transformyself

I think that journey from abandonment to healing book is really helping.

AH is drinking all of the time, I learned today by spending the day with him and the kids. I"m going to have to keep them with me from now on. That'll be interesting, since he's on another rant about how detached I am from the kids, I don't help him with anything, and the kids suffer because of me. He alternates that with admitting how he doesn't feel normal unless he's drinking,

I don't care. I'm not even mad. All the stuff he says to me just doesn't effect me right now. I just want to take care of my kids. I'm just trying to stratigize. I even told him I was sorry tonight to shut him up, which worked, but I have NEVER done that. I always argue my point. I just don't give a crap what he says, I have to get the kids away from him.

My first choice is to do it with his understanding and compliance. He's admitting he's drinking all the time and says he's going to go to AA, get treatment, whatever. All I know is that they can't be with him when he's drinking, and he is.

So that'll take some time, but if he doesn't cooperate, I'll lawyer up right away. The county we live in won't tolerate drunkeness and all they have to do is take a blood alcohol level AT ANY TIME and see for themselves what he's doing.

wicked

Yes, and that sucks for you. You will need all your strength for this transform, but I know you can do it. I found out much later the crazy things my addicted ex was saying to my young children. Justifying, minimizing, rationalizing his use while demonizing my depression and telling them I made it up so I could be lazy. What a maroon!

Oh, if he doesnt want to play nice, then definitely go this route. I dont know if you read about my last night of drinking, but 4 hours after my last drink, my BAC was .27!
I was absolutely rational and having a conversation with the MPs who brought me down to the hospital to have my blood drawn. Alcoholics might be able to talk themselves out of some trouble, but you can't argue with the science! LOL

Do what ya gotta do, and you know you can do it!

Beth

transformyself

Thanks Beth

Can I just say the benefits of reading and practicing the excercises in this book are AMAZING!

Because I no longer have that hook, that abandonment hot button to get pushed and make me crazy, today I was able to:

ignore AH while he ranted at me about how unreliable I am
focus ENTIRELY on my children on their first day of school to help them be as calm and together as possible while their stupid ******* father acted like an idiot
which, in turn, calmed stupid ******* father down so he could behave like a good parent and support his kids too
listened to him apologize profusely about his behavior without giving a rats ass
verbalized the new boundaries
ensured him, nice like, that I would hold these boundaries with him and encouraged him to respect them or he wouldn't see his children at all.

Friends, I usually panic when he starts making threats. Last night he said he was going to stop giving me any money, move into the house next to me, bla bla bla.

I just said, you dont' want to **** with me because I'll call the police and have them give you a breathalizer right now.

I have never said that to him. I was totally serious. If he ***** with me, the gloves are off. And I"m not doing it out of anger, really. I'm doing it because my children need a parent to protect them

I have gradually, since in left him a year ago, been able to increasingly see my children more. Care for them better. Not be so obssessed with AH that I can be a better parent.

And this is the final thing I needed to unplug those electric shocks to my body-heal my abandonment issues.

I think I really am free. I think it's healing my PTSD. I think I can finally, in a good way, do whatever is necessary to help my children.

And that's the most important thing. Ever.

JenT1968

my stbx drinks all the time too. he has given up trying to have the children on his own, because I have held that boundary absolutely firm no matter what.

You are absolutely brilliant, never forget that.

transformyself

Oh Jen thank you!!
even though I can't spell properly? And swear like a sailor?

JenT1968

properly shmoperly; embrace your idiosyncratic, rebellious spelling style, and swear words are just words, sometimes they are the best fit for the situation

barb dwyer