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No more waiting to exhale

Old 10-19-2010, 07:50 PM
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No more waiting to exhale

Here's the deal: AH had completed 30 days rehab. His parole transfer had been approved. I booked him a flight this morning. Within the hour, he called me and he was ****-faced. I canceled the flight. I am admit I had support and assurance he would be taken to a detox facility. This from the owner of the sober living where he has been staying. Part of my heart is heavy -- the rest is light as a feather.

Isn't it amazing how suddenly a wife becomes a bitch and other obscenities? Just this morning, all he wanted was to be with me and be the husband I deserve. Because he loves me sooooooo much. I thank all of you for the many posts I have read -- for providing the exercise in sane thinking I get from this forum.
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Old 10-19-2010, 07:58 PM
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Oh Daybreak, how I wish this was a big surprise and shock, but it isn't cause it has happened so often before. I went from sweetheart to sh*t head at the speed of light, so I know where you are coming from, and hopefully where you are going......away from the name calling and chaos of addiction.

May you heavy bit of heart, join the light part and be wholly happy again.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:16 PM
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I'm so sorry. I'm new to this so all I can say is that I hope you take care of YOU. Not him, YOU. You can only help yourself to a better place.
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Old 10-19-2010, 08:43 PM
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JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will lean something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

reprinted with permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA


:ghug3
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Old 10-19-2010, 09:13 PM
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His choices, his consequences.

Sometimes they just make it so easy to look the other way.

I mean really, what' he thinkin'. Why worry about all those pesky tools for recovery that rehab teaches. Just get drunk before you even get on the plane back home. You can always blame the wife. It's her fault, right??

Good for you for seeing the insanity is all his and only affects you if you let it!!

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Old 10-20-2010, 01:47 AM
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I'm so glad you're all here. I don't know when I've felt so relieved and bereaved at the same time. But -- everything is going to get better now -- for me. I don't even feel the pull of compassion for him that I've felt for so long.
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Old 10-20-2010, 02:17 AM
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good for you for cancelling the flight!

now you can return to your peace.

you might want to take some steps to block his calls and keep your peace and quiet. i would imagine he will begin to call you incessently. i changed my phone number...that worked quite well for me.

stay strong!

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Old 10-20-2010, 04:41 AM
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I took my XAH to two treatment centers. He lasted 3 days each time. I drove 100 miles to get him (shouldn't have) and by the time I got there he was passed out in a hotel so smashed he didn't hear me knock on the door. He had enough booze to stay drunk for a week. I think my X will die of this disease. I do not see surrender in his future. But I did surrender. I let go. I read on SR to "let go or be dragged."
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Old 10-20-2010, 06:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Daybreak View Post
Isn't it amazing how suddenly a wife becomes a bitch and other obscenities? Just this morning, all he wanted was to be with me and be the husband I deserve. Because he loves me sooooooo much.

Remember, BITCH stands for Being In Total Control of Herself. Next time he calls you that, say thank you.
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Old 10-20-2010, 08:20 AM
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After lurking awhile again now, I finally have to post and thank acdirito for the Just for Today post. My copy of Courage to Change, mysteriously disappeared a while ago and it had my Just for Today card in it.
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Old 10-20-2010, 08:59 AM
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I really like the Just for Today list, too. Barring a miracle, my husband will indeed die of this disease. And, yes, it looks like a new phone number will be necessary. Gotta line up some ducks first because I'm trying to snag a travel assignment.

Let go or be dragged is great -- because it's pithy! -- easy to say as soon as you start to feel the sheering force in your core being. Love to all of you from The B.
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