Got sucked in again....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 132
Got sucked in again....
It's been quite a long time since I was here.
I was involved with an alcoholic for almost 5 years. He cheated on me, lied to me constantly, and I always took him back.
About a year ago, he got sober. Three months into his sobriety, he dumped me, for the umpteenth time, for a woman who he had cheated on me with in the past. That was New Year's Day, 2010.
After months of soul searching, reading, journalling and reading the posts on this site, I finally started to feel good about myself.
Then, out of the blue on July 9th, my ex called me at work. He wanted to see me. I said no. He called me later that day and asked again if he could see me. He wanted to talk, wanted to apologize, wanted to get some things off his chest.
Yes people. You know what happened. I said yes. He took me out for dinner. He looked so different - he's lost about 50 pounds. He acted so differently too - he was engaging and attentive; he was interested in what I talked about. I thought it was a pleasant night and decided I wouldn't see him again (I think he's too skinny now - he was more attractive to me with the extra pounds). Then, a few days later, he sent me this incredibly mushy email in which he said how wonderful I've always made him feel. Then, the next day, I received a birthday card by mail from him (he completely forgot my birthday in July 2009). It was a romantic, beautiful card in which he wrote some beautiful sentiments. I didn't know what to think. He called me that weekend and asked to see me. Of course, like a complete fool, I got caught up in it. He said he loved me; he said (through tears) that he realized how much he hurt me and took me for granted and that he'd never do that again.
Fast forward 6 weeks - I catch him in a couple of silly lies. I freak. He admits he's seeing other women - one in particular, since June 29th. He told me that we have so much bad history between us, he didn't think we'd ever be able to make things work; plus, my family hates him (well - that's sort of true). He told me that he ultimately needs to be with a woman who isn't part of his drinking past, who didn't know him 'back then'.
Here's the terrible part. He told me her first name and occupation. I googled her. I found her. Then I sent him a text with her name and phone # (it was a threat - I admit it) and the next morning, he called me and told me if I dared to tell her anything, he'd exact revenge on me. Funny thing is, I never would contact her. I just wanted to make him sweat. And boy - did he. He is very worried that I'll tell her that he was with both of us all summer. Part of me wants to tell her - but there's no point. She'll just think I'm some freak. Am I a psycho?
I feel so awful. I felt like I'd really made some progress with my own recovery and then, like a complete fool, I run back to him. Why can't I get it into my head that he just doesn't care about me?
Feeling pretty low today...
I was involved with an alcoholic for almost 5 years. He cheated on me, lied to me constantly, and I always took him back.
About a year ago, he got sober. Three months into his sobriety, he dumped me, for the umpteenth time, for a woman who he had cheated on me with in the past. That was New Year's Day, 2010.
After months of soul searching, reading, journalling and reading the posts on this site, I finally started to feel good about myself.
Then, out of the blue on July 9th, my ex called me at work. He wanted to see me. I said no. He called me later that day and asked again if he could see me. He wanted to talk, wanted to apologize, wanted to get some things off his chest.
Yes people. You know what happened. I said yes. He took me out for dinner. He looked so different - he's lost about 50 pounds. He acted so differently too - he was engaging and attentive; he was interested in what I talked about. I thought it was a pleasant night and decided I wouldn't see him again (I think he's too skinny now - he was more attractive to me with the extra pounds). Then, a few days later, he sent me this incredibly mushy email in which he said how wonderful I've always made him feel. Then, the next day, I received a birthday card by mail from him (he completely forgot my birthday in July 2009). It was a romantic, beautiful card in which he wrote some beautiful sentiments. I didn't know what to think. He called me that weekend and asked to see me. Of course, like a complete fool, I got caught up in it. He said he loved me; he said (through tears) that he realized how much he hurt me and took me for granted and that he'd never do that again.
Fast forward 6 weeks - I catch him in a couple of silly lies. I freak. He admits he's seeing other women - one in particular, since June 29th. He told me that we have so much bad history between us, he didn't think we'd ever be able to make things work; plus, my family hates him (well - that's sort of true). He told me that he ultimately needs to be with a woman who isn't part of his drinking past, who didn't know him 'back then'.
Here's the terrible part. He told me her first name and occupation. I googled her. I found her. Then I sent him a text with her name and phone # (it was a threat - I admit it) and the next morning, he called me and told me if I dared to tell her anything, he'd exact revenge on me. Funny thing is, I never would contact her. I just wanted to make him sweat. And boy - did he. He is very worried that I'll tell her that he was with both of us all summer. Part of me wants to tell her - but there's no point. She'll just think I'm some freak. Am I a psycho?
I feel so awful. I felt like I'd really made some progress with my own recovery and then, like a complete fool, I run back to him. Why can't I get it into my head that he just doesn't care about me?
Feeling pretty low today...
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Sorry, sounds like there was trouble with his current victim and that's why he was restarting his relationship with you, JIC. Now things must be all rosey with that poor girl he is conning now.
Very childish want you did, it was a mistake, now concentrate on doing the right thing for you. No more games.
You will be fine, NC, move on with your life and leave that loser in your dust.
Sending you hugs,
Very childish want you did, it was a mistake, now concentrate on doing the right thing for you. No more games.
You will be fine, NC, move on with your life and leave that loser in your dust.
Sending you hugs,
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
So sorry to hear that you got sucked back in. You got over him once and you can do it again. If anything, you have more proof now of what a scuzball he really is. You deserve better but you won't find it if you keep your emotions tied up with this jerk. Let him go.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 182
You made some mistakes it sounds like. Forgive yourself. Your value system is intact and your recovery can start anew. Going back wards does not in any way mean you have failed. No contact and start fresh. Take your lessons and get away from this toxic man. You are worth much better. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 103
I agree with Suki! Time to let him go, for good.
You proved to yourself that you were strong enough to manage on your own, before he contacted you this summer and turned your life upside down.
You can do it again, and you will be stronger this time because you now know you can't trust him. Period.
You proved to yourself that you were strong enough to manage on your own, before he contacted you this summer and turned your life upside down.
You can do it again, and you will be stronger this time because you now know you can't trust him. Period.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by groybin 
The next time he calls you at work, just hang up
You know, A's are the ultimate actors aren't they? They can lie, cajole, fake tears, it's amazing.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Please do not beat yourself up, Bumbling. We trust because we love, and cannot believe that others can do the things they do to hurt us. But, as the saying goes, we repeat our lessons until we get them right. So, on you go, to a better, and healthier life without him. I am happy for you. Let it be done. You will be fine.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
There's this song I was thinking about while reading this thread -=
it's got a line in it that says " OOOhhh well ... there goes the fairy tale "
the song is off the 'Pulp Fiction' soundtrack
called
"If love is a red dress, then hang me in rags."
codie theme song if ever there was one.
Had a religious experience to that song once.
Look it up - it'd be a good one while you're throwing his struff out the window.
it's got a line in it that says " OOOhhh well ... there goes the fairy tale "
the song is off the 'Pulp Fiction' soundtrack
called
"If love is a red dress, then hang me in rags."
codie theme song if ever there was one.
Had a religious experience to that song once.
Look it up - it'd be a good one while you're throwing his struff out the window.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
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