transformyself

I have PTSD and am having serious triggers and flashbacks and anxiety through the roof. I am not home and don't have my emergency medication but will get it as soon as I can. Please just send up prayers from me to get to a safe place soon. Thank you.

suki44883

Hang in there, Transformie! We're all pullin' for ya!

transformyself

I feel horrible. My kids don't know why I disowned my mother, why they've never met or seen her and I just came to get them from their dads and they were watching a movie with this giant fight scene and I made them turn if off they got really mad at me and I went into a rant about society and violence and how I don't want them to be desensitized to it and if they had ever actually SEEN anyone shot with a gun or been punched they wouldn't think it is entertainment and they got lippy wtih me about it and said oh yeah like you have and I said, yes I was punched in the face by my mother.

I sent them out to ride their bikes to try to get a grip. I guess we'll have to talk about this now, but I don't feel capable or ok with any of it. I just want to go back to bed

cmc

Take some deep breaths. One thing that helps me during stressful moments is to remember that 'this too shall pass' especially if I just take things one day, hour or minute at a time.
Sending some prayers your way.

TakingCharge999

Breathe transformie. Square breathing: 4 times breathe in, 4 times hold, 4 times exhale, 4 times idle.

Or, breathe in deeply until your stomach expands, then slooooooooooowly exhale with your mouth.

wicked

that was then.
this is now.
that was then.
this is now.

i transform myself.
i transform myself.
or
i am transform myself.
i am transform myself.

sorry this is so late.
damn.
hope you got your emergency pills.
keep breathing.
you are NOT your mother.

transformyself

Thank you wicked.
And everyone

naive

(transformie)

i do understand. my father physically attacked me in a rage when i was young. little miss naive of 10 years old kicked him in the balls and locked herself in the bathroom. he attacked me again at age 35. that was the end for me. after he died, everyone speaks of him like a saint and i am the bad one for not attending his funeral.

anyway, i relate girlfriend. for me, it's about acceptance and forgiveness. i know he did the best he could. i'm ok with that, just didn't want to interact anymore.

for myself, when i feel overwhelmed, i turn it all over to my higher power and try to remember to pray. that relieves and comforts me.

the breathing advice above is very good too. it calms you. breathe deep from the diaphram. as you breathe in, inflate your stomach like a balloon. slloooow on the exhale. it will return you to your center.

naive

TakingCharge999

I am with you on the exposure to violence. I would have done the same. Not because "everybody watches it" it is ok.

I remembered you during my stressful time today. I was thinking we are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

I read something about the parasympathetic nervous system. It takes over from the sympathetic nervous system when we breathe right.

The Good Ol Parasympathetic is about "resting and digesting" (I believe it includes "digesting reality"!)

KerBearz

Well, I'm late too. Said a prayer for you now anyway ~ Take care, Kerbearz

theuncertainty

How are you doing now, Transform? Better I hope.
Sending you wishes for strength and peace.

Learn2Live

I agree (as you know ;O) with the deep breathing. Have you been practicing it with the yoga?

transformyself

Hi, no one is too late, I'll need prayers of friends till the day I die.

I"m still in a bit of a hyper anxious mode. I ahve my alarm set for 4am so I can go to the 6am yoga. Class. God i hope I dont go back to bed, i really need to go.
I'm ok, it helps so much to come here. I"m breathing thank you everyone. My previous therapist who was helping me with the PTSD before I ran out of money taught me about those different areas of the brain as well, how our childhood trauma gets caught in places and can't be released.

thanks again everyone. I've also been dealing with overwhelming feelings of abandonment in general, really like child. Lost. It's weird. It happens at night mostly.

letgoofmyheart

coffeedrinker

since it's not too late, just whispered a prayer for you, transformie.

and for what it's worth, i too always limited the violence stuff in my household. heck just the other day i had a debate with someone about the "sport" of boxing. maybe you flipped, but what you flipped about....right on in my opinion.

Jadmack25

Said a prayer for you to find peace in that moment of turmoil, and can feel the love that is surrounding you from all corners of the world, via SR.

God bless Transformie.

bookwyrm

transformyself

Thank you everyone. I've felt your prayers, whispered assurances through the dark. Thank you.

This mother stuff is pretty awful. It's chocked all reason from me for so long. Yet every time it resurfaces, I'm surprised. More denial I guess.

It's so good to hear from others that they try to limit violence at home as well. I have three sons and this is an ongoing issue between myself and the men in my life. NO, they don't need to "man up," or "stop crying like a girl." I always say, "Oh I guess it's humiliating to be "Like a girl?" Huh? What's wrong with girls?

My two younger sons get this. The older one, not so much.

Paintbaby

Don't give up that fight, Transform. It IS so very important that the young men of today get the message that there is nothing wrong with girls, women, being feminine or effeminate. For too long this world has been a place unsafe for women, and it is BECAUSE of the messages young boys receive, as they grow into men , that women are inferior or "other", and not deserving of the same rights as men (the ability to walk down the street without being sexually harrassed every day comes to mind) So keep fighting that fight, momma bear! You are changing the world by raising thoughtful young men.

And most of the tough-as nails bad*sses I know are women. How damned strong we really are is always a source of amazement for me.

TakingCharge999

I am with you again. All those stupid comments -sorry they are just stupid- perpetuate distorsions about men.. and women.

What are you doing today that is only for you?

I, just called my hair stylist, who is in a really fashionable area of town, for a haircut - they even have caterers and offer you water, juice, etc while you wait. I am now looking for styles that I like but basically I'll tell him I want to feel different and stop defaulting to a ponytail ...

Hugs!