Distorted Thinking
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Distorted Thinking
I recommended a CBT website to someone a little while ago (MoodGYM: Welcome ) I've had a bit of time to review the work I did on it a while back (it's an on-line workbook) and it has been extremely illuminating. Despite being aware of these thought patterns, I can see how easy it is for me to slip back into that mindset. So, it's back to the top of my recovery agenda.
Here's a list of distorted thinking patterns that CBT aims to tackle. Recognise any?
From Change your thinking with a Self Essentials Psychologist
Here's a list of distorted thinking patterns that CBT aims to tackle. Recognise any?
From Change your thinking with a Self Essentials Psychologist
# "All-or-Nothing" Thinking - Things are viewed in black-and-white categories, with no shades of grey in between. If a situation does not go perfectly, you view it as a total failure. All-or-nothing thinking is thinking in extremes. For example, "Unless I perform perfectly in everything I do, I am a failure". Perfectionism is very related to this way of thinking. Perfectionists have unrealistically high expectations of themselves and other people.
# Overgeneralisation - A single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career setback, is viewed as a recurrent pattern of defeat. Words such as "always" or "never" tend to crop up here, for example, if a person is rejected by his girlfriend he may think "Just my luck! Women are always dumping me!"
# Mental Filter - A single negative aspect of an event or situation is picked out and dwelt upon, to the exclusion of all other aspects of the event or situation. For example: If you conduct a presentation to a group of people and receive positive feedback from 9 people, and a mildly critical comment from 1 person, you spend days obsessing about the negative comment and ignore the positive feedback.
# Discounting the Positive - You reject positive experiences by insisting that they 'don't count'. For example, if you are congratulated on your presentation you may insist that `anyone could have done that', or say to yourself that you could have done a much better job. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.
# Jumping to Conclusions - Interpreting things in a negative manner even though there is no evidence to support your conclusion. This may involve mind-reading, where, without checking out your facts, you conclude that you know what someone else is thinking about you ("She thinks I'm an idiot"), or fortune-telling, where you predict that things will turn out badly ("This presentation is going to be a disaster").
# Emotional Reasoning - You assume that because you feel bad, the situation must be negative. For example, "I'm really scared to get on a plane, so it must be very dangerous to fly". Or: "I feel guilty. That must mean I'm a rotten person". Or: "I feel inferior. That must mean I'm a second rate person".
# Absolutes, or "Shoulds, Shouldn'ts, Ought To's, & Must's" - You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. For example, a talented musician tells himself he shouldn't have made so many mistakes when playing a song on his guitar. He feels so disgusted in himself that he stops playing for several months. Musts, ought-to's, and have-to's are similar offenders. Such statements tend to lead to negative feelings. Many people try to motivate themselves using should statements ("I should go on a diet, or I shouldn't eat that"), but usually this doesn't work as you get the urge to be rebellious and may do the complete opposite!
# Labeling - This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake", you say "I'm a complete loser". You may label yourself a fool, a failure, a no-hoper. Labeling is irrational, as you are not the same as what you do. Labeling can be applied to other people as well, which unfairly generalizes about the other person in a derogatory way. For example, "My boss is an idiot". These labels are just abstractions that make people feel bad about themselves or others.
# Personalisation and Blame - Personalisation happens when you hold yourself responsible for something that is not entirely under your control. When a father received a report card for his son which was critical of his progress, he told himself "This shows what a bad father I've been". A woman who is beaten by her husband may believe "If I was a better person he wouldn't hit me". People may also blame other people for their problems, for example "I beat my wife because she drives me to it". Blame does not work because it prevents you from taking responsibility for your life.
# Entitlement - When a person assumes that they have the right to have something, simply because they want it. For example, "If someone annoys me I'm entitled to lose my temper with them". Feeling entitled ignores the rights of the other person.
# "Awfulising", or Catastrophic Thinking - This is when people make out situations to be much worse than they actually are, and when they envision the absolute worst case scenario. For example, "It's awful that I have so much work to do, I'm sure that I'm going to do a terrible job and everyone will hate me for it".
# Overgeneralisation - A single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career setback, is viewed as a recurrent pattern of defeat. Words such as "always" or "never" tend to crop up here, for example, if a person is rejected by his girlfriend he may think "Just my luck! Women are always dumping me!"
# Mental Filter - A single negative aspect of an event or situation is picked out and dwelt upon, to the exclusion of all other aspects of the event or situation. For example: If you conduct a presentation to a group of people and receive positive feedback from 9 people, and a mildly critical comment from 1 person, you spend days obsessing about the negative comment and ignore the positive feedback.
# Discounting the Positive - You reject positive experiences by insisting that they 'don't count'. For example, if you are congratulated on your presentation you may insist that `anyone could have done that', or say to yourself that you could have done a much better job. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.
# Jumping to Conclusions - Interpreting things in a negative manner even though there is no evidence to support your conclusion. This may involve mind-reading, where, without checking out your facts, you conclude that you know what someone else is thinking about you ("She thinks I'm an idiot"), or fortune-telling, where you predict that things will turn out badly ("This presentation is going to be a disaster").
