transformyself

This last week was very tough for me. I work with traumatized folks, right after the events, and there were several this week that are compounded by the death of one of the victims. Just interviewing and listening to these folks is very triggery, but it's why I do what I do- to put an end to the violence.


My kids are going back to school and I'm both sad and relieved.
I"m moving my 12 year old from the sweet, gentle, dinky charter school he's gone to his entire life to a public school that has hot lunches, a basketball team and gym every day. I'm afraid for him but not letting it show.

My littlest guy has a very hard time with school too and we're all feeling anxious.

Money is tight. I need another job. Can't afford new clothes for the kids to start school.

And I've figured out why I haven't completed moving for three months-it's all about abandonment and feeling like a failure. Same as it's ever been.

So today I'm trying to stay focused on good things. I would love a different job right now, one that's pretty and easy and only brings joy to folks where I don't have to worry about retaliation from armed thugs.

And I'm saddened even by coming here and seeing over and over again the devastation of addiction. Some times it's just too much.

Sending up prayers. As Coyote says, God Bless Us All.

Still Waters

I know exactly what you mean.

I've found that kids are pretty tough Transform, least mine has been. She does much better than I (in my projecting worrying way) think she will. I hope that is the case with yours also.

dollydo

I sure do understand. Sometimes I too feel overwhemed, fortunately, if I talk to myself in a positive way, I can get myself out of my funk.

Do something nice for you today!

transformyself

AND
I live in a college town and all the college kids are back. These are the most elite in the country.

Yesterday, I was waiting at a busy intersection on my bike and two of these spawn of the elite taunted me from their BMW SUV, they laughed and yelled "EFF YOU" and called me a wh$re.

I'm really triggered by that, horrible so.

Still Waters

I just found out that people have thrown things at my Mom when she runs, and they yell nasty things at her as they drive by.

My Mom is a white haired almost 70 year old who runs 5-10 miles.

WTF is wrong with people.?

HealingWillCome

I wish I had magic words to erase the exhaustion and sadness for you, but since I don't, here's a hug... (((((Transform)))))

What incredible jerks in the BMW SUV. I understand the trigger. But their actions are their problems. Be proud to know that you wouldn't treat someone that way. I usually say a prayer for a$$holes like that and then go on my merry way.

Keep doing the next right thing. Your move will happen...you will care for and love your kids in a healthy way and they will be okay...the people you work with are where they are meant to be in their own journeys, and you don't have to take on their worries. Take care of yourself. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself, "good things will come from this," because they DO when you are doing the next right thing.

Smile and remember all the hard work that has taken you to where you are today. You have accomplished amazing things in your recovery and you will be okay!

dollydo

Spoiled brats, raised with money, not raised with class.

fourmaggie

LMFAO!!!! and your so rite!!

this is where the addiction with these "children" will come to play; when reality hits and hits them hard...where are they gonna run to?.....scary sh!t isnt it?....more addition on the way....

SashaMB

First of all, thank you for doing this tough, but incredibly important job! In your line of work, you probably don't get a lot of thank yous, but your heart to help people in traumatic situations is amazing. It's not a job so much as a calling, and I very much admire and respect your commitment to serve such important needs, even while it wears on you. That type of work takes its toll on your heart and soul, but that's precisely why you are good at it: because you put your heart and soul into it. I also work with a lot of people in terrible situations, and it is very wearing. It may be time for you to take a break from this type of work to take time to care for yourself and you kiddos. But I just wanted to say that even when it doesn't feel like it, you are amazing, and you are making a difference!

Spiritual Seeker

(((((((((((((transformyself))))))))))))
Some days it is difficult to stay positive and that's okay.
I've been having these days too.
Hopefully, today you can remember some things to have gratitude for and
it will bring a smile.

It sounds like you have two wonderful children...Lucky you !

coyote21

Lemme guess.......they had their ball caps on backwards.

Everybody in my 20 unit apt complex is a college kid, except LMC and me. 90% are far more considerate/respectful than I was back then. Pretty sure I was an a$$hole.

But every semester there is ONE apartment full of backwarda$$capwhereinfraternityspoileddaddysmoneye dentitledazzholes.

I smile and say hi to virtually EVERYONE I pass, it's just what I do, I try to spread a little good will, let it begin with me, whatever.

