, and it leads to a smoke for him, it will lead to me strangling him, and so far so good....I must have him scared to death.
I swear if RABF has a drink, and it leads to a smoke for him, it will lead to me strangling him, and so far so good....I must have him scared to death.
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
if your house rule is that there is no alcohol or sprouts or bing crosby or charades or whatever that's fine: that's your house rule, it doesn't matter why, or whether you beleive your potential guests are fully capable of acting like normal human beings around these things, you don't want them in your home. End of story, no reason for drama.
The flipside to that is that people get to decide not to come to your house. I have family members that I love dearly, who I LOVE to spend time with but whose homes I would not go to for christmas. This isn't an alcohol thing, or a love thing, it's a happiness thing. There's some things I really like to do at christmas, which is but once a year and some things that they really like to do at christmas, and they just don't mix.
so we don't spend christmas together, just one day out of a year.
The flipside to that is that people get to decide not to come to your house. I have family members that I love dearly, who I LOVE to spend time with but whose homes I would not go to for christmas. This isn't an alcohol thing, or a love thing, it's a happiness thing. There's some things I really like to do at christmas, which is but once a year and some things that they really like to do at christmas, and they just don't mix.
so we don't spend christmas together, just one day out of a year.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
It still amazes me that addicts will choose their addiction over family members. Maybe they can't help it... I don't know. I'm still coming to grips with the whole thing. To look at this from a different perspective, how many people would refuse to visit relatives on the holidays if they weren't allowed to bring peanuts, or chocolate?
My AW has made a clear and conscious choice; she will continue to drink, no matter how it harms her or what it does to the family. She's still recovering from a broken ankle, unable to put weight on it for another three weeks. She can get around with a walker, but with much difficulty.
Even so, she has apparently gotten alcohol from somewhere. I can smell it on her and hear it in her slurred speech. My only guess is that her drinking buddy has gone out and bought some for her, and she's hiding it under her mattress, or in a bag near her rented hospital bed.
It is very frustrating for those of us outside the addiction. I can't imagine what is going through the mind of the addict.
My AW has made a clear and conscious choice; she will continue to drink, no matter how it harms her or what it does to the family. She's still recovering from a broken ankle, unable to put weight on it for another three weeks. She can get around with a walker, but with much difficulty.
Even so, she has apparently gotten alcohol from somewhere. I can smell it on her and hear it in her slurred speech. My only guess is that her drinking buddy has gone out and bought some for her, and she's hiding it under her mattress, or in a bag near her rented hospital bed.
It is very frustrating for those of us outside the addiction. I can't imagine what is going through the mind of the addict.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Sorry about your mom onewiththings.
Although it should, it never ceases to amaze us what alcoholics will do.
Having dealt with alcoholism so deeply I trust you are disappointed but not surprised.
Although it should, it never ceases to amaze us what alcoholics will do.
Having dealt with alcoholism so deeply I trust you are disappointed but not surprised.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by TeM 
It still amazes me that addicts will choose their addiction over family members. Maybe they can't help it... I don't know. I'm still coming to grips with the whole thing. To look at this from a different perspective, how many people would refuse to visit relatives on the holidays if they weren't allowed to bring peanuts, or chocolate?
My AW has made a clear and conscious choice; she will continue to drink, no matter how it harms her or what it does to the family. She's still recovering from a broken ankle, unable to put weight on it for another three weeks. She can get around with a walker, but with much difficulty.
Even so, she has apparently gotten alcohol from somewhere. I can smell it on her and hear it in her slurred speech. My only guess is that her drinking buddy has gone out and bought some for her, and she's hiding it under her mattress, or in a bag near her rented hospital bed.
It is very frustrating for those of us outside the addiction. I can't imagine what is going through the mind of the addict.
My AW has made a clear and conscious choice; she will continue to drink, no matter how it harms her or what it does to the family. She's still recovering from a broken ankle, unable to put weight on it for another three weeks. She can get around with a walker, but with much difficulty.
Even so, she has apparently gotten alcohol from somewhere. I can smell it on her and hear it in her slurred speech. My only guess is that her drinking buddy has gone out and bought some for her, and she's hiding it under her mattress, or in a bag near her rented hospital bed.
It is very frustrating for those of us outside the addiction. I can't imagine what is going through the mind of the addict.
You will drive yourself crazy and not accomplish anything. Their minds are twisted and bent and the meaning of life becomes alcohol. Over time their thinking deteriorates as does the rest of the body.
It is chemically induced insanity, plain and clear. Either they choose sobriety or stay on the road to demise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
Steve, I agree. Addiction (including alcoholism) is the only disease that will tell the sufferer they don't have it. Until they fully recognize their addiction for what it is, they can not be responsible for quitting. If someone told you you should quit eating chocolate and you really liked chocolate, you'd probably tell them to go shove it, right? That is what the addict thinks they are doing. They are blind to the problem. One of the first things recovery did for me was to remove my blinders. Once I came to the revelation that I had a problem, I could then, and not before then, make a CHOICE.
My mom still believe she doesn't have a problem, and therefore, to her, asking her not to bring alcohol to my house is absurd. From the outside it may look obvious, but one thing many people fail to see about addiction is how deep that denial really is.
My mom still believe she doesn't have a problem, and therefore, to her, asking her not to bring alcohol to my house is absurd. From the outside it may look obvious, but one thing many people fail to see about addiction is how deep that denial really is.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
(((hugs)))
I'm proud of you for setting healthy boundaries.
And you know you're doing the right thing.
That doesn't diminish the pain.
Whatever she chooses to do, she's going to choose. But I don't think it can ever be harmful for an A to realize that people around her won't have her around when she's drinking.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, regardless of what she chooses to do.
I'm proud of you for setting healthy boundaries.
And you know you're doing the right thing.
That doesn't diminish the pain.
Whatever she chooses to do, she's going to choose. But I don't think it can ever be harmful for an A to realize that people around her won't have her around when she's drinking.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, regardless of what she chooses to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 650
Thanks Lillamy, I am sure our Christmas will be great. My husband's work said they weren't getting a bonus this year, but they changed their minds, so he got a Christmas bonus, which is nice. I love to shop for other people, and I'm thinking keeping my dysfunctional family at a distance this holiday season will be nice.
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