silkspin

I was speaking with my sponsor last night, she is the adult child of an alcoholic. She said that a friend she grew up with was as well but their households were different. In her household, everything was unspoken, secretive, denied, ignored. It was tough for her to align her feelings with what she saw or didn't see, just like your definition of crazy making. In her friends household, albeit dysfunctional, noone covered up anything - reality stared them in the face. Of course it was no easier to deal with as a child, but at least her friend seemed to have one advantage - she could see what she had to deal with and had the opportunity to do so. My sponsor had to work through the mire of coverups to get to the reality so that she could move on.

I agree that you have done the right thing to be truthful with your daughter. My brother started around that same age to be truthful with his children about their unstable mom and at that point they could start learning the tools and coping strategies to deal with her. And he had to start at that age, because soon enough the girls would be on their own without him and they needed to be 'armed' with the tools to help them cobble out a relationship (or the absence of one) with their mother.