So last semester there was a nest of the afore mentioned turds. First time I passed a couple of them in the courtyard I smiled and said Hi.........nothing, I was invisible. They were far too cool to acknowledge a LOOSER like me. Pizzed me off.

LMC whispered, dad...they just ignored you. I laughed and said plenty loud, "Didn't you notice their caps were on backwards, that means they are far to cool to say hi back." She said out loud, "That's stupid." I said I KNOW!

Dissed by an 8yo girl, ha!

The rest of the semester they were unable to muster up "eye contact", disappeared and finally moved out. Must have been uncomfortable for them, IDK?

I know, I know, hey this recovery stuff can just go so far.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

P.S. Wish I could be a fly on the wall when they join the real world.

transformyself

Ah, that's better. Thank you.
Coyote, nest of aforementioned turds. Hilarious. Yes, he had his cap on backwards. Interesting.
Sasha- thank you!


Yes, gratitude. Well, I'm grateful for:
the ability to spend time with my kids and be present with them.
that I DO have a job, several, and that I get to do what I love for a living. Not everyone can earn money writing.

Grateful for the little dogs.

That I'm further along in my program than ever. I can let things go. I'm not tortured by AH anymore. I have self esteem today, feel like I know what I'm worth.

And as far as the things I can do for myself today, I'm going to try to stretch out my body, do some yoga here at home. That'll help a bunch.

fourmaggie

I smile and say hi to virtually EVERYONE I pass, it's just what I do, I try to spread a little good will, let it begin with me, whatever.

I do this in my little town...it does wonders around here...and I say it with a SMILE its amazing what you get back in return!

do you realize that this is a lost TRAIT?? people just dont do this anymore.....

TakingCharge999

Yoga at home rules!! I love yoga!! even 5 minutes of it has a positive impact. I am doing yoga at every opportunity I get. It is no longer a luxury, it is a need for me now.

Where I live is also a "student town". One relates money with education... HAH! sometimes when we find rude people my mom asks me "what were you expecting? London's School of Good manners?"

I am dealing with some ladies to schedule an exam and they have been very rude! but I try to think that is how they deal with people. Just like alkies. They just don't know other way to treat others. And it is a miserable life for them.

Years ago I was walking on the street after I took a bus and 2 guys shouted horrible things at me... funny how I still remember. Visualizing one is protected by a huge ball of light helps. According to some views, these last years are where life experiences get much tougher so we will continue to see stuff like that from people who don't know how to handle their emotions and don't know basic respect either.



They are HP's issue not ours

coyote21

Yep, and yep.

Quick story (yea, right!) about little things we do that make a BIG difference in other peoples lives.

My Grandfather, who was like a dad to me, came to live with my mom and I in Houston after my Grandmother died.

He was "country", and every evening he would sit out in the front yard under a big shade tree, and wave to every car that drove by, because that's what country people do. This was the BIG CITY and this behavior of waving/smiling at complete strangers was unheard of.

We lived on the corner and our neighborhood street was a short cut to get on the expressway a few blocks down. So we had LOTS of after work traffic every day.

He did this every day for 10 years till he died in 1975. He also kept a big bag of bubble gum for the neighborhood kids, but that's another story.

I was away in college when he got sick and I remember my mom telling me she finally had to put a sign out front to let people know what had happened, because every day strangers kept knocking on her door to ask about him.

In the next few months she got over 300 cards and letters from "strangers" and they all had a common theme:

How they would be driving home after a crappy day at work, and no matter what bad thing was going on in their lives, his friendly smile and wave would lift their spirits. And how they had grown to look forward to it.

I figure the 300 that actually dropped off cards were a small percentage of the ones whose lives he touched.

Cool huh?

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

transformyself

I LOVE that story Sunmanitu. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you Grandpa.

transformyself

Coyote=Sunaminitu

barb dwyer

Cuote
there was a man kinda like that on my way to work every day back in Ga. he was retired, and every morning, he stood out in his front yard, waving at the people driving by to go to work.

wicked

So, what is fox?
my spiritual guide.
celtic style.

beth

tjp613

What a great man, Coyote...and a great story to share. Thanks.

I try to smile and say hi to everyone too....but ESPECIALLY to disabled, obese and elderly people. I've been overweight and getting older and I know that it feels kinda crappy to be seemingly invisible ... especially when I used to be YOUNG and HOT and had lots of eye contact! LOL