faye1218

Well after hitting an ultimate low, my mom is now in Detox for her alcoholism. For the last 15 years she has gradually abused alcohol to the point where she has almost lost everything in her life - her job, all material possessions, her home, and a lot of her family and friends. I feel like my mom is dead because alcohol has destroyed her life and I no longer recognize the person she is.

I have feelings of guilt that I allowed her to get to this point, when I know I shouldn't because I know its not my fault. But I can't get these feelings out of my mind - a couple of months back I had to cut her out of my life as an ultimatum - I have been hurt too many times and I wasn't willing to let her hurt me again. I ignored her phone calls and messages because everytime she called I could tell she was drunk. I know she was lonely, however, I felt I was enabling her to continue with her habit by allowing her to be around me that way. 3 days ago I got a call from my aunt (her sister), her informed me that my mother was homeless, had gotten a DUI and her car was impounded. My mom lied to me because she didn't want to let me down and although I knew she had a problem with alcohol, I never knew it was as bad as it was. All she had on her was all of her valuable jewelry that she was getting ready to pawn. 3 days ago, my mom hit the lowest she has ever been in her life and decided to try to turn her life around by going into detox.
I was so happy to hear she was willing to try to clean herself up.

I am so afraid that my mom will relapse when she gets out of detox...we are hoping she will move forward with an in house recovery program that her insurance will cover a good portion of - but not all of. The family is willing to pay for the portion that insurance won't cover because we want to see her get better. I know I can't make my mom do anything she doesn't want to do or isn't ready to do, but I want to do the best on my end to provide whatever support she needs to succeed.

Whatever advice any of you may have would be appreciated as far as anything I might be able to do to encourage my mom to keep moving forward. I really do want my mom back!

Lenina

faye,

Please don't feel guilty. I know that's a big order but you didn't cause this.

I'm glad your mom is in detox where she can get some help for alcoholism. It's possible the detox may have some advice and suggestions as to rehab and a sober living situation for her.

It's a shame that some of us alcoholics have to lose so much to get to sobriey but we can and do rebuild our lives.

You might want to check out Alanon for support for yourself. I can only imagine how shocked you must be and they can help you.

I'll keep your Mom and you in my thoughts. Please post her and your progress.

Love,

Lenina

barb dwyer

Hi faye -

I agree with Lenina.

And if I missed your first posts -
forgive me welcoming you to SR again...

blame my poor memory.

I hope you'll keep us updated on your and her progress.

Suzie12

Your mom has got the support from you and the family now, that will go a long way in helping her to recover.

Dont ever feel that any of it is your fault hun, we all make our own decisions and sadly your mom chose to drink.

I really wish her, you and your family the very best and hope she sticks with it.

Good luck

Suzie x

Learn2Live

I can relate faye. My Dad is horribly alcoholic. We have no life with him either. I recommend going to Al-Anon and taking the BEST care of yourself that you possibly can. It sounds like you have gotten some emotional distance from your Mom in the past. I recommend maintaining that too. (((hugs)))

faye1218

Thank you for your replies...

My husband doesn't seem to understand that supporting my mom is the right thing to do right now. He has seen how she has hurt me in the past and is afraid that it will happen again. He thinks because she has done this to herself, that she needs to figure this out on her own. I'm just irritated with him at this point - because he doesn't understand how alcoholism affects people. I wish he would understand so he could at least support me thru this - I'm an emotional wreck.

I'm thankful to have found this board for support.

laurie6781

Actually he is correct. You cannot help her. Remember the 3 C's

You didn't CAUSE this.

You can't CONTROL this.

You can't CURE this.

As an alcoholic in recovery for many many years now, I can tell you that the onus is on your mother. She has to do this one by herself. If she wants recovery she will be working very hard on herself and needs to do this for herself.

Please check out at least 6 different meetings of Al-Anon. I do believe you will get a whole new perspective.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,