Why he picked up drinking again?
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
Why he picked up drinking again?
Hello, I'm a proud member of this community for almost two years now and I have to thank you all because without you I don't think i would have achieved the 14 months of sobriety I have now.
I write here on the behalf of a good friend of mine who does not speak english: we were very close in the past but then she started a relationship and we gradually began to see less often, she knows everything about my past with booze and so she turned to me for help when this problem occurred.
Basically she had been with this guy for almost five years and one month ago she finally decided she wanted to break-up because he was too possesive and keeping her almost tied to him and only him. She could not go out with friends anymore nor she could have a life outside of the relationship with him.
He told her he had alchool and drug problems in the past but that he quitted drinking and drugging just before meeting her (smells fishy to me) except for dope that he used daily troughout all these five years they spent together.
After she left him he picked up drinking and drugging again and he's now blaming her for this (trough dreadful messages on the phone and e-mails), she has no intention to get back to him but she feels guilty in some way and she's sad for him, what is the best I can tell her to make her understand the reality of things and not feel guilty anymore?
Thanks a lot in advance!!!
I write here on the behalf of a good friend of mine who does not speak english: we were very close in the past but then she started a relationship and we gradually began to see less often, she knows everything about my past with booze and so she turned to me for help when this problem occurred.
Basically she had been with this guy for almost five years and one month ago she finally decided she wanted to break-up because he was too possesive and keeping her almost tied to him and only him. She could not go out with friends anymore nor she could have a life outside of the relationship with him.
He told her he had alchool and drug problems in the past but that he quitted drinking and drugging just before meeting her (smells fishy to me) except for dope that he used daily troughout all these five years they spent together.
After she left him he picked up drinking and drugging again and he's now blaming her for this (trough dreadful messages on the phone and e-mails), she has no intention to get back to him but she feels guilty in some way and she's sad for him, what is the best I can tell her to make her understand the reality of things and not feel guilty anymore?
Thanks a lot in advance!!!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Yes, remind her of the three C's:
She did not Cause it
She could not Control it
She can not Cure it
She didn't stand over him and pour alcohol down his throat, right?
She didn't run to the store and spend his paycheck on booze and drugs, right?
He is doing what most active alcoholics will do: blame-shifting, deny-ing, lying, manipulating. In a nut shell: not accepting responsiblity for his own poor choices.
We refer to that behavior as alcoholic quacking. Just picture a big white duck: quack, quack, quack.
We would also recommend going No Contact. Delete texts and emails-unread. Do not accept calls, and block the number if necessary.
She did not Cause it
She could not Control it
She can not Cure it
She didn't stand over him and pour alcohol down his throat, right?
She didn't run to the store and spend his paycheck on booze and drugs, right?
He is doing what most active alcoholics will do: blame-shifting, deny-ing, lying, manipulating. In a nut shell: not accepting responsiblity for his own poor choices.
We refer to that behavior as alcoholic quacking. Just picture a big white duck: quack, quack, quack.
We would also recommend going No Contact. Delete texts and emails-unread. Do not accept calls, and block the number if necessary.
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