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I stink at being dettached.

Old 10-19-2010, 11:35 AM
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Unhappy I stink at being dettached.

my husband been home 2 weeks now from rehab, he went thru 2 days off work and he survived it with out a drop. days like that makes you feel it's going be ok but then not sure what happen. not sure if missing one dose of med set this attitude off or maybe he's not getting enough sleep, or if it was one bad day at work that well brought the @$$ out of him. sunday he stop for short visit with his mom who always gives him money it's like she pays him just for him to visit, but she told him that his cusin sent her love. this is a cusin who allowed him to drink himself to pass out and buddies with his female and well harrassed me when he went into rehab. so she one of those that need to be left out of his life and at same time his mother is just another trigger piont, too. monday his ride is 15 min late he's ill and hateful all day long i had supper ready for when he got home and i had to take my son to collage stuff but my husband made it in 20 min before we had to leave and decided not to join us and i ask to fix his plate and he said no. and here it goes while i was with my son the txt start fling in on how i didn't make his plate, how he wanted to goto a meeting (and there wasn't one) and how he needed a wife and just on and on. and i done very well on not allowing it to get to me. then i had fuss with him on to take his med's and i thought it be better this morning. Wrong. I hear on the radio my old nieghbor had passed away someone he even knows and worked with at the saw mill. and i get the same attitude, even says i not going one your old **** buddie funeral. this man was old enough be my dad him and his wife were good nieghbors and kids just loved them. and all this attitude finally got to me and i cried for hours till my body just in shakes with my nerves just up. yes i failed i allowed him to totally stress me out... he sounds like the drunk but not to took a drink but i feel his mind is telling him too... i want to throw the towel in and walk away and i know that is not what dettaching means. i'm so angry with him on the words he used and now wondering was i wrong to think his drinking what made him into the @$$ or is he just that way naturally. he takes med's for depression and sleep and short fuss. kinda all of them have something to do with bi-polar. i really just wanted to vent this out to people understand what it is like to live with this desease. and part of me wonders if i will be the one being pushed to drink...
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Old 10-19-2010, 11:36 AM
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my spelling stinks
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Old 10-19-2010, 12:13 PM
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Detaching does not mean tolerating intolerable behavior.

The drinking is only a symptom of the disease.

Only you can decide what you will and won't put up with, hon.

I no longer have men in my life who are abusive in any sense of the word, including spewing verbal garbage like your husband dished out to you.
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Old 10-19-2010, 03:04 PM
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Detachment doesn't mean letting someone treat us badly and ignoring it.

And, yes, sometimes detachment means physically detaching ourselves..as in leaving.

I agree with Freedom.
That is abuse, drink or no drink.

I have bipolar disorder also...I am responsible for taking my meds and it is the most important thing I do each morning and etc.
Having bipolar is no excuse for bad behavior either.
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by nahade View Post
. not sure if missing one dose of med set this attitude off or maybe he's not getting enough sleep, or if it was one bad day at work that well brought the @$$ out of him.
OR maybe this is just how he is sober or drunk. This may be as good as it gets for him.

Wondering why he is acting this way is not going to fix him.

What is your definition of detachment?

What do you think detachment should look like?
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Old 10-19-2010, 09:47 PM
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Drunken offensive and abusive a*sehole, or sober, offensive and abusive a*sehole, it does not matter honey, either way this man is just an offensive and abusive a*sehole.

I have 3 men in my unit complex who are bi-polar, and tho at times they each can do some funny things, they sure don't act badly to their wives as AH does to you.

Do you see him acting better to you at sometime, if he stays sober?
Do you want to listen to this rubbish from him, if he is drinking or sober?

Detaching, is not my idea of a long term way of life, is it yours?

If you want not to have this in your life, you may have to think about leaving him or asking him to go away, because it doesn't look like he is doing much to recover.
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