So confused
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Unfortunately I don't find the webpage but yesterday I read a sign of codependence is "overextended, intense longing" and that is what I am living. It said codependents didn't relate to both or either one of the parents and have a HUGE emotional void. Wow, is that me.
It made me feel better because what tortures me is the illusion that I lost this great person. IT could have been anybody really! just like with them, they would have treated any other "partner" the same way, its who they are . So I feel hopeful this is just my history and psychology, in reality this ex was no different than any other nor anything special. YAY!!
Well just my thoughts today.
What I wanted to say is that its on us to fill that "emotional void"- staying true to myself is key.. for instance my therapist asked me to accept every single invitation I got... but one was from coworkers and Guess Who is invited, so in this case its better to stay at home and do nothing... and sometimes you are staying home and doing nothing but in reality its fear because you don't want to put yourself out there and do something new that will ultimately work to your advantage (like a walk on the park or coffee with a friend or a cooking class, etc)....
Its a complicated matter but only you know what works best to fill that void. A woman can live a "wild rich life" and feel totally empty regardless of "how successful" she is for OTHERS, and another one can work, wash the dishes and sleep and it doesn't mean she is not spiritually fulfilled. Its an inner journey... and tricky business for me too!! but finding that out is much better than being dragged by someone else. Its like learning to drive manual gear, ok, it will be really bad at first but what is important is that YOU are driving now!!! you are no longer in the passenger seat...
OK I am done with my "analogies" lol
It made me feel better because what tortures me is the illusion that I lost this great person. IT could have been anybody really! just like with them, they would have treated any other "partner" the same way, its who they are . So I feel hopeful this is just my history and psychology, in reality this ex was no different than any other nor anything special. YAY!!
Well just my thoughts today.
What I wanted to say is that its on us to fill that "emotional void"- staying true to myself is key.. for instance my therapist asked me to accept every single invitation I got... but one was from coworkers and Guess Who is invited, so in this case its better to stay at home and do nothing... and sometimes you are staying home and doing nothing but in reality its fear because you don't want to put yourself out there and do something new that will ultimately work to your advantage (like a walk on the park or coffee with a friend or a cooking class, etc)....
Its a complicated matter but only you know what works best to fill that void. A woman can live a "wild rich life" and feel totally empty regardless of "how successful" she is for OTHERS, and another one can work, wash the dishes and sleep and it doesn't mean she is not spiritually fulfilled. Its an inner journey... and tricky business for me too!! but finding that out is much better than being dragged by someone else. Its like learning to drive manual gear, ok, it will be really bad at first but what is important is that YOU are driving now!!! you are no longer in the passenger seat...
OK I am done with my "analogies" lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hi again,
I have been having sleeping issues for weeks now and today it really hit me. I talked to some friends about my work stress and they helped me come up with a temporary solution. My doc gave me something new for anxiety and that seems to be working well. Lets see if the sleep stuff for later works.I do need my sleep.
As quickly as my A came into my life I think he is gone again. It was great to be able to come here and voice my inner fears and what I thought and I turned out to be right. I am certain the girlfriend took hm back or there is someone new as I havent been hearing from him and this is ok..It doesnt upset me anymore or anything I just see him for what he is. And as everyone here helped me to see, my inner voice is usually right. Its ok I broke NC for a bit. I really did get something out of it and it was helpful I had many months to be myself again because this made me more clear minded this time around.
Yes, the reality is I am getting divorced. That is true. But its a blessing. Maybe now I can focus on the other stressors in my life so I can work on them and live a nice life again..That means making some changes at work next. I want to go back to school again but I cant with work making m so exhuatsed and anxious at the same time. I need changes to this. I will talk to my work tomorrow and if not I will put in for a transfer. Life is short and I have been living in this frazzled state for a while. Time to move on..
Hugs
Lulu
I have been having sleeping issues for weeks now and today it really hit me. I talked to some friends about my work stress and they helped me come up with a temporary solution. My doc gave me something new for anxiety and that seems to be working well. Lets see if the sleep stuff for later works.I do need my sleep.
As quickly as my A came into my life I think he is gone again. It was great to be able to come here and voice my inner fears and what I thought and I turned out to be right. I am certain the girlfriend took hm back or there is someone new as I havent been hearing from him and this is ok..It doesnt upset me anymore or anything I just see him for what he is. And as everyone here helped me to see, my inner voice is usually right. Its ok I broke NC for a bit. I really did get something out of it and it was helpful I had many months to be myself again because this made me more clear minded this time around.
Yes, the reality is I am getting divorced. That is true. But its a blessing. Maybe now I can focus on the other stressors in my life so I can work on them and live a nice life again..That means making some changes at work next. I want to go back to school again but I cant with work making m so exhuatsed and anxious at the same time. I need changes to this. I will talk to my work tomorrow and if not I will put in for a transfer. Life is short and I have been living in this frazzled state for a while. Time to move on..
Hugs
Lulu
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