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Just some thoughts about where I am at.

Old 09-20-2010, 04:54 AM
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Just some thoughts about where I am at.

I have been separated from AH just over a month and do not have any intentions of reuiniting with him. ... so here is where I am now

I grieve for the loss of my marriage but I do not miss that man
I hurt for the shattered dreams but I embrace the absence of drama
I question the things I have done but I no longer analyse the things he has said or done
I forgive myself for reacting to his behaviour and I forgive him for being an alcoholic
I take each day as it comes and I deal with each wave of emotion on its own merit
I still feel frightened of the future but I remember that there are worse things than being alone
I do things for me
I do not expect to be happy - yet sometimes happiness drops by for a while. The rest of the time I move between sadness and serenity.

I am starting to gain a concept of a higher power though I have been an atheist for years - but I keep finding myself saying lines from here to myself when my mind starts down a train of thought that leads me to AH.
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Old 09-20-2010, 10:41 AM
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it sounds like you are making great progress and i am thankful that you shared that. It is helpful for me to see the words. I am about to embark down the same road and i am already mourning hte loss of my long term marriage but excited to live in peace and with only myself to worry about. you are a great power of example to me and i thank you for that!
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:58 AM
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Thank you for the post. I will print them and keep them on my fridge. The time comes when we stop feeling less hurt and feeling more peace in our hearts. I do too move between serenity and sadness, but now most of the pain is gone. There is more acceptance to the fact that my other half and I never had a chance because of her drug of choice (prescribed or not). She is 90 days sober and wish the best to her. I wish her well. Life goes on.
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Old 09-20-2010, 12:26 PM
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@missphit...read your avatar! it says it all...What matters most IS how you SEE yourself...


@free....congrats
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:09 PM
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I cried today and I don't really even know why. I wasn't because I miss him or because I want him back in my life. Maybe its relief, maybe its just that my eyes needed cleaning. Mostly I think its fear. I am still scared of what is out there for my future but thats not as scary as where the future was heading for me and my children if I stayed in that relationship.
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Old 09-20-2010, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by missphit View Post
it sounds like you are making great progress and i am thankful that you shared that. It is helpful for me to see the words. I am about to embark down the same road and i am already mourning hte loss of my long term marriage but excited to live in peace and with only myself to worry about. you are a great power of example to me and i thank you for that!
Missphit - I am glad you feel that way. I will be excited to see how it progresses for you.
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Old 09-20-2010, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by freebuthurting View Post
I think its fear
aah FEAR of the unknown...but that is all good in my books..you know why? because I can change that FEAR into a comfortable LIFE for ME and my children....LET GO AND LET GOD...and TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...please go and read my blogs on the SLOGANS of AL ANON...and of course the SERINITY PRAYER is there too...( I slowly add the slogans into my blog..)

enjoy them...read them...
P.S the feelings you have...are all NORMAL...
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:14 PM
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I have been holding the serenity prayer in my head for weeks now.
I have found it really really helpful. I will go and look ater your blogs too.
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Old 09-21-2010, 10:20 AM
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the serenity prayer is becoming a ritual for me now! i find myself crying here and there, but in a cleansing sorta way, right now....it feels okay, though sad, it is my release from the chains i've put on myself....oh, i just can't wait to be free! thank you for being ahead of me....it is such help, you have no idea!
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Old 09-21-2010, 10:23 AM
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Heaven is waiting - but waiting is Hell.
Not long now.
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:38 PM
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thanks, i LOVE that saying!!!
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