# Emotional Reasoning - You assume that because you feel bad, the situation must be negative. For example, "I'm really scared to get on a plane, so it must be very dangerous to fly". Or: "I feel guilty. That must mean I'm a rotten person". Or: "I feel inferior. That must mean I'm a second rate person".
# Absolutes, or "Shoulds, Shouldn'ts, Ought To's, & Must's" - You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. For example, a talented musician tells himself he shouldn't have made so many mistakes when playing a song on his guitar. He feels so disgusted in himself that he stops playing for several months. Musts, ought-to's, and have-to's are similar offenders. Such statements tend to lead to negative feelings. Many people try to motivate themselves using should statements ("I should go on a diet, or I shouldn't eat that"), but usually this doesn't work as you get the urge to be rebellious and may do the complete opposite!
# Labeling - This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake", you say "I'm a complete loser". You may label yourself a fool, a failure, a no-hoper. Labeling is irrational, as you are not the same as what you do. Labeling can be applied to other people as well, which unfairly generalizes about the other person in a derogatory way. For example, "My boss is an idiot". These labels are just abstractions that make people feel bad about themselves or others.
# Personalisation and Blame - Personalisation happens when you hold yourself responsible for something that is not entirely under your control. When a father received a report card for his son which was critical of his progress, he told himself "This shows what a bad father I've been". A woman who is beaten by her husband may believe "If I was a better person he wouldn't hit me". People may also blame other people for their problems, for example "I beat my wife because she drives me to it". Blame does not work because it prevents you from taking responsibility for your life.
# Entitlement - When a person assumes that they have the right to have something, simply because they want it. For example, "If someone annoys me I'm entitled to lose my temper with them". Feeling entitled ignores the rights of the other person.
# "Awfulising", or Catastrophic Thinking - This is when people make out situations to be much worse than they actually are, and when they envision the absolute worst case scenario. For example, "It's awful that I have so much work to do, I'm sure that I'm going to do a terrible job and everyone will hate me for it".
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Me too, Jenny, so you are not alone!!! I didn't post this to punish anyone
Try that MoodGym website - it really is very helpful. (diclaimer: I have no connection to it, I just think it is a great resource).
Try that MoodGym website - it really is very helpful. (diclaimer: I have no connection to it, I just think it is a great resource).
I think you are much too hard on yourself. Maybe you could try looking at it from another angle?
I can say with confidence that I suffered from all these patterns, and still do from time to time. I don’t believe this is limited to codependents, and in fact see signs of distorted thinking everywhere I look. It seems rampant in our society.
I can’t recall exactly the point, but somewhere along the road of recovery, I stopped thinking of myself as “deficient” striving to be “normal,” and starting seeing myself as “normal” striving to be “enlightened.” I can’t count how many times on this board I have seen people rationalize or justify by using the word “normal.” Claiming that their behaviors cannot be unhealthy, since they are just doing what “any normal person would do.” At some point, after I let go of my obsession with the alcoholic, and my obsession with how things should be, I began to notice that most of the people around me were not healthy either, lol. I remember having to share that I was going to therapy with some of my colleagues because I had to leave early once a week to get to my appointment. The words they were saying were “good for you for getting help working through your issues,” but the underlying attitude was “man, I’m glad I’m not so messed up that I need therapy.” The funny thing is, they would probably benefit from it!
I don’t believe proximity to an alcoholic creates codependence, unhealthy behavior, distorted thinking, or whatever you want to call it. I believe it is ingrained in us by our environment, society, marketing, stereotypes, etc. Having a relationship with an alcoholic merely exacerbates and magnifies the stuff that is already there in most people. And, in a weird way, I think those of us who reach the point of unmanageable with an alcoholic are in some ways very lucky because we are forced to look at our distorted thinking, while most people never are.
L
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Great post, LTD.
Your comments about "normal" reminded me of something I was reading about confirmation bias. It was in the context of the political blogosphere, however I think it is all part of the human experience. Birds of a feather and all that, but there is a danger of one's world being viewed with one mindset alone and for that mindset to be reinforced and unchallenged. I think that the thought process is well-covered by the list up there.
The other thing I have been reading about is cognitive dissonance i.e. the uncomfortable feeling of holding two opposing thoughts simultaneously. For example, the desire to have a happy, healthy relationship yet being with an abusive spouse. Because humans have a great drive to minimise this dissonance, denial, justification, rationalization, blame and judgment come into play. Fascinating stuff.
Your comments about "normal" reminded me of something I was reading about confirmation bias. It was in the context of the political blogosphere, however I think it is all part of the human experience. Birds of a feather and all that, but there is a danger of one's world being viewed with one mindset alone and for that mindset to be reinforced and unchallenged. I think that the thought process is well-covered by the list up there.
The other thing I have been reading about is cognitive dissonance i.e. the uncomfortable feeling of holding two opposing thoughts simultaneously. For example, the desire to have a happy, healthy relationship yet being with an abusive spouse. Because humans have a great drive to minimise this dissonance, denial, justification, rationalization, blame and judgment come into play. Fascinating stuff.
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