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Old 08-18-2010, 07:21 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by coyote21 View Post
The saddest part is that, imo, a child's love IS unconditional. Children love parents who beat them and lock them in closets.
Years ago I attended Foster Parent training and learned first hand that even abused children desperately want to be returned to their parents, a childs love is indeed unconditional IMO.

LMC is indeed lucky to have such a great Father. She must worship you.
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Old 08-18-2010, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Jazzman View Post
Years ago I attended Foster Parent training and learned first hand that even abused children desperately want to be returned to their parents, a childs love is indeed unconditional IMO.

LMC is indeed lucky to have such a great Father. She must worship you.
Thanks, I learned most of what I know here, from you all.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 08-18-2010, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by coyote21 View Post
I believe little kids deserve the truth, and that the CRAZY MAKING comes from seeing something with your own eyes and then being told something different happened.

The surprise registered on LMC's face, and she responded by saying that that explained mom's often weird behavior which was explained away as being tired etc..

The truth made LMC mad, but I could tell she was relieved on some level to have the REALITY she'd been living justified. IDK, I try to do what I believe is best for LMC, not for mom.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
I was speaking with my sponsor last night, she is the adult child of an alcoholic. She said that a friend she grew up with was as well but their households were different. In her household, everything was unspoken, secretive, denied, ignored. It was tough for her to align her feelings with what she saw or didn't see, just like your definition of crazy making. In her friends household, albeit dysfunctional, noone covered up anything - reality stared them in the face. Of course it was no easier to deal with as a child, but at least her friend seemed to have one advantage - she could see what she had to deal with and had the opportunity to do so. My sponsor had to work through the mire of coverups to get to the reality so that she could move on.

I agree that you have done the right thing to be truthful with your daughter. My brother started around that same age to be truthful with his children about their unstable mom and at that point they could start learning the tools and coping strategies to deal with her. And he had to start at that age, because soon enough the girls would be on their own without him and they needed to be 'armed' with the tools to help them cobble out a relationship (or the absence of one) with their mother.
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Old 08-18-2010, 01:50 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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, this was NOT a decision I made lightly/spur of the moment,
They never are. You have to do what is right for her and you know that better than anyone.

Maybe as young children there are no conditions on love. ( but my 13 year old is pretty much done with her father)

They (we) eventually grow up (quickly) and see parents for who they are and how they treated us.

She may not feel it now, but the things her mom does now will impact her future feelings. She will remember and not fondly.

That's where you come in - Dad will pick up all the slack and make everything ok.

Cause that is what we do.
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