akrasia

Hi everyone,

So Mr. is home. He came home the night before last, was still drinking yesterday, and is sobering up/detoxing today. He's all shaky and sweaty. This is usually what he does when he detoxes: he just pours away the alcohol and white-knuckles it.

He's tried to tell me how sorry he is, and I've told him to just focus on detoxing and getting well. I know yesterday (while I was at work), his counselor stopped by.

After holding it together for the last six days I admit that the primary feeling I have today is relief. My whole body has relaxed, last night I had a full night's sleep, and I'm eating a lot to make up for fasting these last few days!

I know we have to have "the talk" and I don't want to right now. Not when he's still detoxing, not when I'm just sort of stunned. I'm wondering if we could have a talk with his counsellor, might be easier to talk about with an intermediary party there.

I'm just thinking: I know he didn't just run off for fun. He said he was suddenly just overcome with panic. On the other hand, I can't live the rest of my life wondering when that'll happen again. I can't go through it again. So how to move forward?

So that's where we're up to.

Thanks again all you kind people.

Still Waters

An intermediary sounds like an excellent idea.

Bernadette

Is your apartment ready to go?

Do you have a little plan broken down into small steps?

I like the intermediary idea too.

Peace-
B

Carol Star

I wonder how he can safely detox himself?

naive

akrasia-

i hope you go thru with your own apartment and take the time to heal yourself.

you deserve it!

even if you get your own apartment, your man is free to pursue recovery...or drinking...or whatever it is he wants to do.

what do you want for your life?

naive

boskerbear

I finally had a great nights sleep too and eating again is a bonus...doesnt it feel wonderful?

My guy would take off too, no clue where on earth he would go, told me he would go think (probably more like drink) down by the river....i always worried he would just slip in and the current would drag him away Now that i'm away from him I dont have to wait for him to come home, its kinda nice.

Best of luck to you

nodaybut2day

How are you today Akrasia?

Daybreak

Sad to know you are going through this again. The phrase "detachment with love" rolls trippingly from the tongue, but it's way harder to do it. Especially when, as you obviously do, you still love the one you need to detach from. Will say a little prayer for clear thinking and conviction about moving forward.

skippernlilg

I told my RABF that I could more easily love him from afar than watch his train wreck. I asked him if he'd rather I just loved him easily and freely or if he'd like it if I gritted my teeth through it.

coyote21

Wow, that's pretty powerful and straight up. I'm curious what his response was to such an honest question?

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

akrasia

Hi all,

I suppose next week I'll hear whether my application for the apartment went through.

Mr. is doing better. Physical detox near complete. He feels ashamed and stunned. He's apologised to me several times but I've told him "Let's just move forward."

So this week sometime I'll have to have the "what does moving forward look like?" talk with him.